Would You Like Some Paranoia With Your Premonition?


by lisa damiani



He watched his partner walk fearlessly toward the burning room. "Johnny, wait for Chet with the hose." Johnny looked back at his best friend. "I got it, Roy. I think I see the victim. I'll have her out in two minutes."

"Johnny, I really think you should wait." Roy watched helplessly as Johnny waved him off and disappeared through the dust and smoke.

Roy continued to check the main room for signs of life. There were none. He looked in the direction of the door his partner had disappeared through more than 5 minutes ago.

"Where the hell is he?" Roy wondered out loud.

"Johnny? Can you hear me? You coming out?" Roy called in the direction of the door. There was no response. "I should go in after him," his head was telling him.

Roy wanted desperately to run into the room and see what was keeping Johnny from emerging. Flames were shooting out of the doorway and loud crashing noises were expelling through the air. Suddenly, Roy was gripped with fear and unable to move. He looked around the room once more. "Damn it! Where the hell is Chet with that hose?" Roy snarled.

Just then, Roy thought he heard the desperate cries of his partner. "Help me, Roy, I'm going to fall!"

Again Roy looked toward the doorway Johnny had exited through only minutes before. This time, there were no flames obstructing the doorway. As a matter of fact, there was nothing past the doorway at all.

Roy ventured a few steps toward the door. As he neared, he spotted eight gloved fingers depressed to the bottom of the threshold. He cautiously inched forward. Finally, he was close enough where he was able to peer just over the portal. Johnny hung there by his fingertips. His thumbs were tucked under the ledge. His face was constrained and his feet were dangling through the air. The room that once held Johnny was now gone. It was replaced by a fiery pit about 50 yards below him.

"Roy, please hurry.... I can't hold on much longer!" Johnny cried.

Roy knelt down and grabbed Johnny's two wrists. "Johnny, pull yourself up. I got you."

"I can't, Roy.... Don't... have a good... grip..." he gasped through clenched teeth.

Just then, Roy felt the dead weight of his partner. Johnny released his grip on the floor of the doorsill.

"Roy, help me!" Johnny begged.

"I'm trying, Johnny... hold on." Roy felt the slick sweat of Johnny's wrists seeping between his grip. Soon, Johnny had slipped down one inch from his hold. Roy's hands were now flush with the base of Johnny's gloves. The gloves began to fold up as Johnny's weight sucked him further down into the fiery abyss.

"I'm slipping, Roy!"

Roy pulled every muscle he had into the fight to save his partner. He just couldn't seem to make any progress. It seemed the harder Roy pulled, the further down Johnny slipped.

Roy looked into Johnny's eyes. Gage's face was streaked with tears and wore a look of utter terror.

"Please, Roy.... Don't let me fall! I don't want to die!"

Just then, the last of Johnny's gloves rolled up releasing Johnny. Johnny was consumed by the fire below screaming Roy's name the entire way down.

Roy was left peering over the door frame. The only thing left in his hands were Johnny's gloves. He watched as his best friend plummeted to his death.

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

*********

Roy woke up screaming. Immediately, Joanne sat up with a start.

"Roy, what is it?"

Beads of sweat poured down Roy's face. He looked down at his hands. He was expecting to see Johnny's gloves still clenched between his sweaty fingers. But his hands were empty. He looked vigorously around the room. He realized he was in his bedroom. He started to breath again.

*************

Roy pulled into Station 51 and into his usual parking space. A knot formed in his stomach as he noticed John's space was still empty.

The nightmare Roy had had last night was not the first of late. Last month, he and his partner were involved in a pretty hairy rescue at a construction site. A worker was trapped in a pipe well below the building's foundation. Johnny, being the thinner of the two, was the obvious choice to reach him. Thinking back, Roy realized that was the moment he started to consider the added risks Johnny had always been voted to take or volunteered for himself.

Really, it wasn't fair. Being the leaner of the two always led to Johnny squeezing into tighter spots. But what bothered Roy most was the sudden realization that Johnny never once seemed to complain about the added danger he encountered on a regular basis. As a matter of fact, he seemed to thrive on it.

It was then that Roy became aware that his partner got a personal high off peril. And that alone was more frightening to him then the usual dangers of their job. With that attitude, Roy was certain Johnny would get in over his head someday.

The rescue at the construction site had indeed gotten sticky. After almost an hour of trying to reach the trapped man, Johnny too, had become trapped due to a crack and a cave in of the foundation. It took the added forces of two engine companies and another paramedic squad just under five hours to rescue both men.

As he had many times before, Johnny had somehow managed to escape within inches of his life and bounced back to a full recovery ready to tempt fate again at his next convenience.

It was after Roy had come to these conclusions about his dare devil partner that his nightmares had started. Originally, they were disjointed and sometimes Roy would only remember small pieces after waking. He thought about discussing his concerns with Johnny but quickly dismissed it. Johnny would only think he was crazy and probably get mad at Roy for "mothering" him which was something Roy tended to do when he thought Johnny was ill or uncomfortable. Whenever Johnny would ignore Roy's swarming, he would usually enlist the help of their Captain, Hank Stanley. On more than one occasion, Johnny was sent to Rampart for examinations by Captain Stanley on Roy's recommendation.

Trying to give Johnny the benefit of the doubt, Roy decided to keep his concerns to himself. But lately, the nightmares he had been having were becoming all too real. Roy was having trouble discerning the actual rescues from his slumber induced disasters.

The nightmare he had had last night was one of the more vivid ones. And because of it, Roy couldn't shake the need to see his partner alive and well. He looked at his watch. Johnny still had 10 minutes before the shift started so Roy forced his uneasiness to go away.

He walked in to the locker room and proceeded to change. The minutes ticked away and still no sign of Johnny. Where is he? Roy wondered.

Just then, with only one minute to spare, Johnny exploded into the room.

"Cutting it a little close there, partner." Roy stated, his voice relieved.

"No kidding! I got stuck behind a trash truck. When will I learn that on Wednesday's I need to take an alternate route." Johnny explained as he quickly changed into his uniform.

Roy gave him a slap on the shoulder and headed out into the day room for roll call.

Once on the other side of the door, Roy allowed himself to let out the breath he'd been holding. This really is crazy thinking, DeSoto, he told himself. Maybe you're just over reacting. You have to stop being paranoid about Johnny. He's just a normal firefighter doing the job as best he can. Nothing he does at work is out of line!

*************

The morning passed by for Station 51 with uncharacteristic peace and quiet. Captain Stanley was in his office coping with paperwork. Chet and Marco hung hose outside. In the kitchen, Stoker readied lunch. Roy checked the oxygen tanks on the squad while Johnny mopped the floor around the squad.

"So anyway, Roy, I see this chick standing in the produce section at MegaMart. She's just standing there fondling the honeydews. I knew she had no clue what she was doing! I mean, even a bachelor like me knows you shake the honeydew, not man handle it. So all I did was offer her a little advice and she damn near threw the thing at me! I tell you, Roy, the chicks today are on something..."

Roy tried to drown out his partner's latest episode. As usual, a day off proved to be too much excitement for the dark haired paramedic. Seemed no matter where Johnny went or what he did, he always came out with at least one tale of horror. At least it's not another break up story. I don't think I am in the mood for one of those today, Roy thought to himself.

Johnny's story was interrupted by the station's tones.

"Station 51, Structure fire. Rolos shopping Center. Rolos Blvd. and 26th street. Time out 2:10." Sam Laneir's voice boomed through the box.

Hank Stanley emerged from his office and headed for the mic. He wrote the address down on two separate sheets of paper. "Station 51, KMG365," he responded. Hank handed one paper to Roy through the squad window and took the other piece with him to the engine. Mike, Chet and Marco were already seated in turnout gear ready to go. Mike and Roy switched on the sirens in their respective vehicles and to the scene they drove.

They pulled up to a couple of small businesses ablaze in a strip mall, The fire seemed to originate at a the small print shop which already was a total loss. The real problem though, was that the fire had started to spread across to the neighboring establishments. It had crept over to the print shop's next door neighbor on the left, which was a beauty salon. The deli on the right was also beginning to suffer from the fire. Fortunately, the other businesses in the strip mall were already responding to the impending danger. People were quickly exiting the building.

Hank jumped down from his perch in the engine while it was still in motion. Seeing the extent of the situation, he immediately took out his HT. "LA, this is Engine 51. This fire is fully involved. Please respond me a second alarm assignment."

"10-4, Engine 51."

"Station 16, Station 112, respond with Engine 51. Rolos shopping Center. Rolos Blvd. and 26th street. Time out, 216."

That taken care of, Hank directed his attention to his men.

"Chet, Marco, grab an inch and a half. Start working on the front of the building near that print shop. Roy, John, grab another inch and a half and work your way in through the beauty salon. Keep an eye out for victims, OK?"

John and Roy tipped their helmets at Captain Stanley in acknowledgment. They donned their turnout gear, grabbed a hose and ran toward the burning structure.

Captain Stanley began mowing through the crowd trying to get a running tab of how many businesses were in danger and making sure store owners had evacuated their entire staff.

As the firefighters neared the building, searing heat greeted them. But they stood their ground and continued forward to battle the blaze unintimidated. Chet and Marco disappeared inside the building within minutes. Johnny and Roy were not far behind. However, just as they were nearing the entrance to the salon Johnny noticed a form stumbling out. "Roy! Over there!" Johnny said as he pointed. Roy, who was holding the nozzle, turned to see what Johnny was staring at. He put down the hose and both he and John ran towards the dazed man.

"Cap! We have a victim over here!" Johnny shouted over his shoulder as they reached him.

Hearing this, Cap took out his Handy Talkie once again. "LA, This is Engine 51. Please respond an ambulance to our location."

"10-4, Engine 51."

"Sir, where are you hurt?" Johnny asked the man as he draped his arm around his neck and helped him to where the squad was parked. Seeing John could handle the victim alone, Roy ran ahead to the squad to extract the needed equipment. By the time Johnny got there, Roy had already slipped out of his airtank and was setting up the biophone. Captain Stanley retrieved the drug box and set that down next to Roy.

The man collapsed just as Johnny was about to set him down. "Sir! Sir, can you hear me?" Johnny started checking his vitals. Captain Stanley grabbed the oxygen and began to administer it. All of a sudden, the man became very agitated.

"Matt was with me! In the printshop. Did he get out?" The man asked in a panic.

"Sir, no one else followed you out. Are you telling me someone else is still in that building?" Johnny asked urgently.

The man nodded his head in the affirmative.

"Sir, do you know where he might be located?" Johnny asked.

The man thought for a moment. "Second floor... I think. He was doing inventory of our paper stock."

Captain Stanley once again slipped the oxygen mask over the man's face. In the background, Engines 16 and 112 could be heard reaching the scene.

In a flash, Johnny was on his feet. "Roy, can you handle this one? I'll go in and look for the other guy."

Roy took a quick glance back at the building. The fire was still roaring as loud as it had been when they arrived. Chet and Marco didn't seem to be getting anywhere with their efforts. For a brief moment, Roy flashed back to his nightmare in which Johnny perished in flames.

"Yeah, John, I can handle him. But I really think you should wait for backup. The building looks very unstable." Roy cautioned.

Captain Stanley responded by grabbing his handy talkie and instructing the newly arrived Engine 16 to work on the flames from behind the building. He then told Chet to accompany Gage for a possible rescue.

"10-4" came Chet's reply over the HT. Johnny was already running back toward the building to meet up with Chet.

"Please, be careful, Junior." Roy mumbled to himself.

***********

Johnny rushed into the printshop. On his heels was Fireman Jake Bayer from Engine 16. Jake grabbed the hose line position behind Marco, vacated by Chet.

"Chet, we think there's a second victim upstairs." Johnny said to him as he motioned to the stairwell.

Chet nodded his head in the affirmative. "Let's go," he replied.

After testing the stairs for stability, the two rescuers emerged onto the second level. "I think his name is Matt," Johnny told Chet through his airmask.

The upper level consisted of rows and stacks of sample books and reams of paper. Johnny and Chet began their methodical search through inventory calling the missing man's name. Chet roamed to the right, Johnny searched to the left.

After a few minutes, Chet spotted the print shop worker huddled on the floor. He ran over to him and immediately checked for a carotid.

"Johnny! I found him!" Chet yelled.

"Chet, keep talking until I find you," Johnny yelled back.

Chet kept verbal contact for the few minutes it took Johnny to find them.

"How's he look, Chet?" Johnny asked as he approached.

"Strong carotid. I think just a bad case of smoke inhalation," Chet replied.

"Okay, Chet. Let's get him out of here."

But as Johnny stooped down to lift the victim, he heard noises coming from a room next to their position.

"Chet, there maybe someone in that room over there. I'm going to go check it out. Can you handle him by yourself?"

In one fluid motion, Chet hefted the victim over his shoulders in a traditional fireman's carry. "I got him, no problem, John."

"Good deal. I'll be right behind you in a couple of minutes."

"10-4," Chet said as he hurried toward the exit with his victim.

Johnny turned and ran toward the room from which he'd heard sounds emanating.

Testing the door first with his ungloved hand, he felt for heat.

"Damn, pretty warm." Johnny muttered to himself. He flung open the door while at the same time jumping back behind the wall. Satisfied there wasn't going to be a flashover, he entered the room.

The small storage closet was ablaze before him. "Anyone in here?" he yelled.

There was no reply. Then Johnny heard the same grumbling noises he'd heard earlier. He looked up and discovered that the noises were from the ceiling caving in.

"Oh Shit!" was the first thought that came into Johnny's head. The second was to dive back out the door.

****************

From his position near the squad, Roy kept vigil on the entrance of the building. After what seemed a lifetime, a form came bursting out with a victim thrown over his shoulders.

"Thank God," Roy said to himself.

Roy waited for a second body to exit the building. Seeing none, he began to panic - especially when he noticed that the approaching firefighter was Chet.

"Where the hell is Johnny?" Roy asked.

Chet gently lay his victim next to the first man on the emergency blanket set out by Roy.

"He said he needed to check one more room for victims," he responded.

Roy was already attending to his newest charge. "Why in God's name is he still in there? We were only informed of ONE missing man," Roy blurted out in frustration as he checked the man's pupil reaction.

"I'll tell you, Chet, he's so damn reckless sometimes," Roy continued while taking the man's BP.

Chet was taken aback by Roy's sudden disdain for Johnny's thoroughness. "Relax, Roy. He said he'd only be a minute."

Chet's last words were drowned out by a sudden crashing sound. Chet's HT squawked to life.

"Engine 51, this is Lopez. There's been a cave in on the second floor."

"10-4, Lopez. We're sending in reinforcements," Captain Stanley squawked back over the HT.

Immediately, Roy wanted to run into the building after his partner but knew his first duty was to his patients. "Chet?"

Chet was already running back towards the building.

************

Ouch! I hate explosions. Especially when I'm so close to one! Johnny thought as he picked himself of the ground. He patted his body down in a quick injury assessment. Well, no worse for wear, I guess. Than as an after thought, For once!

Better get out of here. Johnny ran towards the stairwell and made his descent. He nearly ran into Chet as he reached the bottom.

"Johnny! You okay?" Chet asked.

"Yeah, not a scratch," Johnny replied.

"Well, you'd better get back out to your partner as fast as you can," Chet told him.

Johnny suddenly sounded worried. "What's the matter with Roy?"

"Mother Hen Syndrome," Chet said plainly.

Shaking his head in confusion, Johnny ran out the building. Chet remained inside to help knock down the fire.

**********

"Need a hand?"

Roy was so busy looking after his two patients that he hadn't even noticed his partner's arrival.

"Oh, are you done playing hero?" Roy asked pointedly. Roy knew he should have been relieved at the sight of his partner. But instead, he was angry. In his eyes, here was Johnny once again tempting fate and getting away with it. Soon, fate would catch up to him.

"Huh?" John asked confused.

"Never mind. This isn't the place," said Roy distractedly. "Just keep an eye on that first guy, Okay. I thought I heard Rales a little while ago.

Johnny did as Roy requested. In the background, the ambulance's sirens could be heard.

"You wanna ride in with them, Roy?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah, sure. I'll see you at the hospital. Try not to get in any trouble in the mean time, Junior," Roy said.

Johnny again wore an expression of puzzlement. What's HIS problem? I'm the one who almost got blown up to kingdom come! But instead of a confrontation, Johnny helped ready the victims for transport and climbed inside the squad to follow Roy to Rampart.

***********

Johnny strode his way through the emergency doors at Rampart General whistling a nameless tune. He quickened his step as he noticed his favorite ER nurse, Dixie McCall, sitting near the base station. She was talking to Roy.

Hearing the approaching whistle, Roy stopped his conversation and looked at the new comer. "And that's it, Dix," Roy finished.

"What's it?" Johnny asked as he reached the base station catching the last of their conversation.

"Nothing. Ready to head back?" Roy asked as he gathered a few supplies under his arm.

Giving a perplexed look at Roy, Johnny replied, "Well, actually I was kinda hoping for a good cup of Rampart coffee and some polite conversation with my favorite ER nurse." Johnny smiled toward Dixie. She returned the sentiment.

"C'mon, Junior. We have work back at the station," Roy said as he started down the hallway.

Johnny stared after his partner for a few minutes then looked at Dixie. "Was it something I said?" he asked.

Dixie smiled at her favorite paramedic. "It's probably nothing, Johnny."

Johnny let out a deep sigh. "I sure hope you're right. There's only one thing worse than me being moody- and that's HIM being moody!" Gage threw Dixie one of his lopsided grins then turned to follow Roy out to where the squad was waiting.

*********

Johnny stared out the passenger side window of Squad 51 as Roy drove them back to the station. He just couldn't figure out what he'd done to make Roy so stand offish towards him. Finally, he had to say something.

"Roy, did I do something?" he blurted out.

"Huh?"

"Did I do something?" Johnny repeated. "Ever since the fire this afternoon, you've been out of sorts with me. I was just wondering what exactly I did to deserve it, that's all."

Roy let out a sigh. Johnny was right. He had been acting mean toward his partner.

"I'm sorry, Johnny," Roy finally apologized. "I can't explain it, but I just had a really bad feeling about you and that fire today. And when Chet came out and you didn't...." Roy's voice trailed off. Then after a minute, he continued, "I guess I sorta panicked. But really, you did nothing I wouldn't have done in your shoes."

Johnny smiled his trademark grin. "Awe, I never knew you cared!" he cooed.

"I don't." Roy said quickly and matter of factly. After a few seconds though, he turned to Johnny and smiled to show he was kidding.

*********


"I hate water rescues," Roy said glumly as he parked the squad near the river embankment.

"I agree. The salt water really does a number on my hair. Plus, your shoes never really dry, do they?" Johnny smirked.

"Yeah, go ahead and make jokes. The truth is water rescues are one of the toughest jobs we have."

Johnny was already slipping off his paramedic tool pouch and shoes.

"Oh, stop your whining, you big baby. I'll go in and get 'em!" Johnny said as he jumped off the embankment.

"Johnny! What are you doing? Get back here!" Roy yelled out. But it was too late, Johnny had already disappeared into the raging waters below.

Roy knelt down near the edge, searching for Johnny. After a few moments, he found John bobbing up and down swimming closer to a kid who was hanging on to the tree branch for dear life. Roy could hear Johnny's faint shouts of encouragement to the young boy.

"Hold on, son. I'm coming to get you. I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Help me!" The boy shouted back.

The waters were rough but Roy was relieved to see Johnny was holding his own. He's a better swimmer than I thought. Roy commented to himself.

But just as Roy began to feel assured, all hell broke loose. From out of nowhere, the already raging waters climbed to twenty foot waves. Johnny was intent on swimming forward to reach the young victim. He was not looking behind him so he had no idea of his impending doom. Roy attempted to shout Johnny a warning, but no voice would escape his lips. He knelt there peering over the embankment purely numb.

The huge wave came crashing down on Johnny just as he reached the boy. The harsh water smacked into him with disorienting results. Johnny was thrown into the rocks and was forced to release his hold on the boy. The crash between Johnny's skull and the rockface was such a horrific sight, Roy could almost swear he heard the impact from where he stood.

Roy watched helplessly as the boy was carried further down the embankment. There was no way he or Johnny would be able to catch him. Roy then returned his thoughts to his partner who was still caught in the watery hell beneath. He was so afraid of what he might see that he had to actually force himself to turn his head back in that direction.

Somehow Johnny's body had managed to be swept onto the top of the rockface. Roy knew it wasn't the safest spot but hoped that Johnny's perch would allow him some safety while he figured out a way to get to him.

Even from his distance, Roy could see blood pouring from a huge gash on Johnny's forehead. His body was unmoving and obviously unconscious. Knowing a serious head injury and the frigid temperatures would surely send his partner into shock soon, Roy thought desperately of a way to rescue his friend.

But before a plan was devised in Roy's head, another huge wave washed over the rockface. When the water subsided, Johnny was gone.

Suddenly, Roy felt cold water splash onto his own face. The waters were ready to claim their next victim.

*************

"Help me!" Roy sat up with a start. He was soaked. Half from sweat, half from the glass of water Chet just threw at him.

"Relax, Roy. We had to wake you up. You were tossing and turning so much, we thought you were going to twitch yourself right out of your bunk."

"Did you ever think of gently nudging a person? That stunt you just pulled almost gave me heart attack!" Roy screamed glaring at Chet.

Chet just stood there unprepared for the sudden outburst from the usually quiet paramedic.

"I told you it was a stupid idea, Chet," Johnny mumbled from his bunk.

Roy stepped into his turnout pants and stormed out of the dorm.

Chet turned to John. "Man, I had no idea Roy was so easily spooked. I should go talk to him."

Johnny sighed and swung his legs over the side of his bunk. "No, Chet, better let me. No telling what he might do to you!"

Chet smiled. "Awe, Johnny, you're just so sweet to me!"

"Whatever," Johnny said as he stepped into his turnout gear and headed out after Roy.

*************

Johnny found Roy in the kitchen. Roy was looking into the refrigerator as if he was staring into a void.

"You going to get something or are you going to air condition the kitchen?" Johnny asked from the doorway.

Roy finally settled on a carton of milk. He walked over to the cupboard, pulled out a glass, and then sat down at the table.

"Chet is such a jerk," Roy stated.

Johnny snickered. "I know that. You're forgetting I'm the Phantom's favorite pigeon!"

That actually brought a smile to Roy's face. "You think maybe I overreacted?"

Johnny sat down at the kitchen table next to Roy.

"That all depends. Why don't you tell me what's REALLY bothering you."

Roy shook his head. "Believe me, pal, you of all people do not want to know what I've been dreaming about these past couple of nights."

Johnny was taken aback. "C'mon, Roy. Of course I want to know. I'm your partner. Partners look out for each other and help out when they can."

Roy shook his head. "That's the problem, Johnny. I have to look out for you! What if I let you down?"

"Roy, I'm sure..." Johnny began.

Roy interrupted, "Look, John. All I'm saying is you're a lot of responsibility."

"What are you talking about?" Johnny asked.

"Before you think I'm crazy, just answer me ONE question. Who holds the department records for concussions, contusions, broken bones and amnesia?"

"Roy, that's not fair..." Johnny started as he rose from the table.

"No, Junior, I'm serious. I mean, don't take this the wrong way... I don't want you to think I coming down on you or anything. I mean.... well, all I'm getting at is, even a cat only has nine lives, you know? And there maybe be only so much I can do for you."

Johnny shook his head. "Roy, you've totally flipped out. I come out here in the middle of the night to see if there's a problem I can help you with and what do I get? A lecture on why I am such a drain on you and the department. I'm going back to bed. Good night." Just before Johnny walked out the door, he turned over his shoulder and added, "Don't worry. I'll try not to trip over anything on my way to the dorm!"

"Johnny, wait..." Roy began. But it was too late. Johnny waved him off and continued through the door.

"Well, that could have went better," Roy said to himself. He downed the last of his milk and settled into a chair in front of the TV set. "Who needs sleep, anyway?" he said to himself as he flicked on the tube.

**********

The next morning, five sleepy firemen made their way into the kitchen. They were surprised to see one of their own already there.

Roy was sleeping sitting up with his feet resting on the end of the table which held the TV. He was pushing ever so lightly on the table with his feet so that his chair was tilted backward.

"I'm surprised he hasn't fallen over yet," Hank commented.

Johnny made his way over to the TV and switched it off. Hearing, or rather not hearing the TV, all of a sudden startled Roy. The sudden movement slid the chair out from under him and Roy dropped to the floor with a resounding 'thud'. Roy looked around to get a bearing on his situation. He was dazed. But after a few moments, his head cleared and all that was left was the bruise to his ego.

A few of the men couldn't help but giggle. Johnny, who managed to keep a straight face, held out his hand to help Roy up off the floor. "Need a hand, partner?"

Roy took the proffered hand and stood up. "Thanks, Johnny." Roy looked squarely into Johnny's eyes. "Johnny?"

"Yeah, Roy?"

Roy looked down at the floor for a moment almost as if mustering the courage to say what was on his mind. "About what I said last night..." he started.

Johnny's mouth curled up into his classic grin. "Forget it, pally. I'll consider your little spill this morning karmic justice."

The exchange was cut short as the station's tones called out.

Squad 51, boating accident. Coast Guard Copter will meet you at pier 10. Time out 8:10.

Johnny quickly ran out to the mic to write down the call information. Roy however, was frozen in place in the kitchen. Captain Stanley hurried up behind him. "Anything wrong, Roy? C'mon, hustle!"

"Did he say this was a water rescue?" Roy asked.

Hank looked at him confused. "Roy, since when are you afraid of water?"

"No, Cap, not me....Johnny."

"Since when, Roy? Now get going!" Cap ordered.

Roy shook his head hoping to shake the uneasy feeling. He hurried out the door and into the squad where his partner was waiting for him.

As he slid in the door, Johnny turned to him. "Anything wrong, Roy?"

"Let's just be careful today, OK?" Roy answered as he pulled the vehicle out into traffic. Johnny shook his head at Roy's last comment. He really didn't like being admonished like that. What's he think? I get hurt on PURPOSE?, he thought to himself.

*********

Johnny and Roy pulled onto pier 10. As expected, the Coast Guard was waiting. Johnny and Roy grabbed their equipment and jumped into the copter. They nodded their hello's to the familiar pilots as they placed their equipment inside and strapped themselves in their seats.

Putting on his headset, Roy spoke into the mic. "What do we have, Gary?"

Gary turned his head only slightly in Roy's direction in order to keep his focus in front of him. "Don't know much, Roy. Just got an S.O.S. on the radio that a boat collided with some rocks. Not sure how many injured. At least one unconscious we think."

"I'll guess we'll see when we get there," Johnny commented.

About ten minutes later, the copilot of the copter, Joe, noticed something below them. "Gary. There they are," he pointed ahead and to his right. There appeared to be a speed boat of some kind (or rather, what was left of the boat) wedged between some rocks. There was a small boy atop the rocks waving his arms and screaming wildly. There was a man hunched over the steering wheel of the boat. He had been thrown forward out of his seat and his head resting on the windshield. He was apparently unconscious.

Gary spotted the incident and directed the copter towards it.

Johnny unstrapped himself and went over to the copter's open door. He unhooked the lowering harness from its hook and slipped it under his arms. He then placed his handy talkie inside a plastic bag and attached the bag to the harness around his chest.

Roy also removed himself from his seat and squatted behind Johnny.

He peered out the door below them. The scene was not too different from what he had dreamed the night before. His stomach tightened as he recalled the outcome of his nightmare. For a brief second, his mind flashed to image of John Gage atop the rocks, unconscious and bleeding heavily from a gash on his forehead.

His eyes then focused to the present. He watched as Johnny made his preparations to lower himself down to the boat. I can't let him do this. Maybe I had that nightmare last night for a reason....

Roy put his hand on Johnny's shoulder. "Hey partner, why don't you let me take care of this one. I'll go down there, ready the unconscious man for transport first, then after I send him up, I'll bring the kid up myself."

Johnny looked unbelievingly at his partner. "Roy, are you nuts? Look at that scene down there. You can't handle this alone. That man is seriously injured and the little boy is hysterical. This is definitely a two person job. I'll send the harness back up when I reach the bottom," Johnny said as he stepped closer to the open door.

Roy stepped in front of Johnny blocking his escape. "Look, John, I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt you were involved in a serious accident due to a water rescue. It just seems so uncanny that here we are a few hours later. I just can't let you go down there."

The look on Johnny's face was shear annoyance. "Roy, you are taking this protective angel on my shoulder bit way too far. You're making us waste precious time! Now get out of my way! I'll be fine!" Johnny yelled as he swept Roy aside with his arm and swung himself out the opening. He circled his hand in a fluid motion to signal Joe to lower him down to the scene.

Joe obliged and Johnny was on his way down. Roy crawled back over towards the door and watched as Johnny was lowered. In his head he knew Johnny was right. It was only a dream after all. They had done this kind of stunt so many times in the past. He really was just being paranoid. Johnny's last words echoed in his head, I'll be fine! "I hope you're right, Junior..." he muttered to himself.

As Johnny felt his legs immerse into the water, he shrugged out of his lowering harness. While the harness ascended upwards back toward the chopper, Johnny swam over to the rocks where the boat was perched. The boy atop the rocks was still waving his arms wildly and screaming to the fireman.

"Help us! We crashed! Is uncle Morris going to be OK?" the boy cried.

Johnny climbed into the boat. The boat was almost torn in two pieces where the rocks had sliced through it. He had to move slowly for fear that too much weight on either end would sink that end. The boat was wobbly but he made his way to the unconscious man as quickly as he could. As he examined Morris, he calmly called over to the boy. He was desperately to keep his balance the whole time.

"Son, everything is going to be all right. My name is Johnny and I'm with the fire department. My partner, Roy, will be down in a few minutes and between the two of us, we're going to get you guys out of here. Can you tell me your name, what happened, and about how long ago?"

The boy calmed somewhat and gathered his thoughts. "My name's Andy. That there is my Uncle Morris. Uncle Morris just got a new boat and he promised me the first ride. We were going really fast. Then all of a sudden, Uncle Morris grabbed his chest and started to lose control of the boat. He told me to get on the radio and call for help. Uncle Morris was able to slow the boat some, but he couldn't steer too well and we crashed into these rocks. That's when he hit the window there. I guess he's been that way around twenty minutes."

Johnny listened while continuing to ease Uncle Morris off the windshield and back into his seat. He didn't need paramedic training to know the man was dead and probably had been that way since impact. There really was nothing they could do for him.

Just then, Johnny felt the boat waver beneath him. He whipped his head around and saw Roy climbing into the boat.

"Roy," he called, "easy does it, okay? This boat is seesawing on these rocks. Too much weight either direction and she goes out with the tide. Got it?"

"I hear you, partner." Roy said as he steadied himself inside. "What do you have?" He called over.

Johnny looked over to Roy with dejected eyes. He shook his head.

Roy knew what that meant. Unfortunately, so did Andy who caught Johnny's nonverbal reply.

"UNCLE MORRIS IS DEAD?! Oh No! It's all my fault. I made him take me out today. The kids at school are always calling me a jinx. It's true. Uncle Morris is dead because of me!" Andy began crying into his hands.

Both Johnny and Roy quickly made their way to the end of the boat closest to Andy. Johnny spoke first. "Andy, you have to believe that none of this is your fault. Let's get back to the pier and we'll talk about it."

But Andy was hysterical. "First dad's accident, now this. I'm a jinx. It's no use!" he shouted. Andy then started punching and hitting himself and in a split second, he lost his balance and toppled from his perch on the rocks and into the raging water. The water swept him away.

"I got him." Johnny said as he immediately started to climb out of the boat.

While this scene played out in front of Roy, his mind replayed his nightmare in his head. When he saw Johnny out of the corner of his eye start to climb out of the boat, instinct took over. This is too close to my dream ! I can't let him do this... he thought.

"JOHNNY, NO!" Roy screamed as he lunged forward. In one swoop, he grabbed the collar of Johnny's shirt and forcefully pulled him down from the ledge of the boat. As he pulled Johnny down, Roy's momentum thrust him forward onto the ledge where Johnny stood moments before. "I'll get him," he screamed as he dove from the boat and into the water.

Roy kept Andy in sight. Andy was screaming again and flailing his arms about. He was bobbing up and down drifting through the water. If he continued on his current path, he was heading for a turbulent patch of waters. Roy saw the patch and knew that if he hit the rough waters, saving him would be very difficult, if not impossible. But he was determined. So he continued to swim as fast as he could towards the boy. He was gaining on Andy but was still at least thirty feet away. The rough patch, was about ten feet beyond Andy. Just then, Roy spotted a tree branch just before the raging waters. The tree was sprouting from a narrow cliff of land. If he could just grab that branch and hold himself there until I reach him... Roy thought.

Lifting his head out of the water, Roy screamed over to the boy. "Andy! Behind you! Branch! Grab it!"

Somehow above the roar and excitement, Andy heard Roy calling to him. He couldn't understand all of what was said, but he made out the words, "Behind you" and "branch". He spun around in the water and spotted his life line.

Containing his panic, he focused on the branch. He was coming up on it rather quickly. Just then, it was above him about one foot. Andy hurled himself as far as he could out of the water and just barely latched onto the branch with his fingertips. He squeezed his fists around the branch in a death grip.

Roy was relieved when he saw Andy successfully take hold of the branch. But that did not slow him down. Within minutes, Roy too, was holding the branch in one hand and had his other arm around Andy.

"I think I'm slipping," Andy told Roy.

"It's okay, I got you," Roy assured him as he secured his grip around his charge. "Okay, Andy, this is what we're going to do. You hold on to me as tight as you can. I'm going to pull us back towards that small cliff. Once we get on that cliff, we'll be safe there until the copter can send down the safety harness and pull us back up. Do you understand what we're going to do?" Roy asked.

Andy nodded yes.

"Okay, good. Now can you wrap your legs around my waist and hold on to my neck?"

Again Andy nodded and then did what he was told.

"Good. Okay, here we go," Roy said as he slowly pulled forward up the branch. The water was swaying roughly beneath him, but Roy was managing pretty well focusing on the job at hand. Slowly, the cliff came into view and with a few strong tugs up the branch, they were directly in front of it.

Using the branch as an anchor, Roy hoisted both himself and Andy atop the cliff. It was narrow but still wide enough for Roy to squat against it. He took a minute to rest there. Andy made no move to untangle himself from Roy. He was still too scared to break free and felt safe with his rescuer.

After a few minutes, Andy spoke. "When does the helicopter come for us," he sniffed.

Roy didn't even open his eyes to answer. He was too exhausted from the amount of physical activity. "They should be here soon. They had to have seen where we went. Just be a little patient."

**********

Johnny felt himself forcibly being taken down from the ledge. It was as if he were falling backwards in slow motion. A resounding 'CRACK' was heard as he also felt his head hit the step leading to the captain's deck and then hit the floor. Dazed, he tried to roll over onto his stomach to pull himself up. The sudden pain in his head intensified. When the boat wavered, a wash of nausea swept over him. He lost his equilibrium and fell back down. The heavy shifts in weight were enough to release the boat from its safe perch atop the rocks.

The fibers holding the boat together fell apart and the boat split in two like the parting of the Red Sea. One half clung to the rocks, the other began to sink. Johnny had rolled onto the sinking side.

The waters began to rise claiming Johnny's sluggish body at an alarming rate. "Roy... help... me," he slurred. He was unable to lift himself from the rising water.

************

Joe peered from above as Johnny and Roy attended to their rescue. He watched in horror as the boy lost his balance and was swept into the tide. Scarier yet, was the act in which Roy pulled Johnny from the ledge of the boat resulting in Johnny's head impacting with the deck.

He watched as Johnny slowly rolled off the steady half of the boat and onto the flooding deck.

"Gage is in trouble!" Joe shouted at Gary as he laid his headsets on the console and unstrapped his safety belts. Gary looked at his partner. "And where do you think you're going? We're not trained for rescue and retrieval!"

"Gary, he'll drown if we do nothing. I'm going down there. I have to pull him off that boat or he's done. While I'm down there, you follow after Roy. See how he made out with the boy then come back and get us," Joe instructed.

"You got it!" Gary replied.

Joe slid to the back compartment of the helicopter. He slipped his arms into the safety harness. He gave Gary the thumbs up to lower him.

A few minutes later, Joe was submerged in the water. He ducked out of the harness and swam to where Johnny was. Not being an excellent swimmer, it took him a little longer to reach him. Johnny's body was face down floating in the water. Joe slid his arm around his waist and rolled him over. "GAGE!" he yelled.

Johnny was out cold and unable to respond.

Joe swam as fast as he could to the rocks. Finally reaching them, he hoisted himself atop and then reached back in the water to pull Johnny out.

With Johnny safely on the rocks, Joe quickly leapt over to the stable side of the boat knowing that their first duties were always to the civilians. He put two fingers against the man's neck. Feeling no pulse he pulled on the man's shoulder to get a better look at his face. It had already turned a morbid shade of blue.

That's tough... he thought. But Joe couldn't spare the time to think too much about the fatality of the original victim, he now had to see what he could do for Gage.

Maneuvering back to the rocks, Joe slipped next to Johnny and began to assess his injuries. Johnny's prone form was badly bruised and there was a gaping gash across the back of his head. The color had drained from his face. "Gage! Can you hear me?" Still no response. Taking a closer look at the injured man, Joe realized Johnny wasn't breathing.

"OH SHIT!" he cursed. "God, what did I learn in that first aid class about rescue breathing..." Joe quickly laid Johnny as flat as possible. He checked Johnny's mouth for any obstructions. He then placed one hand under Johnny's neck and tilted his head back. Pinching Johnny's nose closed, he breathed into Johnny's mouth. Then he raised his head to check if Johnny's stomach rose. It did.

Okay, I think I got this now. All I have to do is keep it together until Roy can take over, Joe thought to himself. He continued his rescue breathing for what seemed a lifetime.

**********

Gary hovered the aircraft to the last spot he had seen Roy before losing visual contact. After sweeping the chopper to the left and then to the right, he had finally spotted Roy and his victim clinging to a ledge.

Hearing the noise of the rotors, Roy flailed his arms about, stopping only after he had confirmed that Gary had spotted him.

Gary lowered the harness down to the two below. Roy snatched the harness and secured Andy within it. "Okay, Andy, now just relax and try not to move. You're safely secured in this harness and you'll be safe inside the copter in just a few minutes."

Andy nodded that he understood. Roy gave Gary a 'thumbs up' and within seconds, Andy was hovering above the water.

Roy let out a sigh. Just a little while longer and this rescue will be over and in the book. I'll have to explain to Johnny later why I stopped him from jumping in after Andy. Hopefully he won't be too mad at me. But it was for his own good... After all, we should share the risks. It's only fair...

Roy snapped out of his reverie when he noticed the bright orange harness dangling in front of him. In one quick motion, he grabbed the safety device and wiggled his way inside it. A few minutes later he was safely within the confines of the copter along with Andy.

Taking a quick look around, Roy noticed neither Johnny or Joe were in the aircraft. "Where's Gage and Joe?" he asked.

Gary tilted his head slightly in Roy's direction. "Joe's back at the rescue site with your partner."

"Are they securing the other victim?" Roy inquired.

Gary furrowed his brow. "Not exactly..."

In answer to Roy's confused silence, Gary continued. "Looks like Gage cracked his head pretty good on the boat down there. Joe went to see what he could do for him until I retrieved you. I don't know about the other guy. How was he doing when you found him?"

Roy shook his head at Gary's question though from where Gary sat, he would not be able to see it. And after a quick peek at Andy, Roy chose not to discuss the uncle. Besides, he had something new to worry about.

"What do you mean Gage hit his head? What happened?" Roy was hoping Johnny's accident had nothing to do with his little outburst though somehow he knew better.

Gary too wanted to know what had happened to Johnny. "You tell me, Roy. You were there. It was right before you jumped in after the boy. Did Johnny fall or something?" As they spoke, Gary piloted the aircraft back to the original rescue site.

At the realization of what he might have done to Johnny, Roy began to panic and he quickly spun around to peer out the window. What he saw he did not like. The uncle was where he had left him. But now aside from that accident, there was Joe next to Johnny atop the rocks. Johnny was obviously in distress. What have I done, Roy admonished himself.

**************

There was no time for thinking about the past. Roy knew he had to focus on the present. He jumped out of his seat and kneeled down next to Andy.

"Now look, son, I need to go back down there and help bring up my partner and your uncle. I need you to stay calm and not move from this seat." He looked in the boy's frightened eyes. "Can you do that for me?"

Andy shook his head in the affirmative.

"Atta boy!" said Roy as he made his way to the storage area located in the rear of the aircraft. He pulled the stokes down from its shelf and grabbed a tiny nap sack. Opening the equipment box, he quickly located the Ambu bag, curlex, and tape. Jumping to the front of the copter, he leaned his head in to Gary.

"Looks like we'd better hurry! Are we still in radio contact with Joe?"

"I think so," Gary said. "Gage's Handy Talkie should still be there."

Roy grabbed a pair of headsets from the hook in the back of the copter and placed them on his head.

"Copter 12 to HT 51... Copter 12 to HT 51, do you read me?"

Joe heard Johnny's HT squawk to life from where it sat inside the boat. Problem was he didn't want to risk the time away from Gage to retrieve it. Instead he took a moment to look skyward and give Roy a thumbs up.

"He reads you," Gary translated.

Roy nodded his head. Apparently Gary and Joe had been working side by side as long as he and Johnny. So close they could read each other's mannerisms.

Roy continued his instructions, "Okay Joe, I'm going to lower down the stokes. Can you grab it and set it aside for me?"

Joe gave another thumbs up signal and returned to his work with Johnny.

Satisfied Joe understood his intentions, Roy tied a rope to the stokes and lowered it down. Joe quickly reached for the stokes and released it from the rope. He was very swift in his motion and did not take too much time away from Gage.

Roy yanked the rope back into the copter and threw it aside. Throwing his nap sack around his shoulders, Roy reached for the safety harness and for the third time that day, made his way into it.

"Okay, Gary, lower me down. When I'm down, I'll have Joe send up the first victim," Roy hollered to the pilot.

Gary complied and Roy was on his way down to his partner.

***************

Joe was never so happy to see Roy in his whole life. He'd been rescue breathing for Johnny for about ten minutes now and was feeling exhausted and very light headed.

"Roy! .... I can't...... anymore..... getting light headed......" Joe panted between breaths.

"It's okay, Joe," Roy said taking charge of the situation. "Let me switch places with you."

Roy knelt beside Johnny. He looked Johnny over and began to take a new set of vitals. Fishing out the ambu bag from his sack, Roy immediately resumed Johnny's assisted breathing.

"Joe, while I'm taking care of Johnny, I want you to get back to the copter. I'll be needing your help getting these two on board." Roy said, nodding to their charges.

Joe nodded his head. "You got it, Roy!"

Out of the corner of his eye, Roy watched as Joe slipped into the harness and made his way back up. But his attention was more focused on Johnny. Fortunately, his pulse was strong. Roy could not help but wonder about the damage he had already caused. Johnny.... I'm so sorry!.....

Looking at the situation, Roy began to contemplate how he was going to get Johnny back to the helicopter AND continue his breathing... He sadly concluded it couldn't be done. Johnny would have to be without air for the minutes it took to get him airborne. There was no way around it.

Roy pleaded with his best friend. "C'mon, partner, I need your help! I need you to breath for me!"

As if on cue, Johnny's body suddenly broke into a coughing spasm. Roy quickly rolled him onto his side and Johnny aspirated the water that was trapped inside his lungs. Moments later, Johnny's chest had a rise and fall to it all on its own.

Atta boy, Johnny! "Johnny, can you hear me? Talk to me, Junior!" Roy said urgently.

However, aside from a few soft moans, Johnny remained silent. That's Okay, Johnny... breathing is a good start!

With Johnny breathing again, Roy reached back into his sack and grabbed the gauze pads and curlex. He addressed the open gash in the back of the younger man's head. Roy was relieved that it had already started clotting and found it easy to control the bleeding.

Johnny was still in serious condition but at least now he could be transported.

Roy got up and reached for the safety harness that Joe had sent back down. He quickly secured the first victim, Uncle Morris, into it. He knew that in his present state, Morris was in no danger of spinal or internal injuries. Once secured, Roy signaled for him to be brought up.

With Morris on his way, Roy reached for the stokes that had been lowered down earlier. He gingerly lay his partner inside it and covered him with the blanket.

"We'll be outta here soon, Johnny." Roy reassured his unhearing partner.

************

Dr. Kel Brackett, Dr. Mike Morton and nurse Dixie McCall waited patiently on the rooftop of Rampart General Hospital for the emergency helicopter to land. Roy had called in as soon as they were en route and from the preliminaries, they knew that Johnny needed immediate attention.

As soon as it landed and the doors opened up, Roy sprang out and grabbed one end of the stokes carrying Johnny. Joe had the other end and the two of them easily lifted Johnny onto the waiting gurney.

During the short flight in, Roy had established the ordered IV's and had placed an oxygen mask on Johnny.

Dr. Brackett grabbed his pen light and shined it over Johnny's eyes.

"Any change in his vitals, Roy?"

"Not since last check in, Doc. BP is 110 over 65. Pulse is 60. Respiration's 16 but labored."

Kel nodded his head and he, Morton and Roy hurried across the roof to get back inside. As they sprinted across, Brackett was barking tests and orders that needed to be run as soon as they got into a treatment room.

After that commotion subsided, Joe the pilot eased Andy out of the helicopter. He knelt in front of the boy so that he'd be eye level with the boy.

"Andy, this is nurse Dixie. She's going to have you checked out and will call your folks for you. She'll take good care of you."

Andy sadly glanced back into the copter where his dead uncle was laying.

"What about uncle Morris?" he sniffed.

"Now Andy, as I explained to you in the copter... there was nothing any of us could have done for him."

"All my fault!" Andy cried.

Dixie immediately took hold of the situation. She knelt down next to the boy and grabbed his arm from his sobbing face. "Now Andy... I'm sure that isn't true. How about you and me go down to the cafeteria and get something to eat."

Dixie guided the boy away from the helicopter. Then over her shoulder she spoke to Joe. "I'll have an orderly from the morgue come up for the uncle. It'll just be a few minutes."

"Not a problem, Dix. We have to wait for Roy anyway to bring him back to the squad. Thanks for taking care of Andy."

Dixie smiled in response and took her leave of the pilot with Andy in tow.

**************

Roy DeSoto followed the medical team through the hallway and into the exam room. But only to be stopped on the other side of the door by Carol, the on duty nurse.

"Not this time, Roy," she said, as she gently nudged him back outside. "Let the doctors do their job."

Roy dejectedly let Carol point him in the way of the waiting room.

Remembering he was on duty, Roy picked up the receiver of the phone on Dixie's counter and dialed the station.

*************

"L.A. County Fire Station 51. Captain Stanley speaking."

"Hey Cap, it's Roy."

"Roy, I've been waiting to hear from you. I've been catching drips and drabbles over the mic all day. What's your status?" Hank asked.

Roy took a deep breath. How are you going to explain to Cap what you did to Johnny?

"Well Cap, it's like this.... We responded to a boating accident. There was only one survivor, a small boy. He fell into the water and I jumped in after him."

Roy hesitated. He knew he was leaving out an important sequence in the story but just couldn't admit to it just yet. "Anyway, by the time I had gotten back to the accident with the boy, Johnny had slipped in the boat and was hurt pretty bad," he finished.

Hank took in a deep breath. "Jeez... that boy is a magnet for disaster..." Hank stated miserably. "How's he doing, Roy?"

"Brackett's in with him now. He had a huge gash in his head and wasn't breathing when we got to him. But his condition has improved a little. He's back to breathing on his own. Unfortunately he has yet to regain consciousness."

Hank shook his head as he digested the information. "All right, Roy, why don't you head back here and I'll make some phone calls and see if I can have a replacement for Johnny by the time you get back."

The Captain's suggestion of returning to work somehow seemed alien to Roy. How can I go back to work knowing I put Johnny here and not knowing if he's even going to survive?

"Cap... But Johnny.... shouldn't I wait here until we know something?" Roy implored.

"Roy, I know how you feel but I can't put the squad out of service every time one of you lands in the hospital. There just aren't enough units available as it is." Hank sounded sympathetic.

Get it together, DeSoto. You know the rules. Roy reprimanded himself.

Hank continued over the phone. "Look, Roy, I know you're concerned for Johnny. Believe me, we all are. But there's really nothing you can do there...."

Hank's words were drowned out as more thoughts crept into Roy's head. Concerned? I'm not concerned... I'm RESPONSIBLE! I NEED to know Johnny's going to be okay! How can I explain this to you??

"...Just leave word with Dixie to call the station when there's news to report," Hank finished.

When no response followed, Hank cleared his throat to make sure Roy was still on the other end.

"Roy?"

Snapping out of his funk, Roy responded to his captain's bidding.

He knew the Cap was right. If he wasn't directly responsible for Johnny's trip to Rampart, he'd have a much easier time accepting it. "You're right, Cap. I'll be back as soon as I can," Roy conceded.

************

Roy gave Gary and Joe a slight wave as he headed back to Squad 51. The flight back was awkward to say the least. Joe was asking questions about Johnny's condition and how he fell in the first place. Roy just couldn't talk about it and gave him one word answers and empty conclusions.

Now alone in the squad, Roy had to be honest to himself about his actions. You've really done it now, DeSoto. You couldn't just trust Johnny. You had to go jump in- literally! Now he's probably in a coma.... God only knows if he'll be all right. How long was he not breathing before Joe reached him? If he does survive, will there be permanent damage? It was just too overwhelming.

***********

Roy picked up another dirty glass out of the sink and washed it. On any other given day, this task was simple. But right now, it was damn near impossible as his thoughts were only of Johnny.

He had just got off the phone with Dixie and there was yet any definitive news on his friend. Bracket and Morton did all they could in terms of clearing out Johnny's lungs to prevent further water damage. But it was feared that Johnny was already suffering with a case of pneumonia. The gash on Johnny's head had been stitched up but the x-rays had revealed a severe concussion.

The problem was it had been over four hours and Johnny had yet to regain consciousness. And until he woke up, the damage to his brain could not be determined. Concussions are always tricky things. Sometimes one could wake up no worse for the wear. Sometimes one will wake up with permanent damage. Roy tried not to think of the worst possibility... the one where comatose patients never woke up at all.

If anything happens to him... how will I live with myself?

Fred Dwyer strolled into the kitchen. He had just finished cleaning the latrine which was assigned to Johnny for the shift.

"I tell ya, Roy," Dwyer said as he slumped down int

one of the kitchen chairs, "sometimes it just doesn't pay for me to fill in for you guys. It seems whoever I replace is assigned latrine duty for the shift!" he complained. "So what happened THIS time, did your clumsy partner slip on a banana peel?"

Roy's head shot up at Dwyer's ill placed remark.

"Listen, Fred. If you don't want to clean latrines- say 'NO' to the overtime!" Roy snapped as he whipped the soap suds from his wet hands and started towards Dwyer. "As for Johnny..." Roy fumed, "another firefighter's misfortune should NEVER be taken lightly! Every day we're out there risking our lives... throwing ourselves in situations no one else in their right minds would volunteer for! It's not Johnny's fault that he... that I... that I pulled...." Roy stopped short at what was about to confess. He suddenly could not face Dwyer. After what he did, who was he to judge?

Dwyer quickly used the break to try and calm Roy. He flew out of his chair and tried to lead Roy to sit in it. "Here, Roy, please sit down. I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to insult Johnny... I guess I was just trying to be funny... you know, humor in the face of fear?" He stumbled on the words trying to get Roy to forgive him.

But Roy wouldn't let Dwyer sit him down. His emotions were getting the best of him. "It wasn't funny, Fred. Johnny might die... how could I? It's all my...." Roy looked dazed as his confession nearly overtook him.

"Are you all right, DeSoto? Maybe I should take you down to Rampart. You don't look so good," Dwyer stated.

Roy suddenly realized he was on the verge of losing control and mentally snapped himself back to reality. You need to get this off your chest before you have a breakdown.

Roy nodded his head. "I'll be all right, Fred. Um... sorry about before."

Dwyer smiled, relieved that Roy wasn't still mad at him for the crack against Johnny. "I'm sorry too, Roy. Your partner's in the hospital. I can understand you being edgy. And my joke was out of line."

Roy gave Fred a quick pat on the shoulder and walked out of the kitchen. Heading to Cap's office, he knocked lightly on the door. Captain Stanley looked up from his log book.

"Can I talk to you a minute, Cap?"

"Of course, pal. Have a seat." Hank motioned to the chair in front of him and set aside his log book.

Roy walked in shutting the door behind him and took a seat.

"What's on your mind, Roy?"

Roy sighed heavily. "It's about the rescue this morning."

Hank folded his hands across his desk waiting for his senior paramedic to continue.

"It's my fault," Roy finally managed to spit out.

Hank looked confused. "What is?"

"Johnny's accident," Roy stated as he gazed at his shoes.

I should have been expecting this. Roy always blames himself whenever Johnny gets hurt. Where does one man store so much guilt? Hank mused to himself.

"Now look, Roy, we've been through this before on several other occasions. I'm sure that..." Hank began but was cut short when Roy suddenly rose from his chair and slapped his palm against the desk.

"No, Cap. Listen to me. I did this to him. I pulled him off the ledge of the boat. Because of me, he fell backwards and cracked his head on the deck," Roy said firmly.

Hank was taken aback by the sudden outburst from Roy. "Settle down, DeSoto. Please sit back down."

Did I just snap at the Cap? Shit. I think I'm in trouble now... Roy thought. "I'm sorry, Cap. I don't know what came over me," Roy apologized

Hank could see that Roy was upset and decided to let it slide. Calmly, he said, "What made you pull Johnny down in the boat?"

"I'll have to start at the beginning..." Roy said.

"So start," Hank replied.

*************

Hank listened as Roy explained his nightmares, his feeling of responsibility towards Johnny and finally Roy's account of what happened earlier that day.

After a few moments of thought he spoke. "Listen, Roy... Obviously, you didn't intentionally hurt Johnny. I know you were just trying to look out for him. You really can't beat yourself up about this," Hank said.

"But Cap, what if Johnny doesn't survive? It'll all be my fault!"

Hank put his hand on top of Roy's hand that was resting on the desk. "Johnny has nine lives, Roy. He'll be fine," he assured him.

Roy shook his head. "He might have been without air for quite some time, Cap. Plus he's been unconscious for hours. Maybe this is it..."

"Come now, Roy. Don't be like that. Let's think positive," Hank insisted.

"What if Johnny does wake up and blames me for everything. He'd have ever right to have me written up or suspended!" Roy said switching gears.

Hank sat thoughtfully for a moment. "You're right, Roy. Johnny could bring this incident up for review. It's his prerogative. But Johnny knows you. He knows you'd throw your neck on the line to save his... and actually, that IS what you were trying to do this morning. So let's stop thinking about all this. Let's just take one step at a time."

Roy nodded his head. He did feel a little better getting the whole sordid event off his chest. But he knew the situation was far from being resolved. For resolution, Johnny would have to forgive him.

***************

"C'mon, sleepyhead. Wake up..." Dixie McCall hovered over her favorite paramedic as he lay motionless in the hospital bed. She brushed away a stray lock of dark hair that had fallen across his eyes.

To her surprise, Johnny stirred at her touch.

"Johnny? Can you hear me?" she asked with excitement. She leaned close and spoke directly into his ear to be sure he'd hear her.

"mmm... wha?" Johnny moaned as his hand reflectively wanted to rub his aching head. Dixie immediately caught his hand and brought it back down to his side.

"Now, Gage, we don't want you upsetting any IV's now. Just lay still. Do you know where you are?" she questioned.

Johnny wearily cracked his eyes open. "...Dixie?"

"Yes, Johnny, it's me. Can you tell me what happened? What's the last thing you remember?"

Johnny closed his eyes and tried to sort through the memories in his throbbing head.

"Water rescue... Little boy fell into the water. I think I went in after him.. but I don't remember...."

Suddenly Johnny became agitated. "Is the boy here? How's he doing?" Johnny said - now more alert as the scenes were coming back to him. But he was rewarded with a wave of nausea and was forced to settle back down into the pillow.

"Easy, Johnny. Andy is just fine. His mother picked him up about two hours ago," Dixie soothed.

Johnny visibly relaxed. "Dix, my head.... hurts. And my chest is kinda sore inside..."

"I'm going to send in a doctor right away to check you out. I'll be sure to mention that to him so he can prescribe something for you. In the mean time, I'll put some oxygen on you. It should help your breathing."

Johnny patted Dixie's hand which was lying next to his and nodded his head thanks.

Dixie smiled. She was happy Johnny had come out of it. As usual, it appeared as though he was going to cheat permanent damage to himself yet again. "You just rest for now."

Johnny smiled and was about to give in to the exhaustion he felt. Suddenly, he remembered his partner. Where was Roy? Why wasn't he here? Had something happened to him?

"Dix..." Johnny croaked, an edge of apprehension in his voice. "Roy?"

Dixie wondered when Johnny would get around to Roy. "He's fine, Johnny. Had to go back to the station. But never think for one second he's forgotten about you. He's called every hour. He's been very concerned! He'll be so relieved when I give him the news."

Johnny's tired body relaxed. "Yeah... you know Roy... always looking out.... for me..." And as the words left his lips, memories of the accident came flooding back. And as the realization hit home, I don't... believe this...

Dixie was confused at Johnny's sudden facial expressions. "What's wrong, John?"

Johnny weakly shook his head and with a very slight wave of his hand dismissed Dixie's question. "Later... Dixie... too tired..." And in no time, Johnny was back asleep.

Wonder what that was all about? Dixie pondered. Oh well... Better get Brackett up here and then I have a phone call to make.

************

The next morning found Roy DeSoto barreling through the doors of Rampart. His first stop was Emergency. He was hoping to bump into either Dixie or Brackett. Someone who could give him an update on his partner. If Johnny had suffered any kind of brain damage, Roy needed to prepare himself before seeing him.

Luckily, Dixie was just rounding the corner. Her overnight shift had ended 15 minutes ago and she was on her way out the door. Their paths were in direct line of one another

"Dix! I'm sorry!" Roy apologized as he was not able to stop in time and the two collided. "I guess I'm kinda in a hurry."

Straightening out her uniform, Dixie shrugged. "No harm, Roy. Where's the fire?"

"I have to see Johnny. How's he doing?" Roy asked nervously.

"I was just in his room. Wanted to check on him before I left. He's more alert today than yesterday. I made him promise me he'd take it easy for a while though," Dixie told him.

Roy was still uneasy. "Have the doctors made any conclusions yet... you know, about brain damage?"

"Well, he has a nasty concussion. He'll have a whopper of a headache for a little while but he will recover. When he woke up, he was pretty alert, considering, which was a nice surprise. His memories were a little foggy but that's to be expected under the circumstances. So we're pretty sure his brain suffered no massive trauma," Dixie assured him.

"Originally we were afraid of a bout with pneumonia. But fortunately, his case turned out to be minor and we should be able to fight that off rather quickly with antibiotics." After relaying all the information, Dixie smiled. "Looks like that partner of yours just used up another one of his lives."

Roy was visibly relieved at the prognosis for Johnny. "As long as he's going to be all right. That's all that matters. Can I see him now?"

Dixie looked at her watch. "Visiting hours don't start for another hour. Maybe if you flash the on duty nurse those blue eyes of yours, she might be persuaded to let you sneak in," Dixie teased. She had already left word with Margeret upstairs to allow Roy visitation. She had a feeling he'd stop by straight from work.

"Thanks, Dix. I'll catch you later," Roy said already heading for the elevator.

************

Roy knocked lightly on the door. "Johnny?" he said, poking his head through the door. Seeing Johnny awake, he walked up to the bed. "How are you doing, partner?"

Johnny processed the question for a moment. "A little sore in the head and chest.... voice doesn't quite seem right. But that's okay because I'm not sure I'm still speaking to you anyway."

Roy was downtrodden. "You remember..." he started.

Annoyance flashed across Johnny's face. "You bet I do. Look at me, Roy- All thanks to YOU!" The sudden excitement caused a slight coughing fit to escape from his lungs so Johnny forced himself back to the calmness he was when Roy first entered.

Roy grabbed a chair from the other side of the room and slid it over to Johnny's bed. "John, please believe me... I was just looking out for you. I had no idea that..."

But Johnny cut him off. "That's just it, Roy. Nobody asked you to. As a matter of fact, I asked you to STOP being so protective. Just look where your paranoia landed me!"

"Listen, Johnny... Just because you've never asked me to watch your back, doesn't mean I don't automatically do it. That's what partners DO. They look out for one another. Are you going to lie there and tell me you wouldn't push me out of the way of a collapsing ceiling just to have it fall on yourself?"

Johnny flashed his trademark grin at that one. "I don't know if I'd go THAT far..." he said crookedly.

Then Johnny's expression sobered, "Seriously, Roy, that isn't the same thing. Of course I watch your back... Hell, I'd even look out for Chet in a hairy situation. But I wouldn't physically STOP either of you from doing your job because I felt it was too dangerous. The fact is we have a dangerous job. We take enough risks without getting tangled up in each other's feet. Dig?"

Roy considered Johnny's words. "Johnny, I understand, I do. I don't know if I can explain what came over me that day. And I'm REALLY sorry about what I said back at the station regarding all your accidents and how you are a lot of responsibility."

Roy got up from his chair and began to pace a little as what he wanted to say next, really needed to be understood.

"Johnny, call it a premonition or a sixth sense or just plain paranoia.... But I had the worst feeling that day that something terrible was going to happen to you. Really terrible. It was playing out in my head long before you even stepped foot off the chopper. And as I saw piece by piece coming true, I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't run the risk of something happening to you knowing in my heart I could have prevented it!"

"Did I over react? Maybe, I guess we'll never know. But WHAT IF what I did saved you from serious harm or worse yet, death? I'm sorry if you're mad at me for stopping you from jumping in the water." Roy drew a breath. "And I'm REALLY sorry I landed you in the hospital. But I'm not sorry for what I did. Had I done nothing and my wacky premonition came true..." Roy stepped closer to Johnny's bed as his voice began to quiver slightly. "I would NEVER have been able to live with myself thereafter. All I can do is ask for your understanding and hope that you can forgive me for being over zealous in my 'rescue' attempt." Roy's blue eye's were pleading.

Johnny motioned for Roy to sit down. "I hear ya' Roy. And I do understand. Believe me... I've done nothing but think about it since last night. And I know deep down in your heart, you did what you thought was best for me. I know you care for me like your own flesh and blood. And that's why I'm not even bringing this little event up to Captain Stanley...."

"Actually, he already knows," Roy interrupted.

Johnny couldn't help but smile. "If there is one axiom in this world, Roy, it's your guilt."

Roy smiled sheepishly knowing full well his self torture was widely agreed upon throughout the department.

"But aside from all that," Johnny continued, "I know this was all one big freak accident. Hell, maybe you DID save me from something worse. We'll never really know the answer to that." Johnn shrugged his shoulders.

"So, where do we go from here?" Roy asked.

Johnny looked pensive a moment. "Well, maybe you could do me the favor of cutting my grass for me? See, I'd do it myself of course but looks like I'm going to be laid up here at least a couple days recovering from all my injuries. Hey, and maybe you could use the lawn mower I lent you last week. " Johnny smiled wickedly.

"Don't push it, Junior." Roy warned.

They both let out a chuckle.

"Seriously, Roy," Johnny started, "maybe we can just agree from here out, when something's bothering you, especially when it involves me, you come to talk to me first about it. No more gallant heroics."

Roy considered the proposal. "Only if you agree to keep an open mind and not tell me I'm imagining things and being overprotective."

Johnny nodded and extended his hand to Roy. "Chalk it up to another stepping stone in our relationship?"

Roy gripped Johnny's hand in a firm handshake. "Deal!"

With that Roy backed away from Johnny's bed. "Well, partner, now that we're Okay, I should let you get some rest. I'll stop by tomorrow."

"Catch you later, Pally." Johnny gave a half wave to his friend.

Roy turned on his heel and headed for the door. He had some lawn mowing to do...

THE END!

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