"SNAPPY BURGER!!!" Gage shouted as Roy pulled up to the fast food drive up window. "Roy! Snappy Burger is fast food poisoning! Why are you stopping here?"
"Quiet!" Roy scolded.
"Welcome to Snappy Burger!" A crackling high-pitched voice blared from the drive up speaker.
"Yes, I would like six Snappy meals," Roy spoke to the plastic head shaped like a moose, Snappy.
"Roy, are you crazy! The guys will skin us alive if you bring then this crap back to eat for lunch," Johnny pleaded with his pre-occupied partner. "Roy?"
The speaker crackled to life once again with the same shrill ear piercing voice. "What would you like to drink?" the Snappy head questioned.
"Coke," Roy answered quickly. He wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible. He too did not care for the food, but Joanne had begged him to stop and get some Snappy meals. She wanted the toy surprise the burger place offered.
"That will be $12.50. Please, pull forward," ordered the plastic head. Roy complied and picked up the greasy meals. Quickly he opened all the meal boxes and extracted the stuffed toys from each box. Johnny eyed his longtime partner with suspicion. Usually he was the crazy one.
"What are you doing? Are you crazy?" Johnny questioned. "You mean to tell me we stopped here for some stupid stuffed animal!"
"Johnny, Joanne is collecting these. She's crazy about them," Roy explained as he looked satisfyingly at each of his six new stuffed 'CY' beadie baby animal.
"Do you really know how crazy this is? Do you know what CY stands for?" Johnny baited.
Not really wanting to know or caring, Roy drove away from the greasy fast food place. He didn't care, all he knew was that Joanne and the kids loved CY stuffed animals. Roy, himself, even thought the stuffed animals were cute.
"Roy, CY stands for, Crazy You. And your crazy for buying those meals just for the toys," Johnny continued. "Now what are we suppose to fix for lunch? You already spent twelve dollars on food poisoning!"
********
"HEY!! Where's the animal?" Chet questioned, ready for blood.
"If I'm suppose to eat this crap, I want something for my trouble," Marco looked for his stuffed animal, too.
The captain scratched through his Snappy Meal box looking for his stuffed animal, too. "Look, Roy," he explained. "I'm like the rest of the guys, if we're suppose to eat this, this "Food". I want something to keep me occupied while my stomach is being pumped out."
Johnny walked into the kitchen and handed everyone some packets. "Here, I've found you can eat this stuff better if you take one of these first."
Everyone quickly grabbed a couple antacid tablets and popped one into their mouths. Roy reluctantly gave everyone a CY stuffed animal. He kept the best one for himself. All the time wondering if he would have time to stop by Snappy Burgers for dinner that night. Roy also wondered if they could rally handle eating there twice in one day.
Johnny looked at the men sitting at the table; he couldn't believe his eyes. They all were eating the crappy food and talking about CY toys.
"Emily loves these stuffed animals. She collects them," Captain Stanley said as he fingered his new toy. "I know Emily doesn't have this one. Thanks, Roy."
"Yeah, thanks Roy," the guys all thanked the paramedic for the new addition to their growing CY collection.
"Rose will love this one," Marco added. "You know she stood in line at the mall for five hours one day. Waiting to buy CY beadie babies."
"The Cardmark store received a new shipment of beadies today," Roy said. "Joanne is going there today to add to our collection."
"No kidding?" Mike questioned. "I'll have to tell my sister. She's a huge collector, too."
"YOU GUYS are crazy," Johnny interrupted. "They're just some stupid cheap stuffed animals. And they're not even cute."
The guys glared at Johnny. Not knowing how to react to his remark, Captain Stanley spoke for his addicted crew. "Look, Johnny, you don't understand. These CY beadie babies are inexpensive. Our wives or girl friends love them. We can afford to buy them these stuffed animals," Captain Stanley held his CY beadie baby and continued. "Emily would love to collect Steiff, but not on a captain’s pay."
"Johnny wouldn't understand, Cap," Chet chided. "He can't keep a girlfriend long enough to buy her anything except dinner and a taxi ride home."
"Funny...." Johnny retorted, but was interrupted by the tones of the station's klaxon.
"Squad 51 women down. 3111 Loma Linda. At the Loma Linda Mall. Time out 14:56," the familiar voice informed station 51.
********
Johnny and Roy were greeted at the mall's entrance by a shaken security guard. "Are you two all there's gonna be?" questioned the guard.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked Roy as he and Johnny retrieved the much-needed gear from the squad's compartments.
"Hurry, you won't believe what's going on," the man pulled at Johnny's sleeve. "The women are crazy. They've gone mad."
Roy and Johnny glanced at one another. Roy just shrugged his shoulders and followed Johnny. The guard quickened his pace. They could hear some shouts and women screaming in the distance. Police were at the scene trying to restore order. Johnny saw office Vince Howard hand cuffing someone near the unruly crowd.
Roy turned pale when he saw what store the riot was in front of, the Cardmark. He hoped Joanne was not in the middle of that wild crowd.
The paramedics walked cautiously up to the first injured woman. From past experience they knew when women were in a fight they could be very vicious. Roy approached a woman who was clutching three CY stuffed animals. She glared at Roy with intent to strike if he dared to touch her beadie babies.
With a calming voice he spoke to the injured woman, "Uh, now take it easy Miss. Miss?" He slowly walked up to her with his palms up, to show her that he meant no harm. She quickly jerked her prize stuffed animals away from him. Hiding them at her side. Her breathing quickened. Roy knew she was unapproachable. So he turned his attention to Vince.
"Vince, how can we help?" Roy asked Vince who just handcuffed another stuffed animal rioter.
Officer Howard shook his head in disbelief and threw up his arms in mock surrender. "Roy, I don't know what to tell you. I suggest you and Johnny take care of the hand cuffed victims," Vince looked back at the growing crowd of frantic shoppers. "You won't believe this, but my wife is suppose to be in THAT!" He pointed to the horde of salvage women.
"I believe, Vince. Joanne is suppose to be here, too," Roy responded as he set the gear down beside a hand cuffed shopper.
********
Johnny headed right toward the crowd. With all his training and years of experience, he still lacked the common sense to know never to try to stop a woman from shopping. He approached the women closest to him. When he gently touched her shoulder the paramedic was greeted with an elbow to the ribs. Another woman struck him in the face. Johnny stumbled back in disbelief. He looked around and for the first time he realized he was in "enemy" territory. Johnny retreated to safety.
Rubbing his sore ribs, Johnny sighed when he safely reached Roy. "Boy, those ladies are wild," he stated. His left eye showing signs of swelling and bruising.
"Johnny, can you help me here," Roy snapped hoping to get his wayward partner back to work. "This woman has a laceration on her arm. That one there has been bitten and that....."
"Okay, okay," Johnny quickly assessed the bite victim and patched her arm up.
The paramedics’ concentration was broken when they heard a woman scream loudly. They could hear her swearing a thick blue streak loudly. The crowd parted as three police officers dragged the screaming and kicking woman away from the middle of the riot.
Roy stared at the angry woman. He was shocked to see such a nicely dressed lady turn so vicious. Slowly the police were able to gain control over the crowd. Roy and Johnny stayed busy patching up the wounded. None of the barbarous shoppers needed to be transported to the hospital.
Vince walked up to Roy. He was escorting two handcuffed women to the paramedics. Roy sighed, thinking they were about finished. He glanced up to look at the victims. His eyes widen when he saw who it was that the police office had cuffed, Joanne and Emily!
The firemen's wives were released to Johnny and Roy. Vince couldn't press charges; he didn't have the heart to do so. "Roy, you think you can handle these two ladies?" the officer joked. He unlocked the wives and walked away laughing, "I have my own wife to handle."
********
Johnny leaned up against the counter talking to Dixie, "Dix, you wouldn't believe these women. They were crazy and wild. Possessed!" He ranted on as he retold his life threatening adventure at the Cardmark riot.
"I just love those CY beadie babies. They are just too cute," Dixie said as she looked at the latest addition to her collection from Snappy Burger.
Johnny rolled his eyes in utter astonishment. He could not be convinced that any stuffed animal was worth the time or trouble to collect. Let alone start a riot over. He rubbed his bruised ribs and walked down the hall to meet his partner.
"Roy, I think there is a conspiracy with those stuffed animals," Johnny pointed to the six boxes of Snappy Meals sitting between them. Roy stopped at Snappy Burger on the way back to the station.
"What are you talking about?" Roy questioned his partner. He hoped Johnny wasn't starting on another of his soap box speeches. Roy didn't know if he could handle it after three hours of patching up riot victims.
"No wait, Roy," Johnny knew what Roy was thinking. "Just hear me out. You remember the TV show 'Bewitched'?"
"Yeah," Roy answered reluctantly not wanting to get his partner started.
"You remember the episode where the mother witch put a spell on a stuffed toy?" Johnny continued. "When any mortal looked at this stuffed toy they fell in love with it and had to have one."
"SO!?" questioned Roy.
"Don't you see. CY babies are just the same," Johnny explained.
Johnny continued to explain as they walked to the kitchen. Roy nodded his head toward the firemen sitting around the table. They all grabbed at the Snappy Meal boxes, ripping them open to see what CY toy they received. Johnny just shook his head as he poured himself and Roy a mug of coffee.
"Look, Roy, look at them. They're possessed, just like the women at the mall." He pointed to Captain Stanley who held up his new stuffed animal.
"What's he talking about, Roy?" Chet questioned.
"Johnny thinks these stuffed animals are possessed with some spell," he answered and he looked at the beadie puppy he held in his hand.
"Roy," Johnny pleaded as he explained, "don't you see. Someone has convinced people that they must have these stupid stuffed animals."
"I see nothing wrong with collecting stuffed animals," Mike said defensively.
Changing the subject, Captain Stanley asked the exhausted paramedics about their last call.
Roy quickly explained before Johnny had time to berate the wild shoppers, "Uh, Cap, there is something else." He didn't know how to explain to his captain that both of their wives were at the riot. "Cap, I need to talk to you in your office."
"WHHATTTTTT!!!!!!!!" Captain Stanley shouted as he bolted up from his desk chair.
"WWHHHATTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!" came a shout from the kitchen. Mike stood with the phone in his hand. His eyes glared with shock. "What do you mean you were arrested?" he questioned the caller. The men gathered around the irate engineer. The captain and Roy stood in the doorway waiting to hear what else Mike might say.
"What do you mean MOM was arrested too? SHE DID WHATTT?" he yelled into the phone.
"I don't believe this," Mike said to himself as well as to the others. "My mother and sister were arrested at the mall. They both were fighting other women and police men for CY beadie babies!" The shocked engineer sat down. Roy gave him a cup of coffee and explained to the guys about his wife's escapade at the mall.
"See what I mean," Johnny continued trying to convince the men about his theory. "There has to be a reason why there is a feeding frenzy on these stuffed animals."
The men all tossed their greasy Snappy burgers at the ranting paramedic. Johnny sighed and trashed the nasty burgers. He didn't want to get into trouble for being cruel to animals if Henry ate one of the burgers.
************
The sleeping firemen were jolted awake by the blaring klaxon. "Station 51, man trapped at 'Oriental Import' company warehouse. Dock 15. Time out 02:12."
The men scrambled to their waiting vehicles. They raced to the seaside docks. As Squad 51 approached the warehouse, Roy could see ahead flashing lights of police cars. He pulled up next to the warehouse. Captain Stanley walked up to one of the waiting officers. Johnny and Roy donned their turnout coats. The night air was crisp and cold.
"Roy, you and Johnny get some rope. We have a woman trapped inside the warehouse. She's stuck in the rafters," Captain Stanley ordered his paramedics. "Chet, help them with the gear."
Johnny and Roy cautiously approached the rather large obese woman who managed to get her self stuck in the rafters of the import warehouse. The paramedics could not help but wonder how such a large woman was able to climb up so high.
"Ma'am?" Johnny called out to the stuck woman in his most soothing and calming voice. "Ma'am, just be still and we will soon have you down."
The woman wiggled and squirmed more as Johnny tried to maneuver around to the front of her. "Ma'am, stop moving around," he pleaded with her.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!!!" She growled at him through gritted teeth.
The paramedics clipped their safety belts securely to one of the steel beams.
"Ma'am, we're here to help. Are you hurt anywhere?" Johnny questioned her as he gently touched her arm.
"My left arm hurts a little," the trapped woman whimpered.
Roy felt the woman's large arm. "Strange," he mumbled. "Ma'am, I'm gonna have to cut the sleeve of your coat."
"NOOOO!!!!!!!" She screamed and swung her right fist out connecting with Johnny's bruised left eye.
Startled and stunned Johnny stumbled and lost his footing. He started to fall, but Roy was able to grab one of his flailing arms and steady the bruised paramedic. "LOOK lady," Roy tried to say in a calm voice, but was loosing his temper with the large trapped woman. "We're just trying to get you out. You must let us help you." He continued to plead with the victim, but she continued to scream and swat at them.
"Cap," Johnny called to Captain Stanley over the HT. "This lady will not let us help her. Send up Chet and Marco."
*********
Captain Stanley acknowledged the paramedic’s request for back up. Office Lewis overheard the call and told Captain Stanley he had an idea that might get the burglar to cooperate.
"This is the police," came the echoing voice through a bullhorn. "Listen to me, lady. You will let the paramedics help you or I will charge you with abstraction of justice along with breaking and entering and what ever else I can add," Office Lewis warned the unwilling burglar. "Do you understand me?"
"Y E SSSSSS!!!!" the woman hissed.
"I would like to just shoot her down," Officer Lewis muttered to Captain Stanley, jokingly. "But, I'm afraid when she fell she might land on someone."
******
"Are you going to let us help you?" Roy questioned. The lady nodded her and lowered her head in defeat.
With a pair of scissors, Johnny cut the sleeve of the large coat. To his surprise soft toys started to fall from the oversize coat the woman was wearing.
CY Beady Babies rained down upon the firemen and policemen below. The latest collection of Beady Babies was bouncing around the floor of the import warehouse. The men laughed and started to scoop the soft toys in their arm. Captain Stanley looked at the special edition rabbit named, Doc. He read about this CY baby in the most recent collector’s magazine. Wishing to be an owner of Doc, Captain Stanley admired the toy then let it fall back to the ground. Returning his attention to his paramedics, Captain Stanley called over the HT questioning the fall out.
"Cap," Roy answered. "It looks as if she had her coat stuffed with the CY Beady Babies," he chuckled.
After Johnny cut the coat off it revealed a petite woman weighting about 110 pounds. The men laughed when Roy and the burglar were lowered to safety. Prize winning stuffed animals continued to rain down upon the men. Johnny swept the remaining stolen toys off the rafters and rapelled down.
Handing Officer Lewis one of the toys, "She said she wasn't able to buy any today at the mall," Johnny laughed. "She was one of the women arrested. Guess she still won't get any."
******
"I tell you guys, there has to be something that makes people crazy for these stuffed animals," Johnny stated. Moans escaped from the exhausted firemen. "No, no wait and hear me out," h explained. "Why else would someone break into a guarded warehouse and steal a hundred CY Beadie Babies?"
"I tell you why, Johnny," Chet answered sarcastically. "She did just to keep us awake and busy."
"And so you would have something to gripe about," added Mike.
Drained of all energy the firemen staggered to their cold bunks and tried to sleep. But, Johnny continued talking.
"Johnny!" the captain warned. "Give it a rest or you'll be on permanent latrine duty."
The scolded paramedic covered his weary body and mumbled, "Still, those women were crazy!"
Pillows flew in his direction from the exasperated firemen. "SHUT UP, GAGE!" the men cried out in the dark.
******
No! Oh no!" cried Gage in his sleep. He tossed and turned swinging his arms. "No, help me! Help!!"
"Johnny, wake up," Roy shook his restless partner. "Johnny wake UP. It's just a dream." Roy continued to shake Johnny harder. "Wake UP!" he demanded.
"Roy?! What?" Confused and lost Johnny sat up sweating and panting. "Oh God! What a nightmare. I dreamt that CY Beadie Babies were attacking me," he whispered. "They were coming from everywhere. Those stupid stuffed animals," Johnny growled.
Weary, Gage laid back down, but sleep was evasive.
******
"Did the Beadie monsters get you last night, Johnny?" Chet teased.
"Don't start, Kelly, I'm not in the mood."
"Neither are we, pal," Roy, Marco, Mike and Hank responded.
"Besides, after yesterday I'm no longer wild about those stuffed animals," Roy added.
"Yeah, same here," Marco, Chet, Mike and Hank agreed.
******
"All right, Gage," Captain Stanley interrogated the tardy paramedic. "Let's hear your reason for being late this time!"
"Well, Cap, I uh, I..... I stopped at Snappy Burger," Johnny stammered.
"Right, Gage," Kelly teased. "You wanted to get the latest CY Beadie Babies?"
"That is where you're wrong, Chester B?" Johnny boasted. "I stopped to get the latest greasy meal toy all right, but not beadie babies. I'm starting my collections of these." He proudly displayed the latest toy surprise, a die cast fire truck.
"Cap, permission to buy lunch today?" Chet and Marco volunteered.
"Snappy Burger?" he questioned.
"Yes Sir," the eager firemen answered. "Gage, how many different fire trucks do they have?"
"A lot," Gage answered. "And I also have these." In his hand, he held a very large bottle of antacid tablets.
Editor's Note: This story was formerly posted at Code Red