"Little early in the day, ain't it, Dwyer?" Smokey asked as he refilled Dwyer's Pilsner glass for the second time.
"No!" Dwyer snapped. "Just keep ‘um coming, Smokey."
"Fella shouldn't drink alone, specially at this hour. Whitey'll have the grill hot soon. How ‘bout I have him throw a burger on for you?"
"NO!! I don't even want him to know I'm here. I don't want anyone to know I'm here --least of all dispatch. You know how long it's been since I actually had a day off?!!! No, course you don't. You don't know what it's like, Smokey," he said shaking his head sadly. "Every time Gage -- yeah it's usually him -- does some stupid damn thing they call me. I have a life too, ya know! Or I used to. Now all I am is a replacement. Nobody even knows my first name. Did you know that, Smokey? DeSoto calls me Tom. Captain Stanley calls me Bill. Others call me Bert. You know what it ought to be? It ought to be Phil -- not short for Phillip -- short for Fill In. Go ahead, be as stupid and careless as you want -- Dwyer will come finish your shift for you. Don't worry about a thing. I'm telling you, Smokey, I've had it!"
"It sounds like it. Here you go, here's that burger you wanted -- deluxe just the way you ordered."
"I don't remember ordering a burger -- oh well, what was I saying? Oh yeah -- those jerks on A-shift. I've tried everything. I even paid someone in Personnel Assignment to have Brice assigned to fill in for Gage that time he got hit by that car. I figured that would scare DeSoto into making sure Gage was more careful. But you know as pissed as I get at Gage for being a klutz, having to work with DeSoto when he going through his usual guilt trip for whatever the hell Gage did -- that's even worse! I'd like to just shake him but it wouldn't do a bit of good. And the rest of the guys on A-shift -- they're all enablers! The whole bunch of ‘um should be assigned to Captain Hook indefinitely. He'd straighten them out!!!"
"Have some fries. Sounds rough alright."
"And Gage is never on time. Oh, he always has some kind of excuse and boy can they be doozeys! One time he got his stupid hand stuck in his drain pipe and I swear he ought to get rid of that damn Land Rover. There must be a magnet in it someplace the way other cars are always smashing into it!"
"I'd hate to pay his car insurance," Smokey agreed with a laugh.
"That's right!!! Gage does have to pay for his sins, doesn't he?"
"And with as much work as he misses it must be kind of tight," Smokey commented as he dried the spots off some glasses.
"That's right!!! He must be sweatin' to make ends meet!"
"Maybe that explains why he's such a big tipper," Smokey nodded.
"I thought he was just a tightwad but he's probably broke!" Dwyer said with delight as he finished his burger. "While I, on the other hand, have plenty of money. Plenty!!! Hell, when do I have time to spend it?"
"Well, you got today."
"I sure do," Dwyer grinned. "By God! You're right, Smokey. Hell, I got the whole day ahead of me and more money than I know what to do with. What the hell am I doing in here talking to you -- er no offense, but there's a whole wide wonderful world out there -- just filled with people -- half of ‘um women. Well I'm outta here, Smokey. Remember -- if dispatch calls you haven't seen me." Dwyer finished his beer, grabbed his jacket and headed out the door.
"I'll put the beer and the burger on your tab, Moneybags," Smokey shook his head and he cleared away the dirty dishes. "And you don't tip any better than Gage."
