LESSONS TO LEARN

by Wanita Nicol

Johnny pulled into the parking lot behind Station 8. He walked into the vehicle bay and greeted the engineer, Bob Downing. "Hi Bob, how's things?"

"Things are good, John. Good to see you again. You replacing Miller today?" Bob replied amiably.

"Sure am. Need the extra money. I got my eye on a nice little piece of land that's up for sale. Going cheap too but I don't have enough money saved up yet."

Bob grinned at Johnny. "You aren't thinking of settling down now are ya? Sounds like something a guy who was getting hitched might do."

"Me? Getting married? No way, man. I'm having way too much fun being single."

"I bet you are too," Bob said, giving Johnny a wink. "You know I wish I had taken my time before getting married."

"Don't let Mary hear you say that, Bob." They both turned to see Billy Hanks standing there, smiling at them both. "She'd skin you alive. How are you, John?"

"Doing great, Billy. You ready for a day with the world's best paramedic?" Johnny joked. Billy's lips twitched as he tried not to laugh.

"Sure. But it looks like I'll be partnering you instead."

Johnny groaned and rolled his eyes. He liked Hanks. He was a good man and a very conscientious paramedic.

He remembered when he and Roy had trained Hanks. He was a nervouse wreck and Johnny had real concerns that he might have been drummed out of the paramedic program. But Hanks had proved him wrong and settled down nicely.

After stowing his gear in a locker, Johnny went to say hello to Captain Brennan and then strolled into the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. He greeted the two firefighters who were sitting at the table. As he went to sit down he patted Charlie Goodwin on the head. "Looks like you're losing the battle there Chuck, old pal." He was referring to Charlie's bald patch. Charlie gave him a droll look and sighed.

"I'm just about ready to give up, Gage. Do ya think girls go for bald firemen?"

"Keep your helmet on, Chuck and it won't make any difference" David Moore said. He turned to Johnny. "You're lucky you don't have to work with this nut. He's driving me crazy with his hair stories. You know what he was gonna do?"

Before Johnny could reply the tones went off. They all jumped to their feet and made their way to the vehicle bay.

"Squad 8, man down, 1290 Bells Drive, cross street, Park Way, time out: 8.45."

Johnny and Billy jumped into the squad as Captain Brennan acknowledged the call. They took off, making their way through the morning traffic.

********************

Ten minutes later they pulled up outside a small bungalow in a quiet tree lined street. Johnny grabbed the bio-phone and drug box as Billy went up to the front door. He knocked on it loudly and waited for an answer. Johnny joined him as he knocked again.

"No answer," Billy said. "I'll check around the back. You want to try the windows?"

"Okay, give me a yell if you find anything," Johnny replied, setting down the equipment. Billy stepped off the porch and made his way around the side of the house. Johnny walked along the length of the porch and tested each window. He cupped his hands and looked inside each one. He couldn't make out anybody inside and was beginning to wonder if it was a waste of time when he heard running feet.

"Gage! Move it! He's got a gun!"

Billy came bolting around the corner. Just as Johnny stepped off the porch to see what the ruckus was, he heard a deafening bang and Billy's head exploded in a shower of blood and gore. He took a few faltering steps and pitched forward into Johnny's arms. Johnny's eyes widened with shock as Billy's body knocked him off his feet.

He landed hard on his butt, frantically trying to dislodge his partner's body from his own. He felt his stomach lurch as his uniform became drenched in blood and matter from Billy's ruined head. He let out a low moan as he looked up at the man standing a few feet away from where he sat. The guy was pointing a shotgun at him with an expressionless look on his face.

"My God!" Johnny finally gasped. "Why? Why did you shoot him?"

"He killed my only son. I called for help and he ended up killing him. You are all the same. So you deserve what he got." He gestured at the corpse with his gun.

"B-but...." Johnny stammered. The man raised his shotgun again and aimed it straight at Johnny's chest.

There wasn't time for any sort of evasive action. Without a word the man pulled the trigger.

********************

Johnny came to with someone shaking his shoulder gently. He groaned and opened his eyes slowly.

"Hey! He's alive!"

Johnny squinted up at the young man's face peering into his own. He felt numb all over and was confused, finding it difficult to draw a decent breath. How did he end up on his back?

"Don't move Mister, Okay? Help's on the way," the young man said, glancing up as heard sirens in the distance.

Johnny shook his head a little and tried to sit up. Then he remembered. "Oh My God! He's got a gun! You have to get out of here!" he wheezed desperately. "Ohhh..." Johnny felt the first waves of pain hit him suddenly. His chest and gut were on fire. He slumped back and winced.

"The other two are gone," another voice said. An older man knelt down beside the wounded paramedic. He told the younger man to go and flag down the vehicles that were turning into the street. He gazed down at Johnny. "Take it easy. It won't be long now."

Johnny closed his eyes, fighting off the pain and the rising nausea.

The wail of sirens heralded the arrival of Station 51 and Engine 8. Right behind them were two police cruisers.

Roy brought the squad to an abrupt halt and bolted from the truck, leaving Dwyer to pull the gear. He ran over to where Johnny lay and stopped, taking in the scene. He felt the blood drain from his face as his eyes rested on Billy Hanks and the man lying a few feet away. He knelt down beside his friend and grabbed his hand. "Johnny? It's Roy. Hang in there. We'll have you at the hospital in no time."

Captain Stanley ordered Marco and Chet to help Dwyer with the equipment. He made his way over to Roy and Johnny. He felt sick to his stomach. When the call came through he knew it was not good news. They had broken all records getting to the scene and the sight before him made him want to almost gag. Tearing his eyes away from the bodies, he stood there and watched as Roy and Dwyer set their gear up and got Gage's vitals.

Dwyer grabbed the bio-phone and radioed the hospital. "Rampart, this is Squad 51. How do you read?"

"Squad 51, this is Rampart, go ahead," Joe Early's voice responded.

"Rampart, we have three victims at this location. Two paramedics and one civilian. Two are fatalities. The third is a male, 25, suffering two gunshot wounds. One to the upper right quadrant of the abdomen, the second to the right of side of the chest. There is profuse bleeding, a considerable amount of blood has been lost. The vitals are as follows: bp 90 over 60 and dropping, pulse rapid and weak, respiration's 30 and laboured. Possible collapsed right lung."

"Squad 51, start an IV, Ringers Lactate TKO, get him on 6 litres of oxygen and get a pressure bandage on that chest wound. Any head injuries?"

Roy had checked out Johnny's pupils and felt for any head trauma. Johnny was drenched in blood. It was hard to work out what was his and what was Hanks. He shook his head at Dwyer as he grabbed the IV and got Chet to administer the oxygen.

"That's negative, Rampart. He is in considerable pain and semi-conscious. Do you want us to administer a painkiller?"

Early gave them the go ahead to give the victim morphine for the pain. As he was noting down the information, he was wondering who they were treating and who were the two fatalities. He was reluctant to ask, he hated these types of calls when one of their own was hurt or dead.

Captain Brennan stood there in total shock. Hank was too busy watching the paramedics work on Gage to notice him standing there. He glanced up and walked over to him.

"Joel? You okay? Why don't you go sit in the engine while they finish up here?"

Brennan shook his head. He watched as the cops swarmed around the body of his paramedic and the other man. He could not believe what he was seeing. His face was an alarming shade of grey and Hank was concerned that he was going to keel over. He grabbed Brennan by the arm and almost dragged him away. He passed his own men who were watching Roy and Dwyer working on Johnny. They weren't faring any better than the rest of them.

He sat Brennan down on the running board of 51's engine and crouched down to eye level with him. The other Captain was shaking and clenching his hands.

"How, Hank? What the hell happened?," he whispered. It was too much for his mind to process all at once.

Hank swallowed hard and shook his head.

"I don't know, Joel. I honestly don't know," he replied miserably. He looked up and saw a policeman approaching them. He straightened up and turned to face him.

"Captain Stanley? I'm Officer Mitchell. We got a real mess here. It looks like the civilian shot your guys when they arrived. According to a neighbour who witnessed it all, the guy was yelling something about his son and how they had killed him. The neighbour had jumped on the phone as soon as he heard the first shot. Apparently the dead paramedic had responded to a call a few months ago and the kid died enroute to the hospital from a drug overdose. Looks like a revenge killing here. Murder-suicide for sure. The dead paramedic....."

Captain Brennan cut the officer off. "His name is Billy. Billy Hanks. Not the dead paramedic!" he snarled with rage. Hank placed a hand on Joel's shoulder and motioned to Bob Downing with the other.

"Keep an eye on him, will you, Bob? I'll be right back."

He walked over with the officer to Roy as they were loading Johnny into the ambulance. Thankfully the police had covered the bodies with sheets, the blood pooling around the edges and staining them dark red.

Hank grabbed Roy's arm and asked how Johnny was doing. Roy looked like he was on the verge of tears.

"He's holding on, but I don't know for how long. I'm going to ride in with him," Roy replied in a choked voice.

"Meet you at the hospital. Take it easy, Roy. Johnny's tough. He'll pull through," Hank said, not convinced by his own words. He was steeling himself for the worst.

********************

Roy watched his best friend closely, monitoring his vitals and giving Rampart regular updates. He adjusted the oxygen mask and checked the IV line for the hundredth time. They were only five minutes away from the hospital but it felt like an eternity for Roy. Early had ordered an EKG reading and Roy patched Johnny in, watching his friend's heartbeat register with each blip. He sighed impatiently and glanced out the window.

Johnny moaned, moving his head from side to side. Roy grabbed his hand. Roy bent forward and whispered forcefully into his ear. "Johnny? Stay with me, pal. Fight it, don't let it win. You can do it."

Johnny squeezed his hand weakly, acknowledging his partner's words.

The ambulance made the last turn into the hospital drive and backed into the casualty bay. Roy could see Dixie waiting for them with a couple of orderlies. He unhooked the IV bag and placed it gently under Johnny's shoulder as the doors to the ambulance opened.

Dixie gasped as she saw who the patient was. She struggled to regain her composure as they wheeled Johnny inside and into a treatment room. Joe Early was there with a trauma team waiting. His face fell when he saw Johnny, snapping orders to the assembled team.

"Dix, get Kel in here. Carol, get an X-ray tech down here stat. Then draw blood for type and cross match. Sue, get a new set of vitals."

Roy stepped back and watched as they worked on Johnny. He felt like he was on the verge of collapse, the adrenaline rush that had kept him going up until now was fading.

Dixie saw Roy slump against the wall and touched his arm. Without a word, she steered him out of the room. "Go sit down in the waiting room, Roy. We'll let you know how he's doing soon," she said firmly.

Roy nodded and walked away reluctantly. The others were there waiting for any news.

"What's going on Roy?" Chet asked in a subdued voice.

"They're working on him right now. Getting him prepped for surgery. Other than that, nothing has changed," Roy replied as he sat down heavily. He leaned forward and put his head into his hands.

"This is so damned stupid!" Marco said, his voice shaking. "Cap...why?" He put his head down and his shoulders shook as he began to weep.

Hank rubbed his reddened eyes tiredly. He had no answer for his crew. He went to answer Marco but didn't trust his voice, he didn't want to end up crying again. He had shed enough tears on the way to the hospital. Now he was totally drained. He glanced at each man in turn. Mike was sitting up, straight as an arrow, staring into the distance, biting his lip. Chet kept blinking the tears back as he patted Marco on the shoulder awkwardly. Roy couldn't contain his own tears any longer. He let the tears fall, not caring who was watching.

********************

Johnny was sitting on the front porch of his grandfather's house. The sun was shining and a warm breeze caressed his face. He had never felt so contented in his life. He leaned back and closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath. He could smell the jasmine that was climbing the post at the far end.

"John."

Johnny opened his eyes and turned to face his grandfather standing at the porch steps. The old man looked at his grandson and smiled warmly. Johnny got up and walked over to him, opening his arms and giving his grandfather a tight hug.

"Pops, you're here! I've been waiting for so long. God, I missed you so much."

The old man hugged him and drew away. He studied his grandson for a minute before climbing the steps and sitting down on the top step. he patted the space beside him.

"Come and sit down, son. We have to talk."

Johnny sat beside his grandfather. He had a feeling something was amiss, something was wrong.

"John," his grandfather began, "it's good to see you again but you don't belong here with me right now. You have to go back and finish learning what He is trying to teach you."

"He? Who is He? You don't mean....." Johnny glanced about him then gazed up at the bright blue sky.

"Yes, John, that's who I mean."

Johnny shook his head in confusion.

"You don't remember do you, son?" his grandfather said gently.

"Remember what?" Johnny asked.

The old man pointed to Johnny's chest. "Look at yourself, John."

Johnny glanced down and gasped. He was wearing his uniform and it was covered in blood. Suddenly it all came back to him. He looked up at his grandfather wide eyed. "No. I don't want to go back. I want to stay here with you. Too much pain, too hard to handle Pops. I can't," Johnny whispered.

"It's not your time, son. You have to be strong. There are people back there who need you, friends and family who would miss you terribly if you were to stay here now. You have so much to learn and so much to share."

"No! It wouldn't be fair! What about Billy? Can't he go in my place?"'

His grandfather shook his head. The old man got to his feet and looked down at his grandson with a loving expression in his eyes. He held out his hand and helped Johnny to his feet. "It was Billy's time son. He is needed elsewhere. I can't explain it to you, but you have to understand that you were chosen to go back. There is so much work to do and only you can do it. No one else...only you."

"But if I was meant to live, why am I here?" Johnny asked plaintively.

"Let's just say you had to have a fresh perspective on things. This is what He decided you needed." His grandfather patted him on the shoulder. "You'll be fine, John. I have absolute faith in you."

Johnny's vision swam and began to darken. His grandfather's voice was fading to a whisper. "Keep well, son."

********************

The rest of the crew had moved to the staff lounge, far from the prying eyes of people waiting to be seen. The Battalion Chief had stopped by and spoken to them all. He had offered them the use of a counselor to help deal with their feelings. He had offered the same to the crew of Station 8 before they were stood down for the rest of their shift.

For the four hours the boys had been there, people had dropped by, hosptial staff and other firefighers alike, to offer their sympathy and encouragement for Gage to pull through. When the hospital chaplain walked in the room Roy almost fainted. He thought he was there to deliver the bad news. The man was only looking for a cup of coffee, but spent some time with the forlorn group of firemen, listening to them pour their hearts out. As he left he reassured them that Gage was in good hands and that he would pray for his recovery.

Captain Stanley had contacted Gage's parents in Montana. They were flying out as soon as they could. Hank had offered to put the couple up and would not hear of them staying in a motel. They needed to be with friends in this time of need. He called Emily, his wife, and told her what had happened and to let her know that the Gages would be staying with them for a few days. He had just sat down at the table when Dr Early walked in the door in his surgical greens. All eyes were on the doctor who looked at them and grinned. They all sagged with relief.

"John's out of surgery and holding his own. I'll be honest with you all. We almost lost him on the table. He suffered an arrest but we got him back. He's not entirely out of the woods yet but he's stable and improving slowly."

Roy jumped to his feet and went over to the doctor. He grabbed Early's hand and shook it. He could not stop smiling.

"Oh that is the best news ever! Thank you!" Roy said with emotion.

"I told you he would pull through. Didn't I?" Captain Stanley said with delight, glancing at his crew. His shoulders straightened as if a great weight had been lifted. Marco gave Chet a clap on the back and gave Mike's shoulder a squeeze. He had not prayed so hard and so long in all his life it seemed. He said a quick, silent thank you to the big guy upstairs.

"You guys should take off and get some rest. If all goes well tonight, John should be able to have visitors tomorrow," Joe Early said. He watched as they got to their feet and made their way out the door, each shaking the doctor's hand as they passed him.

********************

They went back to the station to get changed and head home. Before they left, Captain Stanley filled B shift in on Gage's condition. Their buoyant mood was dulled somewhat as they discussed Billy Hanks. The death of the paramedic sat like a stone on each of their hearts. It was like a member of the family had died. Billy's family had been notified. Captain Brennan and the Battalion Chief were with them to offer any assistance they could.

The guys were not looking forward to the funeral.

*******************

The next morning Roy went straight to the hospital before work. He met Dixie at the base station to see how Johnny had fared during the night. It had been a long night for Roy. He had tossed and turned, dreading the phone ringing in the night. He was tired but upbeat.

"His pressure dropped a bit and was conscious due to the pain, but overall he seems to be on the mend," she informed Roy, smiling.

"Is it okay to go up and see him?" Roy asked. He couldn't wait to see his friend.

"Sure, as long as you stay only a couple of minutes."

Roy opened the door to Johnny's room slowly. He poked his head around. Johnny was laying there quietly, his pallor as white as the sheet that covered him. Roy walked over quietly and sat down in the chair next to the bed. He looked at the equipment and the IV lines that were snaking down into Johnny's arms. He reached over and gently squeezed his friend's arm.

Johnny groaned and moved his head from side to side. He opened his eyes and blinked a couple of times. His eyes fell on Roy who gave him a big grin.

"Good to have you back, John" Roy said quietly. He watched Johnny's face intently. Johnny cleared his throat.

"Roy, I thought I was never gonna see you again. I thought I was finished for sure," he whispered.

"You're too tough, Gage. You aren't getting off that easy," Roy replied lightly, smiling at him.

"Yeah. But Billy didn't get off so easy, did he?" Johnny said tearfully. He was torn apart inside. All he could think of since he came to was Hanks. He couldn't help but blame himself for Billy's death and said so to Roy. Try as he might, he could not keep the tears from sliding down his face.

"Don't even go there, Johnny. It wasn't your fault. That guy was crazy, he would have shot at anyone like that. Look at what happened to you. We thought we were going to lose you too. So I don't want you to feel any guilt at all. There is nothing you could have done to change the situation," Roy said tersely. he knew that it was inevitable that Johnny would feel this way.

Johnny sighed and swallowed hard. Roy was right. So was his grandfather. He started and looked at Roy in shock. His grandfather? It was coming back to him. His grandfather's words echoed in his mind. "Lessons to learn...not your time yet."

"You okay, John? What's wrong?" Roy asked with concern. Johnny could feel the grief and guilt he felt for Billy ease a little.

"It's nothing. I'll be okay, Roy. Everything is going to be okay from now on."

Roy studied his partner with a puzzled look. Must be the medication, he thought to himself. He changed the subject.

"Your folks are due in town sometime this morning. Chief McKonackie is going to bring them over to the hospital. They are gonna stay at Cap's house while they're here."

Johnny nodded. He moved around agitatedly and winced slightly. He was beginning to feel the pain again. The morphine shot he received earlier was now wearing off.

Roy turned as Dixie entered the room.

"How's my favourite paramedic this morning?" she asked Johnny cheerfully. She turned to Roy. "Sorry, Roy, I have to kick you out now. We have to change his bandages and get him all tidied up for his mom and dad."

Roy nodded and turned back to Johnny. He leaned forward and grabbed his hand. He squeezed it firmly. "It's going to be okay, Johnny," he murmured. "You got to believe that. We'll get through this together."

Johnny smiled at his best friend in acknowledgement. His grandfather was right. He was needed here. He had a new lease on life, another chance and he was not going to waste one precious minute of it.

Authors note: Last Sunday, August the 16th, two Victorian police officers, Sgt. Gary Silk and Senior Constable Rodney Miller were shot and killed as they patrolled the Melbourne suburb of Moorabbin. This awful incident has touched me profoundly, as it has with many Victorians. As with the two officers who were killed in Washington not so long ago, it takes situations like this for people to realise how the members of all facets of the emergency services put their lives on the line each and every day. This story is dedicated to those two Victorian police officers and all emergency personnel around the world. You are truly appreciated.

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