The A shift of Station 51 was gathered around Chet Kelly at his request. They all watched with a combination of suspicion and disbelief as Chet unveiled his latest ‘great invention'. He pried the top off of a five gallon white plastic canister.
"This, gentlemen, is another brilliant Chet Kelly idea," he bragged proudly.
"What is it?" Johnny asked, making a face.
"It's floor wax," Chet said enthusiastically. "Not your common everyday floor wax, mind you. It's superconcentrated. Just one application should last a whole year!"
"A whole year?!" They could not believe it, although waxing floors had certainly become a bane to each of them.
"Mark my words," Chet assured them, "I'm going to test it here at the station, then I'm going to market it to the general public. It'll make me a fortune!!!"
They looked at one another. They had learned to be suspicious of Chet's inventions. Still, anything that would make one less firehouse chore was worth at least a passing interest.
"Well, Pal, let's see how it works," Captain Stanley finally decided.
So Chet set to work waxing all the floors in the station. It turned out his formula was even more concentrated than he had realized. Once all the regular floors were done he still had quite a bit of the wax left. At first he thought he'd dump it down the sink but as the wax looked thick enough to clog the drain so he decided to go ahead and give the garage floor a once over. The more he thought about it the better the idea sounded. His powerful wax would seal the cement and protect it from any damage that an oil or gas leak might cause. Whole new markets for his wonder wax opened up for him. He was mentally spending his fortune on a little place in Beverly Hills by the time the job was finally finished. It had not been easy mopping around the squad and the engine but he'd managed to liberally apply his wax underneath everything but the actual wheels. It had been hard work and he was exhausted. He put the mopping supplies away. There was still a little bit of wax left. He was too tired to walk back out to his car with it so he so tucked it out of sight on the engine and walked into the day room.
"Boy," he puffed as he went to the refrigerator for a cold drink, "Next year it's somebody else's turn to do the floors."
"I gotta admit it, Pal, the floors look pretty good. Now if they only hold that shine."
"Oh, they will, Cap. Guaranteed!"
Just then the alarm sounded. "Station 51, structure fire -- 17115 Morningside Drive. Cross street Temple."
They all ran for the garage but they were unaccustomed to the slippery surface of the floors. They all skidded and slid. The cap had to grab the wall for support as he acknowledged the call. As slick as the other floors were, the concrete floors in the garage area were twice as bad and no one was prepared for them to be slippery at all.
Roy crashed hard into his side of the squad.
As Johnny went to jump into the passenger side his foot slipped out from under him. He scraped his shin roughly against the running board. His leg slid under the squad. He tried to catch himself on the door nearly pulling his shoulder out of joint but he still managed to land unceremoniously on the seat of his pants on the floor between the engine and the squad. He was momentarily dazed.
Mike was right behind him. He couldn't stop in time and he tripped over him. He fell headlong onto the floor skidded his full body length across the floor on his stomach. Only his turnout gear saved him from a serious case of road rash.
"Are you guys alright?" the cap asked with concern as he carefully inched his way toward them.
"The floor is like ice it's so slippery!" Marco complained hanging onto the engine for dear life.
Chet desperately tried to look inconspicuous.
Mike got on his hands and knees and crawled back to the engine which he had overshot in his slide. He pulled himself up onto the fender and went hand over hand down the engine to the driver's door. "I'm okay, Cap," he said climbing into the relative safety of the driver's seat.
Captain Stanley thought he sounded a little winded but he turned his attention to Johnny. Johnny was trying to get to his feet also. The Cap hung on tightly to the engine and grabbed Johnny's arm helping to pull him to his feet.
"Me too, Cap," Johnny assured him as he got a grip on the squad door and carefully climbed inside.
"You sure?" Roy asked with concern.
Johnny notice Roy was shaking his right hand which had been his first point of impact when he hit the squad. "Yeah. You?"
"I'll live," Roy muttered.
"Your hand okay?"
"It'll be just fine once we get this fire out and I find time to strangle Chet."
"I'll help ya," Johnny laughed.
"You're on," Roy told him as he started up the squad.
Inside the engine the cap was raking Chet over the coals. "When we get back I want those floors completely stripped. Do you hear me, Kelly?!!!"
Before Chet could answer they had another problem. Mike had started to ease the engine out onto the street. He figured enough time had been wasted already on this call and minutes counted in any fire. As soon as the engine's tires began to turn they also encountered the ‘wonder wax'. Suddenly there was absolutely no traction under them. The huge rig started to slide. It began to turn slightly sideways. In that position they would not clear the garage door.
"Oh my God!" Marco yelled, his eyes were wide with panic.
Chet was pale and totally speechless as the wall rapidly approached his side of the rig.
At what seemed like the last minute Mike got control of the vehicle and straightened it out in time. They cleared the garage doors and once they were on the unwaxed driveway things began to return to normal.
"You're a better engineer than I was, Pal" the cap breathed with great relief then picked up the handie talkie. "Squad 51, watch that floor!!"
"We will, Cap," Johnny gasped. They had seen what had happened to the rig. From their point of view they could see that if the engine had careened into the wall it would have bounced off and into them. The squad would not have stood much of a change against the engine. "Can you believe that?" he asked Roy. "We were almost crushed!!"
"I can't believe that anyone would have been stupid enough to wax the garage floor."
"Well, we are talking about Chet here," Johnny reminded him. He hoped that Roy wouldn't notice he had become a white knuckle passenger as the squad inched its way out of the garage.
***
They pulled up in front of an older bungalow style house. A frantic woman ran up to meet them. "It's out here in the garage," she panted. "That damn fool is going to blow us all to kingdom come one day."
"Ma'am," Captain Stanley tried to get her attention. "We had a report of a fire here..."
They had all eyed the house and had seen no telltale smoke or any other sign of trouble.
"Back here. In the garage. I think we got it out but you fellas better check. Come on. Come on!!"
The cap shrugged. "Pull a one a and a half as a precaution," he ordered as he followed the woman around the house.
Chet ran to do it. No one made any effort to help him. They just followed the cap and the woman to the garage.
Once they reached the garage they could detect a definite smoky smell in the air. "Exactly where was this fire, ma'am?" the cap asked.
"In the garage -- oh I mean the laboratory," she began sarcastically, "He used to do these fool things in the basement but I kicked him out here. I'm not havin' him burn the house down with his foolish experiments. No sirree!"
An older man was sitting on the ground looking very dejected. Roy and Johnny decided to check on him while Marco and Mike went in to assess the situation in the garage and the woman continued to complain to the captain. Chet stood by with the hose in case it was needed.
"Are you alright, sir?" Roy asked.
"Are you burned or anything?" Johnny wanted to know.
"Course not," the man muttered sadly. "It was nothing really. A minor set back is all."
"You have no idea what it's like living with a cockamamie inventor!" the woman griped.
"Oh, I don't know about that ma'am, we might," the cap commiserated, shooting Chet a meaningful glance.
The man was unhurt so Roy and Johnny joined the cap to see what he would assign them to do.
"A great inventor is never appreciated in his life time," the old man said defiantly.
"You got that right, Pal," Chet agreed under his breath.
Mike and Marco came out of the garage. "Lot of smoke still in there, Cap," Marco reported. "Needs to be ventilated but the windows and the big door are boarded up and nailed shut."
"Course they are!!" the old man declared "Can't have any one spying on me and stealing my secret formula!"
"Formula for disaster!" his wife declared. "What do you suggest, Chief?" she asked the cap.
"Well, ma'am, a smoke build up could be dangerous. We should really break the barricades to get some fresh air in there."
"You can't break them down!!"
"Shut up, Herb. Do what ever you need to do, Chief."
"Kelly, run back to the rig and get some axes," the cap commanded.
Chet obeyed.
"Axes won't do!!" the man said proudly. "Those windows are not just boarded shut!! They are also sealed with reinforced steel. Salvaged it from an old bank vault. Nobody's getting through it!!"
The firemen looked helpless for a moment. Axes were surely not going to do the trick.
"How bout the roof, Cap?" Marco suggested, "We could ventilate that way."
"Cut a hole in my roof?!!!" the man was devastated, "You can't do that! My work will be destroyed!!"
"Be my guest, fellas," the woman was delighted. "Do what ever you need to do. Destroy the whole garage if you have to. Anything to end this madness."
"But, Tillie..."
"Don't ‘but Tillie' me, you old fool. I should had this thing torn down years ago."
The firemen stepped away from the feuding couple trying their darndest not to laugh. Chet arrived with the axes. "Marco, you hop up and go to work on the roof. Chet, you're the big inventor. Suppose you look around inside -- give us a kind of professional assessment of the - ah - lab."
"Sure, Cap," Chet said. He could see he was in for a lot of ribbing about this whole situation.
"Better grab a tank. It's real smoky in there," Mike advised, picking up the hose from the ground where Chet had dropped it.
Chet ran back to the rig to get his SCBA. He had the distinct impression that there would be a lot of gophering in his future.
Marco climbed up onto the roof of the forty year old garage. His plan was to chop a ventilation hole near the peak of it. He was walking toward the peak when suddenly the roof gave out under him and his legs fell through. He yelped with surprise. He dropped his ax and it slid down the roof and landed on the ground.
"Lopez! Are you alright?" the cap hollered with concern.
"I'm alright, Cap," he admitted miserably, "I'm just stuck." He was trying to pull himself out of the hole but the roof felt almost spongy. It gave every time he tried to push against it and he couldn't get any leverage.
"Roy, John, go give him a hand, willya?"
"Sure thing, Cap," Johnny said running toward the garage. He intended to pull himself onto the roof up the same way Marco had.
"Hold on a minute, Junior," Roy cautioned. He picked up a ladder that had been lying on the ground next to the garage. "Roof is weak -- let's not put any more weight on it, huh?" He leaned the ladder against the garage and made a dramatic gesture to Johnny indicating he was giving him the honor of climbing up after Marco.
Chet had just arrived back on the scene. "Chet, wanna bring us some rope?" Roy hollered to him.
"Sure, Roy," Chet said through clenched teeth. He slid the heavy tank off his shoulders and swung it to the ground. No point in toting it and the rope.
Johnny climbed up the ladder. He looked at Marco's predicament and smiled, "You know, Marco, when the cap told you to make holes in the roof, falling through was not what he had in mind."
"Ha, Ha, Johnny. Seems like you've done you fair share of falling today too!" Marco was miffed.
"Don't remind me," Johnny said rubbing his still sore tailbone. "What say we get you outta there?"
"I thought you'd never ask," Marco quipped. The idea of being rescued improved his mood considerably.
"Here's the rope, Johnny," Roy said tossing it up to him.
"Okay, Marco," Johnny started to say as he tied the rope into a lasso.
"None of your rodeo stuff -- just hand it to me," Marco warned, interrupting him.
"But this is the perfect chance to get in a little practice roping," Johnny complained, feigning disappointment.
"Johnny!" Marco snarled, grabbing the rope and slipping the loop over his head and under his arms. "Be careful," he urged.
"Just relax, Marco. Let us do all the work. You ready, Roy?" Johnny tossed the other end of the rope over the branch of a near-by tree and let it drop down to the ground.
Roy picked it up and he and Chet prepared to slowly pull Marco out of the hole in the roof.
"Ya ready?" Johnny asked Marco.
"Let's get the show on the road," Marco complained about Johnny's theatrics.
"Okay. Okay," Johnny tried not to laugh. "Go ahead, guys. Slow and easy."
Chet and Roy pulled the rope till it was taut and then put a little more effort into it to pull Marco free.
Suddenly Marco screamed, "Stop! Stop. You're killing me!"
"Hold it. Hold it," Johnny hollered, "Give us some slack here. You okay, Marco?" Johnny was now concerned. There was a grimace of pain on Marco's face that took all the humor out of the situation.
Marco did not answer him. "Marco, are you hurt?" Johnny left the relative safety of the ladder and gingerly ventured onto the roof.
"This isn't gonna work, Johnny," he gasped, "You're ripping me in half!"
"What's wrong, Johnny?" Roy asked, climbing up the ladder. "Be careful on that roof. No point you falling through too."
"I'm okay -- but you'd better stay on the ladder." He gave Marco a quick tug.
"Ahhh, Johnny --"
"Sorry, Marco. Man, he's really wedged in there. I'd ask for the saw only I can't tell where the roof ends and his legs begin."
"Johnnnnyyyy!!"
"Okay, man, no saw. Well, what do we do now, oh wise one?" he asked Roy. Roy's smugness about the ladder had not escaped his notice.
Before Roy could come up with an idea there was a sudden explosion from the lab. The force of it knocked Roy and the ladder backwards but Johnny was able to grab his arm before he pitched to the ground. Johnny pulled him back toward the garage.
"Thanks. I owe you one," Roy gasped.
"What the hell --" Johnny asked.
"Fire, Cap," Mike called. He picked up the tank that Chet had dropped and slapped it on.
"I'll charge the hose," the cap volunteered running back to the engine, "You guide him as best you can, Chet. I'll bring another tank."
"Right, Cap." Chet ran to do his bidding.
Mike usually worked the engine not the fire but he was the one that was there. They had to knock this down fast. Marco's life might depend on it.
"Shit. Shit. Shit," Marco cried. He pulled his legs up as high as he could get them and continued to struggle to get out of the hole. He clutched onto Johnny in desperation.
"Easy, Marco! You're just making it worse. Calm down. Calm down!!!"
"That's easy for you to say. You can get down anytime."
"We're not leaving you, Marco," Roy assured him. Try as he might he could see no way to free the trapped fireman.
"It's getting hot! Get me OUT!!" Marco was losing it.
Chet and Mike backed out of the side door of the garage. Smoke billowed out behind them. Chet was gasping for air. He did not use the tank the cap had brought in from the rig as he had had to go no farther into the small building than the doorway. Mike removed his mask and panted, "It's knocked down, Cap but it looks like there's all kinds of chemicals and flammable things stored in there."
"That's right, Sonny," the old man sulked. "That'll teach you guys to go chopping holes in people's roofs. There's enough material in there to blow that roof sky high. And between the heat, the smoke and the water I'd say many of those compounds are now pretty unstable."
"What are you saying, old man?" the cap had definitely lost his patience.
"That blow wasn't near big enough to have been everything that could go." The old man was defiant.
"You think there will be another explosion?" the cap demanded.
"It isn't a question of if -- it's a question of when. Did you really think you could outwit science?!"
"WE GOTTA GET HIM DOWN, FELLAS," the cap hollered up to Roy and Johnny without filling them in on the details.
"We're tryin', Cap," Johnny called back. "He's really stuck good." Roy and Johnny had positioned themselves several different ways to try and pull Marco free but all of their efforts had been in vain.
"What we really need is some lubrication," Roy was exasperated.
"Lubrication!!" Chet snapped his fingers. This time he ran out to the rig on his own. He hopped up into the engine and pulled the canister of wonder wax from its hiding place. He grabbed it and ran back to the garage.
He was winded when he got there but he climbed up onto the ladder. "Here, Roy," he panted, "Try this."
For an instant a murderous look passed over Roy's face.
"Let's give it a try, Roy. God knows it makes stuff slippery," Johnny said, reaching for the canister.
Roy shrugged then he pried the cover off and handed the canister to Johnny.
They had already removed Marco's turnout coat in hopes of making him enough smaller that they could pull him free.
"Hurry, Johnny," Marco begged.
Johnny reached in and pulled out a gooey handful of wax. He liberally slathered it all around Marco's waist. "Jeez, this might just work," he commented. He continued to apply the wax to the hole and anything that might restrict Marco's escape. "Here goes nothin'," he finally said. He carefully stood up on the roof.
"Careful, Johnny," Marco said. The fear in his voice was evident.
Johnny put his arms around Marco's chest and started to ease him out. He actually moved a little. "Just stay relaxed, Marco. Don't you try to move at all. It's working. Get on the rope, will ya?" he hollered to Roy and Chet.
As soon as Marco had cleared the hole enough for him to do so Roy took his legs and helped guide him to freedom.
Once Marco was free Chet dropped the rope and raced back up the ladder saying, "Give him here. I'll carry him down."
Marco's struggles had tired him. He was so relieved to be free that he didn't argue as Roy and Chet folded him over Chet's shoulder and Chet carried him to the ground in the traditional Fireman's Carry. Marco just closed his eyes. He remembered losing his lunch doing this very thing in a drill once. Carrying people down ladders was one of the things Chet was pretty good at, he assured himself.
Once on the ground, Chet hurried away from the ladder. He knew Roy and Johnny were practically right behind him.
Chet had only gone two steps when there was another, more powerful explosion. He was knocked to the ground. Roy and Johnny were still on the ladder. This time it did fall all the way to the ground. Roy and Johnny rode it down.
Mike and the cap ran to them. The cap had called for a second engine and a Haz Mat unit just as a precaution. The small back yard was now a circus. He had turned control of the fire over to Joe Donaldson of Station 10 so he could give his undivided attention to his men. He saw Vince Howard interviewing the homeowners. He felt a little sorry for the woman but they could lock the ‘scientist' in a rubber room for all he cared.
He squatted down by Chet and Marco. "You guys okay?"
"I'm fine, Cap," Chet assured him, jumping to his feet.
Marco still lay on the ground where he had landed. "How ‘bout you, Pal?" the cap asked kindly. Marco just nodded but didn't say a word. The cap had a feeling he might be praying so he didn't say any more.
Roy and Johnny picked themselves up, dusted themselves off and ran to the others.
"Everybody okay?" Roy asked.
"Maybe you should give Marco the once over," the cap suggested.
Chet and Mike ran to get their equipment from the squad. When they returned there was not much for them to do. Mike watched as Station 10 put the fire out. The Haz Mat boys were getting ready to check what was left of the garage for hazardous materials. He glanced up at Chet who seemed to be a million miles away. "What's with you?"
"You know, Mike," Chet said in all serousness, "I made a mistake with that wax."
"I'll say you did." Mike agreed whole-heartedly.
"I just didn't reckon on it being quite that slippery," Chet mused.
Mike didn't say anything. He didn't want to do anything that might encourage Chet in his dementia.
"But I can see now that I had it all wrong," he continued, "I mean floor wax -- I wasn't thinking big enough. Anyone can do floor wax. What I have here is far more than that. You saw it. It saved Marco's life!! It's -- it's the UNIVERSAL LUBRICANT -- It's..it's Kelly's Wonder Jelly. When word of this gets out every department in the country will want some. I can see it now----"
"Shut up, Chet," Mike said gruffly and walked away.
"What's wrong with him?" Chet wondered.
Marco had some marked tenderness in his ribs so Rampart wanted to see him. The ambulance arrived and Roy rode in with him while Johnny followed in the squad.
51 helped 10's with the final clean up once Haz Mat had okayed it. Once they got back to the station Chet went to get something to strip the floors with. Outwardly he was playing it humble but inwardly he was accepting the Department's highest award, not to mention a huge check for his patented product. He was making a mental note to get a patent on Kelly's Wonder Jelly when Mike called to him.
"Hey, Chet, I think your car's on fire."
"Oh, ha ha. Big joke, Stoker."
"I'm not joking," Mike shrugged pointing out the rear door to the back lot.
Painfully Chet straightened up. He had been on his hands and knees striping the floors. He followed Mike's lineof vision out to the parking area. Sure enough it did look like smoke was coming from the trunk of his car. He jumped to his feet. He hadn't stripped that area yet and he came close to falling on his face.
Mike just shook his head in disgust and grabbed a fire extinguisher. Together they ran to the back lot.
Chet fumbled in his pocket for his car keys. He finally got the trunk opened. The sudden exposure to so much more oxygen caused a flame up but Mike expertly extinguished it. The remaining six canisters of Chet's Wonder Wax were an unrecognizable puddle of melted plastic which appeared to be permanently affixed to the floor of Chet's trunk. "That's all I had. Now it's gone. All gone," Chet all but sobbed.
"Good," said Mike.
"You don't understand. That stuff was worth a fortune. A fortune!! Look at how it saved Marco's life."
"Look at how it almost got us all killed. I say the world is better off without Chet's Blunder Wax."
"That's all I had," Chet moaned miserably "How could this have happened?"
"I'd say the compound was unstable," Mike remembered the old man's words.
"Oh, what do you know about it?"
"Nothing, I'm happy to say."
"How am I gonna explain this when the department want to issue it to all stations?"
"I don't think you'll have to worry about that," Mike humored him. "If it does you can just make some more."
"NO I CAN'T!! Don't you see. I tried lots of different things. I - I don't actually remember what was in the final formula exactly."
They turned back toward the station. They were both surprised to see Captain Stanley standing there. He did not look at all happy either.
"Well, You'd better remember the final formula exactly. Rampart just called. They need it."
"NO way, Cap!" Chet vowed. "That's MY formula they aren't gonna steal it!!"
"You sound just like that wacky old man," Mike commented.
"Steal it!!! You think that's why they want it?!"
"Well, why else?"
"They want it, ya twit, because Gage and Lopez have developed horrible rashes -- every place that damn stuff touched them. They HAVE to know what's in it so you'd just better start remembering right now!!"
The cap almost seemed to be breathing fire. That kept Chet from arguing that he'd never gotten a rash from it -- of course he'd always worn rubber gloves when he'd handled it. Chet had no idea what the formula was and the last of his samples had just burned up. Chet also had no idea what lay in store for him but he doubted that either a Department citation or a mansion in Beverly Hills was among the possibilities.
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