Marco knew the minute he woke up that it was going to be one of those days.
He supposed he should have given up when he slipped on the rug getting out
of bed, knocking over the lamp and setting fire to the cat. But no, he was
determined that he would live, yet another day, to its fullest. He was going
to make the most of his days off. But first he had to take the cat to the
vet. He’d think of a good story on the way. He couldn’t very well
tell the truth without coming off looking like a total nutcase.
“Excuse me, doctor. My cat was set on fire by a lamp which fell off
my bedside table after I collided with it. Do you think you could
help?”
“Sure Sir, here’s the address of a very good friend of mine who
happens to be a psychiatrist. Please shut the door on your way out.”
So, he decided he’d tell the vet that his cat was blind and partially
deaf, which is why she didn’t see the fire and didn’t hear him
calling her, and consequently, her tail caught alight. Well now that was
settled he could set his mind to some serious thinking; like what on earth
was he going to do with his day off? First stop would be the museum. Well,
why not? It couldn’t be that bad. Other people went there. It had to
have a certain amount of interest, didn’t it?
The day had begun in disaster and was quickly gaining momentum. On the way
to the museum, Marco swerved to miss a dog and ran into the Salvation Army
Band. The outcome was three fractured legs, two broken arms, a bent tuba
and a crushed tambourine. After spending an hour explaining himself to the
cops and putting up with sly remarks and general goodnatured harrassment
from the two stations that attended the scene and recognised him as a firefighter
from 51, he made a quick, but safe, getaway.
By the time he got to the museum, he had regained his composure even though
he felt he had made enemies of half the town and crippled the other half
while ruining his reputation with his fellow firefighters. No doubt he’d
be the topic of conversation around every station dinner table in the department
by the end of the day.
It took fifteen minutes for him to find a parking space and another fifteen
minutes to free himself from his seatbelt. He walked through the automatic
doors, caught the toe of his shoe on a loose tile and fell flat on his face.
He was thinking it would be safer to keep to the ground as he wouldn’t
have far to fall. But he decided against it as crawling to the turnstiles
would only attract attention. He got there in one piece, although slightly
battered and bruised. Marco had the feeling the turnstile didn’t like
him and wasn’t surprised when it jammed. He was trapped! He attempted
to climb over but found it difficult as he was wearing rather close-fitting
jeans. On the third attempt, the button on his jeans gave way and his leg
shot into the air, causing his sneaker to take flight, only stopping when
it came in contact with a hard object. Namely the skull of a big mean-looking
security guard who had come over to see what all the ruckus was about.
What felt like several hours later, after he had retrieved his shoe and
apologised profusely to the irrate guard and went in search of a kind soul
with a safety pin, he stood before the king of dinosaurs, Tyranosaurus Rex.
Marco didn’t want to get too close through fear he’d dislocate
one of his more important parts, the dinosaur’s not Marco’s. He
had a vision of millions of dollars worth of prehistoric bone tumbling down
around his ears while several onlookers fled to safety. He quickly turned
and headed towards the door and could have sworn he heard Rex breathe a sigh
of relief. Marco emerged to find the sun shining, the birds singing and the
parking attendant booking. His meter had expired. Marco looked to the heavens,
expecting a bolt of lightning from above to come hurtling down, striking
him dead on the spot. His day was not improving one bit.
Marco gave the parking attendant a small contrite smile and got his ticket
in return and a ‘have a nice day, Sir’ from the attendant. He hopped
into his car and headed for the nearest gas station. He discovered he had
lost the key and had to lever the cap off the gas tank but found it when
he went to retrieve his wallet, after he dropped the said wallet on the floor
of the car and saw the key lying under the passenger seat. As he was filling
the tank, he was distracted by a very peculiar looking car and ended up pouring
a couple of dollars worth of gas over his sneakers. After letting loose with
a few choice words in Spanish as he washed his now flammable shoes clean,
he drove away wishing he had stayed in bed. By the time he got home he was
certain he’d been declared Public Enemy Number One and wouldn’t
have been as all surprised if the police paid him a visit. But the night
passed uneventfully.
Next morning, Marco woke to the alarm, the door bell and the telephone all
at once. He made a quick dash for the phone, told the caller to hold on,
shoved the clock under his pillow and ran to the door. He opened it to let
in his friend, Steven, and his dog, and dashed back to the phone.
“Sorry about that.”
“That’s O.K. I just rang to see if our date was still on?”
“Oh sure!”
“Great. You can pick me up around seven.”
“That’ll be fine. Oh, by the way, what’s your name
again?”
“Stop kidding, Marco. It’s too early in the morning. See you
tonight!”
The phone went dead. Steven handed Marco a cup of coffee and said, “From
the look on your face, that was an interesting call. Who was it?”
“Tell me and we’ll both know!” Marco replied, totally lost.
Steven snorted and laughed.
“Drink your coffee. It’ll come to you. You’re never at your
best at seven in the morning.”
“Lately, I don’t think I’m at my best at any time of the day.
What are you doing here so early anyway?”
“We’re going jogging, remember?” Marco took a sip of his coffee
then blurted out, “I know who that was!”
“Who...who?”
“Oh hell, I forgot about her!”
“Stop being religious and tell me who the mystery gal is!”
“Chet’s cousin, Dolores. What on earth was I thinking when I said
yes? Oh, I remember. She was guarding the cooler at the picnic and I was
dying of thirst. Said she wouldn’t give me a beer if I didn’t ask
her out. We’re supposed to double date tonight with Chet and his new
gal pal.”
“Oh boy, Marco. It’s bad enough working with Chet let alone double
dating with him and his family,” Steven said, giving Marco a sympathetic
pat on the back. Marco shrugged.
“Chet’s okay but I must have been suffering heat stroke when I
said yes to Dolores. She is a sweet kid but not my type. Oh well....”
Marco managed to get through his date with Dolores in one piece. She spent
more time playing footsie and winking salaciously at him than she did eating
her meal. So much for being a sweet kid. He was relieved to get home only
to find a message from Steven pinned to his door saying he had to go visit
his grandma who was ill on saturday and could Marco please mind Alexander
the Third for him until he got back? That didn’t present a problem for
Marco except that Alexander didn’t like him. It hadn’t always been
that way. He and Alexander used to be inseperable, but ever since Marco had
dropped the vaccum cleaner on his tail, their relationship had never really
been the same.
Saturday came all too quickly after another crazy shift, and by three p.m.
Steve had come and gone, leaving Marco stranded with a Great Dane. Alex
wasn’t too thrilled and let Marco know by baring his fangs at him
menacingly. The only thing standing between Marco and the jaws of death was
the sofa. Marco loved his old sofa with its lumpy cushions and loose springs.
He only hoped it could stand the strain in its old age if the dog decided
to go for Marco suddenly via the sofa. Alexander was looking at him through
hungry eyes, as a growl slowly became audible. The growl got louder until
the room was filled with his barking and Marco’s panicked yelling. Above
the uproar, the doorbell was ringing furiously. Marco hurdled the coffee
table and almost tore the door off its hinges.
In the doorway stood Dolores. Marco stopped in mid-yell and stood staring.
Dolores stood there dressed in the tiniest dress he had ever seen on a woman.
She gave him a smile and casually strolled in and sat on the sofa, patting
Alexander. Marco was stunned into silence for a second then spoke.
“H-hello there,” he stammered.
“Hi yourself, sweetie. Thought I’d drop by to see if you wanted
to spend the day together. Got any coffee?”
Marco smiled at her and swallowed then turned into the kitchen and put the
coffee on. He stood in front of the pot and wondered how he was going to
get out of this one, when he felt an arm go around his waist and a pair of
lips softly kiss his neck. He jumped and gasped.
“What’s up, honey?” Dolores whispered.
“You scared me, that’s what’s up,” Marco replied shakily.
Dolores’ arm tightened around his waist.
“But you’re not scared now, are you?”
“Uh, Dolores....umm...I don’t think this is a good idea....”
Marco began.
“Of course it is! What more do you need?” The coffee was ready
and Marco replied,
“A cup of coffee!” Marco wriggled free and dashed for the door,
but Dolores grabbed him by the hand.
“I thought you were going to make some coffee?”
“I just remembered, I’m out of milk!”
“I take mine black.”
“We need sugar!”
“You’re sweet enough.” By this time, Marco was beginning to
panic.
“Come on, honey! You don’t really want to pass up this chance do
you? Here you are with an intelligent, good humoured, witty, sexy lady who
has the body of a greek goddess!” Dolores said, giving him a saucy
wink.
“I-I’m not that fond of greek food,” Marco stuttered. Dolores
let go of his hand and moved closer.
“I’m not edible, I’m lovable!” She smiled and moved closer
still. She was so close that Marco felt her breath and her low-cut bodice
looked as though it would burst at any second with the strain of her generous
chest.
“Gee, Dolores, you are real modest.” Dolores laughed and bent her
head to kiss him. Marco moved towards her then grabbed her by the arms, and
gently but firmly, pushed her back. She was taken off guard and lost her
balance. Marco saw his chance and ran. Dolores had quick reflexes, but not
quick enough. She lunged and missed, sending a vase to the floor.
“It’s okay with me if you want to play, honey!”
“Dolores, listen to me, you don’t really want to catch me. You’re
such a nice girl and all, but I’m not your type and besides, Chet would
kill me if......” She lunged again and Marco yelled as he dodged out
the way. By now, he was frantic and began to sprint around the sofa. Dolores
took a flying leap, cleared the sofa by a good three inches and landed in
front of him.
Alexander had been watching the action and decided to join in. He moved over
to Dolores and stood on his hind legs with his paws on her shoulders, and
began to lick her face. Dolores made a face and began backing up under the
dog’s weight until she was almost to the door.
“Hey! Get this mutt off of me! He’s disgusting and he’s mussing
up my hair!” Marco advanced on the pair and restrained Alexander, opened
his door and watched as Dolores stumbled out of the apartment.
“Well, I guess you have to go. Be seeing ya! Bye!” Marco said brightly
and closed the door, sagging against it with relief. He looked down at the
Great Dane and grinned.
“I don’t know what I would’ve done without you, Alex. Put
it there, pal!”
Alexander lifted his paw and Marco took it in his hand. Steven arrived at
about eight thirty to find Alexander and Marco thoroughly absorbed in a re-run
of “Rin Tin Tin.”
“What happened here? I expected to find you two at each others throats.
Well Alex at your throat at least, Marco!”
“Oh, we came to a mutual agreement, didn’t we, Alex?” Marco
said as he rubbed the dog behind the ears. Alex barked in reply and laid
his head in Marco’s lap.
“Oh really?” Steven asked suspiciously. “Wanna tell me about
it?” Marco nodded to the spare seat on the sofa.
“Where do you want me to begin?”