It was a beautiful sunny day in Los Angeles on the
5th of May. After two weeks
of weather that varied only from heavy rains to fog and overcast skies, the
relief was almost overwhelming. The men of the A-shift hurried through their
chores for the day, each of them with a little lift in his step and his mood.
Springtime in Southern California was a time to be cherished when it wasn’t
raining. Everything was new and green. The rain had washed away the smog
and the air smelled fresh from the mixture of sweet pollens and ozone. Flowers
popped up in all kinds of places, including the cracks in the sidewalk that
circled the station. Soon, the drought of summer would set in and the lawns
and hillsides would turn brown with parched grass. And then, of course, would
come the brush fires. But not today, today was just about perfect.
As the morning wore on without a call, each fireman found a reason for staying
in the bay, near the large doors which had been left open, eventually drifting
outside.
“You know, guys,” Marco began as he found just the right patch
of lawn to plop down on, “what we need around here is a good Cinco De
Mayo celebration.”
“That’s five of something, right?” Cap asked, feeling somewhat
embarrassed that after all this time working in Los Angeles, and stationed
with a fireman fluent in Spanish, that all he could do was count to 10.
“Five of salad dressing, right Marco?” Chet giggled, finding more
humor in his own joke than the other men who just groaned.
Marco ignored the bad play on words. “It’s the fifth of May. It’s
a big holiday in some parts of Mexico, something about some battle with the
French. I never was too good at the history part of it, but we always had
a great time, lots of great food and fun teasing the white kids in the
neighborhood who could never figure out why we were celebrating. Once in
a while someone would ask and we’d answer with a 10 year old’s
sense of humor. That’s for us to know and you to find out.’ We
thought that was a pretty impressive come back at the time.”
The men all laughed, both at the thought of a ten year old Marco trying to
be cool and at their own memories of the things that mattered at the age
of 10. They agreed that next year they would need to plan a Cinco de Mayo
party, then all fell silent, enjoying the memories that a beautiful spring
day can elicit.
It was Roy who broke the silence.”You know, it was a day just like today
that Joanne proposed to me.” It was said so quietly and so matter of
factly that it took the men a few moments to realize what they had just heard.
Joanne proposed to Roy?
Roy looked at his colleagues and smiled. The story that had
been a source of great embarrassment when he was younger, had become a favorite
tale in later years. Roy looked at Johnny who was leaning against the wall,
grinning, anticipating the reaction of his crew mates when they heard the
whole story.
“We were only 18, still seniors in high school. We were walking down
near the river. Man, it was a gorgeous day, just like today. We stopped to
throw some peanuts to the ducks. You know, Joanne just looked so pretty.
I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her with shameless adolescent passion.
When we finally stopped, she looked me in the eye and said, 'Will you marry
me, Roy DeSoto?'”
Roy was turning red, surprised to find that he was embarrassed telling the
story here, despite having told it many times in other settings. But, he
continued. “I was so shocked, I just let her go....dropped her right
into the river! I didn t know she was leaning back against my arms. I
couldn’t believe it. I mean, for a minute I just stared at her before
I came to my senses and pulled her back out.”
Mike laughed, picturing the scene. “So, what happened, Roy, did she
take back her proposal or did she just push you in?”
“Oh yeah, Mike,” Chet spoke up, "she took back her proposal and
that’s why they never got married! Of course she didn’t take back
her proposal. They do have two kids you know.”
“Yeah, well, I know Joanne and I bet she didn’t just laugh it
off.”
Roy was just shaking his head, remembering the moment. “You’ve
got that right, Mike. Boy, was she mad. You know, smoke coming out of her
ears kind of mad. She pushed me away from her and said, 'If you didn’
t want to marry me, you could have just said no. You didn’t have to
push me into the river.’ I tried to explain that it had been an accident,
but you know how Joanne can get. She was so angry. And I was angry.”
“You were angry? What did you have to be angry about?” Chet wanted
to know.
“Well, see, I had spent the whole morning trying to get up the nerve
to pop the question. I had the ring and everything. I had the whole thing
planned. The morning ride on the Ferris wheel, the lunch at the outdoor
café, the walk by the river. I even had planned where on the river
I would stop and kiss her then take out the ring, get down on one knee and
propose. What I didn’t plan on was her beating me to the punch. So,
I stammered about for a few minutes, then I made the perfect save. I just
got down on my knee, pulled out the ring, offered it to her, and said, 'Yes,
I would be honored to marry you.’ Once she saw the ring and realized
that I had been planning to propose she forgot all about the river. Or I
thought she had. She let me put the ring on her finger, told me she loved
me, grabbed me and kissed me, then pushed me into the river. She said that
if she had to walk home looking like a wet fish, so did I.”
“That’s a great story, Roy. How come you never told us about that
before?” Hank asked.
“I don’t know. It’s just something about the day that reminded
me.”
The morning continued with no calls and the men regaled each other with tales
of young romance, remembering what it was like to be a teenager, involved
in the springtime ritual of finding a mate. In some ways, they agreed, people
were not all that different from other animals. In the spring, young men
like to puff up their feathers and strut around young women, hoping to impress
them with their manhood. It was Johnny who pointed out that the young women
did a fair amount of puffing and strutting themselves.
Lunch had just finished when the tones sounded for the first time of the
day. "Station 51, unknown type rescue, 225 Maitland Drive, cross street,
Adams.”
As the engine and the squad pulled up to the address, there was no sign of
a problem, no crowd gathered, no one waiting on the street to wave them in,
no one waving frantically from a door.
“Man, I hate it when you don’t know what’ s going on,”
Johnny said to his partner as they grabbed the oxygen and the trauma box.
They could send one of the guys back for the other equipment if it was needed.
Whatever anxiety Johnny might have been feeling about the possible unknown
elements of the rescue, they were quickly forgotten when the doorbell was
answered. There before him was one of the most beautiful women he had ever
seen. She was truly stunning, tall with long, loose auburn curls and nicely
rounded out in all the right places. She was dressed in short shorts and
a tube top that proudly displayed what they all would later agree was a very
fine physique.
It took a moment for the six men of station 51 to come to their senses. And
then, slowly and subtly, the puffing and the strutting began.
“Uh, hi, we’re uh with the Los Angeles fire department. Did you,
uh call for a paramedic?” Oh, real swift Gage. That’s
impressive.
The woman looked terribly embarrassed. "Oh my. I didn’t
mean for them to send out so many of you.”
Though Hank was in awe of the woman before him, he was also annoyed at being
summoned to what was apparently not a real problem. “Miss, did you hang
up on the 911 operator before she got a chance to ask you what the problem
was?”
“Oh, I guess I probably did. So they sent all of you thinking that maybe
there was a fire or something like that?”
“Something like that. What is the problem, Miss?”
“Katie, I’m Katie Palmer. My roommate, Carla, fell and hurt her
ankle. That’s why I called 911. She was trying to get into the attic.
There’s something alive in there. Say, since you all are here
anyway...."
“Where is your roommate now?” Roy interrupted, hoping to move this
along.
A voice from inside the house called out, “I’m in here.”
“Roy, John, why don’t the two of you go help the injured woman
and we’ll see if there isn’t something we can do to help Miss Palmer
with the attic situation.”
Johnny had found his tongue again. “You know, Cap, if it’s just
an injured ankle, Roy can probably handle it and I can help Katie here. You
guys can head back to the station.”
If looks could kill, Chet’s would have dropped Johnny there and then.
Roy had moved off to find Carla and attend to the legitimate reason they
had been called to the scene. From the living room, where he found the injured
woman with her foot up on the couch, he could hear all that was happening
in the entryway.
Chet decided to take matters into his own hands before Gage manipulated him
out of his opportunity with the woman of his dreams.”You said something
was in your attic. Do you know what it is?”
“Well, all we know for sure is that it’s alive. It’s scratching
and running up there. I just don’ t know what to do. Carla, she’s
the brave one. She got a ladder and was going to go up there. But she fell
off the ladder and hurt her ankle.”
“Miss,” Hank would have liked to help, but there had to be limits,
“it’s most likely a squirrel or a bird that got in and got trapped.
You might want to try calling animal control, but it’s really not the
kind of thing we can take care of for you.”
“Oh, but please. I called animal control earlier today and they said
I’d have to call an exterminator, but I just can’t afford that.
I don’t know what I’ll do if I have to spend a night knowing that
something is crawling around in my house.”
Johnny saw great potential here. He could push for them to help her, Cap
would say no, the engine crew would leave, and he would be left here with
Roy, a hero for trying. “Come on, Cap. We get cats out of trees, don’
t we? We can get a little squirrel out of an attic.”
Before Hank could point out that they really didn’t get cats out of
trees, Marco jumped in. “Yeah, Cap. It’s not like things have been
busy today. You could even call in and make us available from here, right?
Then we could help unless we got another call. It shouldn’t take long
to get rid of a squirrel.”
Although he was a married man, even Mike had to speak up on this one.
“Miss, do you know how long the animal has been in your attic?”
“Well, we’ve been away for a week. We just got back yesterday.
We started hearing it last night.” Katie turned to Captain Stanley and
let loose with every pheromone in her body. “Please Captain? I know
that with women’s lib and all that we should be able to handle this
on our own, but what if it’s not a squirrel? What if it’s a mouse,
or worse, a rat? Well, I would just pass out right then and God only knows
what I’d break. Helping me now could save the paramedics another run
later. Please, you wouldn’t want to abandon a damsel in distress, would
you?”
Stanley threw his hands up in resignation. “Okay, you all win. I’ll
call us in as available. Johnny, make sure Roy is all set before you join
this safari. Chet, Marco, and Mike, round yourselves up a rodent and get
it out of this house.”
“Oh my. Thank you so much. Come on, boys. The hatch to the attic is
in my bedroom.”
The men stumbled over each other as they started up the stairs, pushing at
each other to get a clear view of Katie from behind as she climbed. Even
the captain just stared in admiration for a moment before grabbing Johnny
who was ascending the staircase.
"Gage, your partner is with your victim in the other room. Remember?”
“Aw, Cap..." Johnny moaned.
“Business before pleasure, pal.”
As it turned out, Carla’s ankle was not much of a distraction. Roy assured
Johnny and the Captain that he had everything under control. The last thing
he needed was to spend the rest of the day, or even week, listening to Johnny
complain that he had been kept from the woman who would have otherwise become
his future bride. Johnny found the others in Katie’s bedroom, just in
time to see Chet at the top of a step ladder, holding a flashlight and trying
to open a ceiling hatch that led to the attic. They could all hear the scratching
above.
At that very moment, each of the men of station 51 was swelling with macho
pride, knowing they were about to become heroes in the eyes of the gorgeous
woman standing next to them. They may have stopped to revel in that belief
for a bit longer had they had any hint of the way things were about to unfold.
Chet pushed up the hatch into the attic, took a step up to the top of the
ladder, and found himself face to face with a squirrel. The squirrel hissed
at Chet who stepped back, right off the ladder and onto Marco’s face.
“Madre Dios, muy estupido!!! Get off me, you fool,” Marco yelled
at Chet as both landed on the floor, Chet sitting on Marco’s face.
Johnny ran to aid his friends as Mike jumped up the ladder to try and close
the hatch. But he was too late. Not one, but two squirrels jumped out of
the attic. The first landed on Katie’s bed and quickly found its way
under her covers. The second landed directly on Mike’s head. Mike screamed
as the squirrel tried to get a foothold by digging its claws into Mike’s
scalp. Unsuccessful, the squirrel fell to the floor and ran under the bed,
taking a significant amount of Mike’s hair and scalp with him.
Downstairs Roy had just finished wrapping Carla’s ankle when he heard
all hell break loose above him. Carla cringed and Roy just shook his head
when they heard someone fall to the floor and Marco scream at Chet. It was
Mike’s screams that sent Roy running upstairs. But as Roy was running
up, he tripped over the squirrel that was running down, landing flat on his
face on the stairs and serving as an obstacle that Captain Stanley did not
quite manage to avoid as he chased the squirrel down the stairs.
Katie stopped at the top of the stairs, looking down at the two firemen who
were now prone on her stairs. She did notice that the squirrel had escaped
through the still open door. “Oh my, are you two okay?”
As Roy and Hank pushed themselves to their feet, Katie heard angry hissing
from her bedroom, followed by something crashing and a string of swears.
She rushed back into her room, forgetting about the men on the stairs for
the moment.
The first thing Katie saw was her bed. Her comforter was now on the floor
and her sheets, mattress and pillows were in shreds. There were feathers
flying everywhere. Her bedside lamp was shattered on the floor, and she would
later wonder just how there ended up being claw marks on the wallpaper. The
angry squirrel chattered and hissed from under her bed.
Roy had left Captain Stanley nursing his injuries downstairs and came to
join the others. He quickly took in the scene. Mike was holding a wash cloth
to his head. Marco and Chet were on the floor trying to use coat hangers
to coax the squirrel out of its hiding place. Johnny was trying to tell Chet
and Marco to stop until he figured out what to do next. They finally heard
the reasoning of what he was saying and stopped.
“Okay, look, if we can get it out from under the bed, maybe we can force
it down the stairs. If we open the door it should run outside like the other
one.”
The men pushed the bed slowly over next to the open bedroom door. They then
formed a barrier around the bed, blocking all exits except the door. Marco
and Chet again began pushing with the coat hangers. As predicted, the squirrel
ran for the bedroom door and down the stairs.
Everyone sighed with relief as the squirrel ran for the open door. But just
as he was about to pass through, a car outside backfired, causing the squirrel
to change direction 90 degrees and run instead into the living room.
Roy headed quickly, but carefully back down the stairs, expecting his co-workers
to follow, but the men upstairs found themselves trapped in the bedroom with
the queen size bed between them and the bedroom door. All four and Katie
decided at the same time to try to scramble over the bed to get to the door.
This time it was Chet who ended up with a foot in his eye, although it was
never completely clear whose foot it was or if it was entirely an accident.
By the time the men and Katie got downstairs, the damage had begun. The squirrel
had tried to get to safety by climbing up the drapes on the picture window.
The drapes were now half off the window and torn. A vase was in pieces on
the floor with water and flowers scattered about on the white carpet. Carla
was sitting on the couch with her hands over her face, not wanting to look
at the damage. The squirrel had made his way into the kitchen and was trapped
on a shelf above the stove. Broken plates and glasses were scattered about.
Johnny slowly approached Roy who was standing in front of the stove.
“Okay, enough is enough,” Roy said, maybe to Johnny, maybe to the
squirrel. “Let’s just open the kitchen door to the outside, close
the door that leads to the rest of the house, and leave the kitchen. Once
he’s not scared, he’ll take advantage of the open door and
leave.”
But Johnny was not convinced. “Maybe, maybe not, Roy. Look at all the
food in here. He may decide to just hang out and munch for a while first
and think of what damage he could do.” Then he whispered, “I don’
t think we can afford to pay for what he’s already damaged, never mind
anything else.”
If anyone else had an opinion, they didn’t get a chance to express it.
The squirrel had already made up his mind that his best defense was a good
offense. He jumped from the shelf, hitting the stove and turning on a gas
burner on his way down. He landed at Johnny’s feet. Johnny tried to
kick him toward the door. Not liking that one bit, the squirrel ran back
up Johnny’s leg and jumped back onto the stove, landing right next to
the now lit burner. Feeling the flames, he jumped again, this time landing
on Johnny’s chest where he tried to grab hold.
Johnny screamed in pain at the impact of the squirrel’s claws not even
noticing that the squirrel’s tail had caught fire from the stove and
now his shirt was on fire as well. It was Katie who grabbed the fire extinguisher
and aimed it at Johnny and his flaming shirt. As Katie was not used to handling
the contraption, the foam went everywhere, covering the kitchen, the firemen,
and quite by chance, putting out the flames on Johnny’s shirt.
And then, for the first time in half an hour, everything was quiet. Katie
looked around and thought about crying, but then slowly, inexplicably, began
to laugh. “Oh my,” she mumbled, “this is quite a situation
isn’t it? I am so sorry I asked you all to help me. Believe me, I am
really sorry. Very sorry!”
Once they had made sure there was no more risk of fire, Katie and Carla had
escorted the men out of the house, promising to call a carpenter to find
out how the squirrels had gotten in and promising not to call 911 the next
time they needed help. Katie had found a secure box and was bringing the
unconscious but still breathing squirrel to the vet when they left. Carla
chose to pass on a transport to the hospital, saying that she would be safer
going to her own doctor.
Captain Stanley had had no choice but to stand the station down and was now
in a foul mood after having had to explain to the Chief exactly why it was
that they needed to go out of service for a period of time. He had taken
the full brunt of the chief's anger and had taken full responsibility for
their actions. He knew he would pay a price which was being extracted beginning
now.
Having shown up at Rampart en masse, they were shuttled into treatment room
6, an ER room designed to hold four people but Dixie had felt sure that Kel
Brackett would want to hear about this one from all of them together. Fortunately
or unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it, it was a slow day in
the ER so Brackett, Early, and Morton all joined Dixie with the men of 51.
Brackett surveyed the room. Roy DeSoto had what looked like rug burns on
his face and Marco Lopez had a black eye. Captain Stanley seemed to be nursing
his shoulder and ankle. Chet Kelly had a black eye and a swollen knee. Mike
Stoker was holding a bandage to his head. And then there was Johnny. He was
sitting on the table in tattered, bloodied, burnt clothes, arguing with Roy
who was telling him to take off his shirt.
Brackett stepped up to Johnny and told him, “Do what your partner told
you. Take off the shirt.” Seeing quickly that the injuries, whatever
they may be, were already bandaged and not currently bleeding, Brackett stepped
back, folded his arms across his chest, and spoke to the group.
“Okay, whatever happened here, nobody called it in, so do you all want
to explain what exactly happened?”
Six sets of eyes looked at the ceiling, the floor, each other, anywhere but
at Brackett and the other medical staff in the room. It was Johnny who finally
spoke.
“Doc, have you ever met a woman who was so drop dead gorgeous you would
have done anything she asked?”
Brackett’s eyes widened. “You’ve got to be kidding. All of
this is the result of flirting? I hope one of you at least got a date out
of it.”
Johnny’s whole face lit up in a wicked, crooked grin. “Well, not
exactly, Doc, but Marco, Chet, Mike and I did all get to be in bed with her
at the same time.”
“Now this, I have to hear,” Brackett said, leaning up against a
wall to get comfortable. “Gentlemen, whenever you’re ready, I’m
all ears.”
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