"No!" Johnny yelled. "You just don't get it, do you?" he asked, taking another sip.
Captain Stanley flinched as the beer bottle crashed against the far wall, smashing to pieces.
"It's all my fault," Johnny whispered, sliding down the wall, to sit on the floor.
The Captain sighed and crouched down beside Johnny. He reached out and gripped him by the shoulder and gave him a slight shake. "Now listen to me for a minute, John. It wasn't your fault at all. You could not have stopped that young girl from falling. Even I could see that she had no intention of coming down from that bridge railing with you. She wanted to die."
Johnny sniffed and tried to control his emotions. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "But I was so close to grabbing her Cap! She was coming around. I almost had her and then she was gone. Nothing you say to me is gonna make me change my mind on this. I killed her".
"And nothing you could have said to her or done for her can change what has happened. Yes, it was terrible to watch someone so young throw her life away like that. But you have to move on, we all do".
Johnny could not get the images of the young girl on the bridge out of his mind. She had sat on the edge of the railing and talked to him, telling him the reason for why she wanted to end it all. Her home life was terrible. Her father inflicting all kinds of physical and emotional abuse on her. She felt that she had no one to turn to. She had not wanted to let anyone near her at first. For some reason she changed her mind and allowed only Johnny to sit with her, out of arm's reach, but close enough to talk.
She seemed like a sweet, bright kid, her pain touching Johnny in a way that he had never felt with any other victim. He empathised with her situation, wanted desperately to help her in any way he could. For someone so young she sounded so bitter and jaded.
He felt that he was making some headway when she suddenly moved forward. Johnny had lunged towards her and grabbed her by the wrist as she went over. She dangled there passively, not making a sound. Johnny had yelled for some help, that he couldn't hold her for much longer on his own.
Just as Roy and the Captain reached them, she twisted her wrist and slipped from his grasp. He frantically reached with his other hand to grab at her as he felt her go, almost going over with her. Roy grabbed his belt and hauled him back from near disaster. As if in slow motion, he watched her fall towards the dark water below, hitting it and sinking out of sight.
He slumped to his knees, hanging onto the railing, and watched numbly as two police divers went in close to where she had disappeared. But they all knew that it would be too late to do anything for her. The fall alone would have killed her outright.
The police divers had no trouble finding her body quickly. Johnny could not take his eyes off the scene below as they hauled her on board the boat and after checking for any signs of life, covered her with a plastic sheet.
Roy and the Captain tried in vain to coax him away. He refused to move at first until Captain Stanley ordered him in a tone that brooked no argument.
"John?"
Johnny raised his head. Roy stood in front of him gazing at him with concern. He felt like bursting into tears again but held back. Roy offered his hand and Johnny took it. Roy hauled him to his feet and leaned him back against the wall.
"I understand that you need to get this out of your system", Roy began hesitantly, "But you have to remember it was not your fault. If it's any consolation, she didn't suffer. You gave her what she needed even at the end. Someone who was willing to listen to her. Even if she had come down with us, who's to say she would not have tried it again at some point? At least she had someone who cared with her at the end. You are only human Johnny, you did the best you could".
Johnny closed his eyes tightly, a few tears escaping and rolling down his cheeks. He felt an arm go around his left shoulder and another go around his right. Both the Captain and Roy gave him a brief squeeze, showing that they understood and cared without saying anything more. He knew that it was going to take some time to get over this but he had his friends and he knew he was going to be alright.