It was a normal night at ACME labs. The Brain was working feverishly hopping from button to button on a calculator. He was calculating the cost of his latest attempt to take over the world. Thankfully Pinky was deeply engrossed in watching his favorite television program. A dreadful little waste of celluloid called Animaniacs. Its only saving grace, in the Brain's not so humble opinion, was that it kept Pinky from running in that reprehensible wheel of his. That constant squeaking was enough to set a genius' teeth on edge.
The Brain was deep in thought when, suddenly a howl of protest erupted from his intellectually challenged companion.
"What is it, Pinky?" Brain hardly dared to ask.
"They've, sniff! turned off Animaniacs for a special report! Troz!" A tear formed at the corner of Pinky's eye as he reported what he thought of as tragic news.
Brain glanced at the television screen, ignoring his friend's bawling. "It may surprise you to hear this, Pinky, but there are more important things in this world then cartoons."
"There, sniffle, ARE? Nnnaaarrrrff." Pinky was amazed at the thought.
Instead of the exploits of the Warner Brothers and their sister Dot, the screen was filled with the scene of a fire. The fire was at a bank and firemen were attacking the blaze. At first Brain paid no attention to the news report but eventually it got his attention. It was neither the fire nor the fire trucks that had caught his eye. It was the complete access the firemen had to the otherwise secure bank. They came and went as they pleased with no questions asked by the police. He got a brilliant idea. "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
Pinky, who had seemingly gotten over the interruption of his show, replied,
"Wuh, I think so Brain, but if you took everything in life with a grain of salt, wouldn't caviar taste weird?"
Brain gave his cage-mate a critical look. "Since when do you know what caviar tastes like?" Returning to his train of thought, he corrected Pinky. "No, Pinky, have you noticed how firefighters have access to literally everything?"
"Can't say I have! Zort!"
"That's it, Pinky!! That's how I'll finance my completely foolproof plan to take over the world! If we were firemen we could just waltz into the bank and make a - er withdrawal."
"Egad, Brain, brilliant! But, oh no, wait, wait...we're not firemen!"
"I know that, Pinky. We'll simply hypnotize an unsuspecting pair of firefighters into following our every command..."
"But isn't firefighting dangerous? Poit!"
"Yes, but we'll be safe within the metal bars of the cage. Behold, the Hypnotizer 3000!" Brain yanked a white sheet off of a mysterious object. The machine was very new, in a few places it gleamed.
"Naarrrrfff." Pinky gaped, awed for the second time that night.
"Narf, indeed, Pinky. Now all we need do is summon the fire Department to our location by dialing 911."
An excited grin spread across Pinky's face, and he started hopping up and down, clapping happily. "Can we talk to Captain Kirk? Can we, Brain?"
"Pinky, don't force me to hurt you."
###
Station 51 Fire at ACME Labs 1313 Acme Circle Cross Street Wiley Coyote Drive Time out 23:30
The crew of Station 51 jumped out of bed and ran to the garage.
"Station 51 Kmg 365," Captain Stanley acknowledged. He handed Roy the address and ran to the engine. The garage doors opened and the squad and the engine took off.
They pulled into the complex at ACME labs. There were flames showing in several places and the air was heavy with smoke.
A dazed security guard approached the captain.
"Did everyone get out?" Stanley demanded.
"I don't know. I don't know who called it in. The call came from one of the labs. One of the scientists might be working late. You know how weird scientists are."
"Chet, Marco -- get a two and a half on the west end. Roy, John go in and search for victims," he barked and reached for the mic in the engine "LA we need a second alarm at our location."
Roy and Johnny suited up and headed into the building. The firemen were all busy doing their jobs. Too busy to realize that the entire fire was a holographic projection.
Roy and Johnny had been searching all the labs but they had found no victims. They approached the last lab. They were puzzled by a sign that said. LAB MICE. NO CHEESE BEYOND THIS POINT
"Scientist humor I guess," Roy shrugged pushing the door opened. He and Johnny entered.
There was no smoke in the lab so Johnny chanced removing his mask. After a minute, Roy followed suit.
"I don't see anyone," Johnny said.
"Well, let's look around," Roy advised.
"Look at this place," Johnny was in awe. "Wonder what all this stuff does?"
"Well don't touch anything," Roy warned.
"Hey, Roy a couple of the mice are loose. I'd better put them back into their cage so they don't get lost."
Little did Johnny realize that he was working right into the Brain's plan. As soon as he picked them up, a bright light hit him right in the face. He yelped. Roy approached to see what was wrong. It was a terrible error. He too was caught in the bright light. Both paramedics were completely mesmerized and ready to become an integral part of the Brain's plan to conquer the world.
The bright light was replaced by a series of swirling colors. The more the paramedics stared at the projection the more deeply they came under the Brain's control. In a few minutes they were little more than zombies awaiting the command of their leader.
"Firemen, you are now under my control. Do you understand what I am telling you?"
"Yes Master," they said in unison.
"What a refreshing change! Minions that actually have a modicum of native intelligence." The Brain marveled. After dealing almost exclusively with Pinky he was looking forward to having the firemen to do his bidding.
"This is what I want you to do," Brain continued," You must go back to the fire station and await further instructions. There is no fire here. It is all a holographic projection designed to lure you here to assist me in my plan to take over the world. That must remain our secret for the time being so for now act perfectly normally. No one must suspect a thing. Do you understand?"
"Yes Master," they repeated.
"Excellent. Now you will return to your firehouse."
As one they turned and left the lab and continued on out of the building. They walked up to the cap. "There's no fire here, Cap. It's a hoax. Nothing but a holographic projection."
"Are you sure, Roy?" the cap was astounded. "I've called in a second alarm."
"I'm sure, Cap," Roy said. Suddenly the fire simply disappeared.
There was some confusion but no trace of the fire or fire damage could be found and within the hour they were heading back to the station.
Inside the squad Roy threw Johnny a sideways glance. "Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Johnny?"
"I think so, Roy, but how could we be in a cartoon? We have too many fingers."
"Don't force me to hurt you, Johnny."
###
Back at the fire station Roy and Johnny followed the Brain's command to act perfectly normally. Unfortunately what was normal behavior for Pinky and the Brain was peculiar behavior for Roy and Johnny -- well for Roy anyway.
By half way through their next shift Chet pulled Marco aside. "Have you noticed something weird is going on with Roy and John?"
"I'll say. I offered Roy a slice of cheese for his hamburger and he went ballistic. He called me a towering monument to homosapien idiocy -- what ever the heck that means."
"That's just what I mean. The way Roy is talking. Gage is even goofier that ever and the things they are saying. They don't sound like themselves at all."
"Who do they sound like?"
"Well it took me a while to place it but now I know. Remember that fire last shift at ACME labs?"
"You mean the fire that wasn't really there? Boy! I just loved getting up from a sound sleep for that one."
"Well that's where it started. I think something happened to them there. Something weird."
Marco stared at him suspiciously.
"Look, Marco, have you ever heard of Pinky and the Brain?"
"That cartoon show?"
"That's the one. Admit it. You watch it."
"Well sometimes my nieces and nephews have it on."
"Well, just listen to the way Roy and Johnny are talking."
"So maybe they watch it too. It's a free country."
"No, Marco, it's more serious than that. I don't think they watch Pinky and the Brain -- I think they ARE Pinky and the Brain -- or that they are under their control!"
"That's insane!!!"
"Is it? All those weird phonecalls they get and the strange things they do afterwards. Besides," Chet lowered his voice and looked around before continuing, "I have proof."
"What proof?"
"I taped one of their calls."
"That's illegal."
"So's trying to take over the world," Chet vowed. He yanked Marco into the supply closet and played the tape for him. On the tape the Brain was giving Roy and Johnny explicit instructions on how to obtain the tools they would need to set an arson fire at the First Dubba Bank. They were then to lie in wait with their fire department gear, blend in with the Firefighters and get into the vault and clean it out during the confusion. This arson was to take place on Thursday night when the bank had extra funds to meet the Friday check cashes.
"What do we do? Tell the cops?"
"You want Roy and John to have criminal records? They are only the dumb pawns of an evil genius. I say we go right to the source to stop this."
"What are you taking about? Thursday is only two nights away."
"Exactly. So we have to make our move tomorrow night."
"What do you mean we?"
"I don't believe you, Marco. Surely you want to help Roy and John. Besides my whole plan hinges on you."
"Why me?"
"Simple, Marco. You're the one with the rapport with mice. Remember Herbert?"
"Poor Herbert."
"You want Roy and John to end up the way he did?"
"What are you saying?!"
"They pull this arson fire and they are criminals.You know criminals always have to pay -- just like Herbert did. Think of Joanne and the kids. What would happen to them with Roy in a cage?"
"Okay. Okay. I know I'm going to regret this. What do we do?" Marco asked hesitantly.
###
The next night found Chet and Marco standing outside the gates at ACME labs. They were each dressed completely in black with black wool stocking caps on their heads. They had "borrowed" some forcible entry tools from the station. Marco was sure they would end up in the cage next to Roy and Johnny before the night was through but for Roy's family's sake he had to give Chet's plan a try.
They waited while the night watchman made his rounds. They calculated that at the pace the man was moving it would be 14 days 7 hours and 52 minutes before he came back that way. When he finally ambled out of sight they made their move.
With a minimal effort they got into the building and made their way to the lab. They too noticed the no cheese sign.
"Boy somebody sure doesn't like cheese," Marco remarked.
"The same somebody that's running Roy runs this place." Chet told him. Dramatically Chet pushed the door open. "Alright, Brain. We know what you're up to and we're here to stop you!"
"If it's a battle of wits you've come to wage," Brain said confidently, "You're sorely low on ammunition!"
"Hey! I didn't come here to be insulted!" Chet told him.
"I would imagine you could have gone anywhere on the planet and had that situation ensue."
"What did he say?" Marco asked Pinky.
"Dunno. He always astounds me!"
The battle of wits raged on for several minutes but it was sadly one-sided. "Okay, you meices. No more Mr. Nice Guy!" Chet threatened.
"I say! We'll have no Hanna Barbera-ing here!" The Brain was taken aback! Not only had the fool human quoted a cat -- it was a cat from another studio!
But this time Chet did not allow himself to be drawn into another exchange of witticisms. He started looking around the lab. He knew what he was looking for. Some sort of device with which the Brain could control the thoughts and actions of the paramedics. Several shiny mechanical looking devices caught his eye and he started smashing them.
"What's he doing?" Pinky asked Marco conversationally.
"He's trying to save our friends. Brain has hypnotized them and they are going to commit a crime. If they do they'll go to prison and end up in a cage."
"Cages aren't that bad! Specially if they give ya a wheel to run in," Pinky confided.
"But you don't understand. One of those men has a wife and two little children to support. If he goes to jail, what will happen to them? They'll be thrown out on the street!" Marco was getting emotional.
Pinky pulled a handkerchief from nowhere and blew his nose noisily. "Ooooh I can't do it, Brain. I'm sorry but I just can't!" He marched over to the sheet under which the Hypnotizer 3000 was hidden and pulled the sheet off.
Chet took his crow bar and smashed the machine to pieces. Soon the two firemen/burglers left the lab.
Brain stared at the thousand of pieces that had once been one of his finest inventions. Pinky approached him cautiously. "I'm sorry, Brain. Really I am."
"That's quite alright, Pinky. I can see now that there was a flaw in my plan and I have formed yet another. You see, I should have never pinned all my hopes on the idea of taking over two humans to do my bidding. I overestimated their value. What I really need to do is take them all over. Every man, woman and child must be under my power. Then I can easily take over the world."
"Gee, Brain, every man woman and child. How ya gonna do that?"
"It's simple, Pinky. So simple it is beautiful. All I have to do is create a website that will get them hooked. They will be coming to this website at all hours of the day and night. Even when they are supposed to be at work. Before long the entire population will be in my hands. And in honor of our friends at the fire station. I'm going to call my website KMG 365!"
"Zort! Brain, you astound me!"
"I'm afraid I always will, Pinky."
Pinky, undaunted, inquired,"So, what're we gonna do tomorrow night, Brain?"
"The same thing we do every night, Pinky, try to take over the World.....Wide Web!"
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