‘Twas a breezy and brisk March 17 as John and Roy made their way back to Station 51. They were returning from a call at the Flannery Brewery. A worker had accidentally fallen into a vat of green beer. Rampart had said he would be okay, it would just take a few weeks to wipe the drunken grin off of his face. As they approached the station, the voice of Sam the dispatcher came over the radio."Squad 51, report of a choking victim at the corner of Horseshoe and Clover. That’s Horseshoe and Clover. Time out, eleven seven."
As Johnny was not driving, he grabbed the mike. "Ten-four, L.A.. Squad 51, en route." Roy put on the siren and lights and they were off.
"Looks like we’ll have to postpone our date with Chet’s traditional St. Patrick’s Day feast of corned beef and cabbage," Roy said.
Johnny grimaced. "It’s not the corned beef and cabbage I mind so much. It’s being around Chet after the corned beef and cabbage I’m not so crazy about." Roy nodded in agreement.
As they approached the corner of Horseshoe and Clover, they saw a small crowd of children standing in a tight circle. They pulled to a stop and went into action. Roy grabbed the drug box and oxygen tank while Johnny grabbed the de-fib and bio-phone. A girl of about nine ran up to them.
"Please hurry! We didn’t mean any harm! He won’t wake up!"
As Johnny and Roy approached, the group parted for them. As they made their way toward the victim in the middle of the throng, they each imagined what they would find. They had seen it all. It was most likely a child injured while playing. Or an adult who just wasn’t able to keep up with the kids any more. They passed the last of the children and looked at the figure on the ground. It was…..
A leprechaun.
"Well…this is new," Roy observed.
All Johnny could think to say was, "Man." He had secretly hoped it was a chick who needed mouth-to-mouth. The fact that he was looking at a leprechaun would need a few minutes to sink in.
The leprechaun looked very familiar. He was dressed all in green from the green derby on top of his head to the green patent leather shoes on his feet. He wore a four-leaf clover in the band of his hat, and the hair that showed just under the brim was a reddish-auburn. He was quite pale and was barely breathing. By his side lay a cereal bowl and a spoon.
As Roy took out his stethoscope, he turned to the little girl who had guided them in. "What happened here, Miss?"
The girl was on the verge of tears. "We didn’t mean any harm, Mister. Honest! We just saw the cereal he had and we…..well, we sort of went nuts. We had to have it!" The other children nodded and looked at the ground. "We were just after his cereal. As he was running from us, he tripped and swallowed his cereal the wrong way down."
Roy had found the heartbeat, but it was faint. "Well, kids, just let this be a lesson to you," he said to the kids. "It may seem innocent, but coveting the cereal of another can lead to some serious injury." The kids just nodded and wondered what "coveting" was.
Meanwhile, John had put up the little antennae on the phone unit.
"Rampart, this is Squad 51, do you read me?"
Across town, Doctor Joe Early entered the communications bay and answered the call. "Go ahead, 51."
"Rampart we have a possible choking victim who might be going into shock."
Dr. Early rubbed his nose and concentrated. "What did the victim choke on?"
"Breakfast cereal. Stand by for vitals."
Johnny pulled the phone away from his ear. "Have you got-" Suddenly it registered. "Holy cow! This is a leprechaun!"
Roy nodded. "The word that comes to mind is ‘duh’, Johnny."
Gage collected himself as best he could. "Rampart, the victim is a white male, approximately three feet high and about…." He whispered to the little girl. "How old is he?"
"About three hundred," she whispered back.
"…and about three hundred years old. Still standing by for vitals."
Joe Early looked at the radio as if it had just proposed marriage to him.
"Squad 51, were you sampling the goods at your last call at Flannery’s Brewery?"
"Negative, Rampart. BP is ninety over fifty. Pulse is twenty-six and variable. Respiration is extremely weak and thready."
Roy suddenly threw his stethoscope to the ground. "He’s going into arrest! Prepare to de-fib!"
"Stand by, Rampart!"
With the skill and speed born of years of team-work, Roy and Johnny went to work on the leprechaun. Roy torn open the green vest and shirt and attached e.k.g. leads to the wee man’s pale chest while Johnny gelled the paddles and powered up the de-fib unit. When the read-out on the unit reached 400, Johnny yelled, "Clear!," and touched the paddles to the victim’s chest.
As the electrical current coursed through the little leprechaun, his green eyes flew open and he let out a high pitched, "Begorah!," before flopping back to the ground. Roy was also somewhat concerned to see small, multi-colored marshmallows coming out of the leprechaun’s nose and ears. Seeing no change on the e.k.g. monitor, Johnny zapped him again.
"Begorah!"
More marshmallows.
Johnny looked down at the monitor. "Rampart, looks like sinus rhythm has been restored. You should be getting a strip now."
Joe Early was getting a strip. Yes, indeed. Along with the squiggly lines that showed heart rate and respiration were little pictures of purple moons, orange stars, green clovers, blue diamonds and pink horseshoes. And the strip smelled of marshmallows. Not really believing what he was seeing, Dr. Early pressed the mike switch. "Squad 51, start him off with lactated ringers, TKO, and also start him on twenty cc’s of whole milk. Maybe some orange juice for a complete breakfast. Transport as soon as possible."
"Ten-four, Rampart. The ambulance is arriving now. The victim should be mobile in seven minutes."
As the ambulance attendants were wheeling the wee man away, his green eyes fluttered open and he smiled at John and Roy. "Faith and Begorah, it’s beholdin’ to you I am."
Roy smiled back. "No sir, we were just doing our job."
"Ah, it’s modest men that you are," lilted the leprechaun. "But I am in your debt. And so, being a leprechaun, I grant you each a wish on this grand St. Patrick’s Day." And with that, he was placed in the ambulance and whisked away to Rampart Hospital.
The drive back to the station was mostly a silent one. As they got nearer, Johnny looked over at Roy. "Man, was that ever weird. It’s not every day you save the life of a leprechaun."
Roy gave his partner a tire glance. "It was weird all right, but I’m not so sure about that guy being a leprechaun."
Johnny looked incredulous. "You’re kidding, right? I mean, the green clothes? The fact that he was a teeny, tiny guy wearing green? That’s a leprechaun, Roy. And what about the marshmallows and cereal that came flying out of the guy? I’m telling you he was a leprechaun. And I can prove it."
"How?"
Johnny smiled wolfishly. "Easy. He gave us each a wish. I’ll make one, and if it comes true, that will prove he was a leprechaun." Johnny closed his eyes and thought very hard for a minute. "There. Now when we get to the station, you’ll see that this guy was a real leprechaun."
Roy backed the squad into the bay and turned the engine off. He looked around. "Okay, we’re here. Where’s your wish?"
Johnny was out of the squad and running for the kitchen. When Roy caught up a few seconds later, he had to stop in the doorway in surprise.
Sitting at the kitchen table, surrounded by Captain Stanley, Marco and Mike, was Chester B. Kelly. And he was completely bald. His wavy black hair lay in a pile at his feet. It was now wav-ing good-bye. He sat in mute shock while his companions tried in vain to hide concerned mirth.
"Maybe it was the corned beef and cabbage," offered Marco.
Johnny patted Roy on the arm. "See? You see that? Proof positive that the little guy was a leprechaun. This was my wish. Oh, you gotta make a wish, Roy. You gotta. I mean, you have one coming, and now that I’ve proven I’m right, you should just-" Suddenly, John’s voice failed him. For a few seconds, his lips continued to move, but no sound came out. He looked around in alarm.
Roy smiled. "What do you know? He was a leprechaun.
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