Graphic by Wendlar

THE DOPPELGANGER EFFECT

by gwen doucet

The warehouse fire was well engaged, despite the efforts of three stations and a battalion crew. If it hadn't been for the fact that the inferno was so deadly it would have been an awesome sight - the flames scratching against the midnight sky, the very air alive with the sound of the fire's crackle and hiss. As it was, it was making for a very harrowing night.

Roy DeSoto walked over to the back of the squad where his partner, John Gage was sitting on the bumper. He handed him some water as he dropped down wearily beside him. They were both taking a well deserved breather.

“Thanks.” Johnny, his face covered in soot, his hair plastered to his head, gave Roy a grateful nod as he downed the cool liquid. He then took the last of the water and poured it over his head, trying to cool off. It didn't help, in fact, it just made the soot cake to his face.

“Good thing your date last night can’t see ya now, Gage!” Paul “Chili” Chilibeck teased as he came over to join them. “She’d run screaming in the other direction...,” he paused for effect. “Oh wait, she did that anyway.”

“Ha, ha,” Johnny brushed a hand through his hair, trying to keep it out of his eyes. He looked up at Chili, smirking, “Good thing I had your date to console me, huh?”

Roy shook his head as the two firefighters went at it, yet again. The verbal gymnastics the two got into never ceased to amaze him. It did make for some entertaining moments, he acknowledged but sometimes, it was like having a couple of eight year olds squabbling. The image made him laugh out loud. The two immediately turned to him.

“What are you laughing at?” demanded Johnny.

“Yeah! What’s so funny?” Chili chimed in, as they both eyed him suspiciously.

"Did you guys ever think of taking your act onto The Gong Show?"

"Huh?"

"What does that mean?"

Roy waved them off, still laughing. “Down, boys.”

Before they could get into it further, Captain Hank Stanley called out, “John! Roy! We’ve got a man down over here.”

The two paramedics jumped to their feet, in a blink all tiredness gone. They hurried away.

Chili sighed, turning back to look at the fire. He loved his job, but some nights, like tonight, seemed endless and frustrating. Another arsonist on the loose. It was his pet peeve. They had enough calls to deal with, without having firebugs adding to their workload.

Roy held an oxygen mask up to the face of Jake Bluson, a firefighter from Station 10. The man inhaled gratefully as Roy and Johnny continued checking him over.

Stanley jogged up to them. “Is he okay?”

Roy nodded. “Uh huh. He’s got a pretty good case of smoke inhalation but he’ll be okay. We’ll send him on to Rampart to have him checked out just to be on the safe side.”

“Can you handle this yourself?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.” Stanley motioned to Johnny. “We need every body we've got on this thing, Johnny. It’s a bitch. We’ve got a couple of guys working the second floor that need to be relieved. You and Chili are it.”

“Sure, Cap.” Johnny patted Bluson on the back and grinned at Roy. “Later, partner.” He strapped on his oxygen tank as he hurried away.

Roy glanced up briefly, then turned back to Bluson.

As Johnny waited at the building's main doors for Chili, he fitted his mask over his face and pulled the straps snugly over his head. He was checking the oxygen flow as Chili jogged over to join him. Though they were getting the reputation of Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dum outside of work, on the job, they were consummate professionals, highly skilled, second to none. They were all business now. Without a word, they briskly followed the trail of hoses up to the second floor, down the glass corridor. The flames were still intense, the water merely holding the fire at bay but not making any inroads in controlling it yet.

The further in they went, the thicker the smoke became, making it harder to see. Moving almost blindly, Johnny stumbled up against one of the firefighters they were to relieve. The man turned back to look at him. Johnny pantomimed for him to head out. The firefighter threw him a quick salute, tapped the firefighter in front of him. Shutting off the hose, he handed it over to Chili and he and his partner quickly made their way back down the corridor.

Johnny positioned himself behind Chili, bracing him as his friend turned the water back on. The hose snaked up behind them, vibrating from the water pressure following through it. In tandem step, they began working their way carefully across the floor.

Ten minutes later Johnny was shaking his head. They might as well have been spitting at the flames for all the good they were doing. Chili glanced back at him. It was obvious they were thinking the same thing, something that happened quite frequently.

Suddenly they both froze as they heard a popping sound. Johnny whirled around, eyes searched frantically, trying to find the source.

“DAMN!” He tapped Chili on the shoulder, pointing to a cluster of barrels sitting up against one of the walls. Just then, another barrel popped, shooting into the air, spewing a trail of flammable liquid.

It was time to retreat. Chili quickly dropped the hose and they sprinted for the door, racing down the windowed hallway.

They didn’t make it.

The rest of the barrels exploded, radiating fire and shock waves down the corridor, sending the two firefighters hurtling through a large plate glass window, out into the night, to the ground two floors below.

Roy stood aside as the ambulance attendants began wheeling Bluson away. He looked back at the building, frowning as he heard a thunderous popping sound.

“Hold on, guys,” he said, motioning to the attendants. He headed over to where Stanley was standing just as the warehouse's second floor exploded, sending flames rocketing out the windows, shattering each pane of glass lining the corridor. Firefighters on the ground scrambled for cover from the flying razor sharp pieces.

Roy staggered backwards from the force of the explosion, falling to one knee. He watched in helpless fascination as two fire fighters came hurtling through the windows, watched as they tumbled through the air, arms, legs windmilling, winced as they landed in a heap on the ground. They weren't moving. In a flash, he was up and running.

Chet and Marco were already checking the two men out, had removed their air mask by the time he reached them. Roy came up short as he realized who the injured fire fighters were, hesitated for a brief second. He gave himself a mental shake, knelt down beside them, forced himself to begin assessing them, to take control.

Chili, who had landed on top of Johnny, suddenly started to stir, moaning.

“Hey, take it easy,” Roy ordered, not wanting him to move too much before he had a chance to check him over, especially for spinal injuries.

Chili shrugged off the arms holding him, shook his head, dazed. “Johnny?” he muttered as he tried to look behind him. The paramedic wasn’t moving, eyes closed, so still. “Johnny! Come on, man.”

“Marco, hold him,” Roy ordered, as he bent down to check Chili out, at the same time shooting a worried glance at his partner. “Johnny? You okay?”

No answer for the longest moment, then, Johnny groaned, “Uh huh.” He opened one eye, “D’ya think maybe...you could find somewhere else to sit, Chili?”

Chili grinned at his friend, “Hey, all you had to do was ask.” He started to move. Marco and Chet reached over to help him to the ground.

“Marco, I need my equipment and the oxygen,” Roy said as he gave Chili a quick once over.

Stanley stood beside them as he called on the h.t. for another ambulance. With a last look at the two injured fire fighters, who thankfully seemed to be okay, he headed back towards the fire. They still had to get it under control.

Johnny groaned again, tried to sit up.

“Hey, easy.” Roy put a restraining hand on his partner.

“I’m okay,” he grumbled, coughing.

“Uh huh,” Roy deadpanned. “I’ve heard that one before.”

Johnny sank back down on the ground, shooting him a sheepish grin. “Okay. But really, I don’t feel that bad.”

“Mind if I check for myself?” Roy asked. “That was quite a fall.”

“Had worse,” Johnny muttered, waving Roy away. “I guess the ground's pretty soft from all the water from our hoses.” He rubbed his chest, shooting Chili a look. “Course, if Chili here had found another place to land, I would be even better.”

“Hey, don’t blame me cause you didn’t think of it first,” Chili ribbed him, then started coughing.

“Easy,” Roy said as he helped him sit up.

“I’m okay,” Chili tried to push him away.

Roy looked at the two, shaking his head. He could hardly believe that they both seemed to be okay. And they were both definitely acting true to form. He raised his eyes to the heavens. “What did I ever do to deserve two of them, lord?” he asked in an aggrieved voice.

####

Doctor Kelly Brackett slapped the last x-ray on the view box, frowned as he examined it. Roy leaned in, peering at the image.

“Well, Johnny,” Brackett shook his head, as he turned to look back at the young paramedic lying on the examining table. “Looks like everything’s okay.”

Roy sighed, relieved.

Johnny made a face at him. “See, I told ya!”

Brackett laughed. “You know Johnny, Roy. He has more lives than a cat. And so does his friend Chili.”

Johnny swung himself upright on the table. The quick movement made his head spin.

“Whoa. Easy there, Johnny.” Brackett ordered as he and Roy both reached out to steady him. "I'm not quite done with you yet. Once we clean away that dirt off your face, I want to check for cuts and bruises."

He looked up as a nurse, an older woman with graying blond hair swept up in a tight bun, came into the room. "Nurse, set up a tray with some gauze and iodine. I'll be right back," he added as he headed for the door.

The nurse nodded, frowned at Johnny for a moment before busying herself at the counter.

Johnny, with the help of Roy's steadying hand, headed for the sink. It was a relief to finally wash the soot and dirt off his face. He ran water over his hair as well. It felt so good. He couldn't wait for to take a nice, long, hot shower. Grabbing a towel, he wiped at his face and hair as he walked back to the table.

"I feel almost human again," he grinned at Roy as he lowered the towel away from his face.

"Well, almost human just about describes you," Roy teased.

Before Johnny could reply, they were both startled by the sound of glass shattering. The two quickly looked over to where the nurse was standing, the glass gauze container lying in pieces at her feet. She ignored it, staring at Johnny as though mesmerized, her eyes searching his now clean face eagerly, almost hungrily.

Johnny squirmed uncomfortably under her attention, shot Roy a puzzled look.

Roy shrugged, grinning a little. His partner's charm seemed to work on all ages. He stepped over to the nurse, kneeling on the floor to pick up the shards of glass.

The woman ignored him, started to reach out a hand toward Johnny, pulled it back. "Robert," she whispered.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" Johnny frowned. "Who's Robert?"

"Johnny, hand me your towel so I can wrap the glass in it," Roy called over to him.

"John...Johnny?" the nurse echoed, looking confused.

Johnny handed Roy the towel while watching the woman, "Ma'am, are you okay?"

She seemed to suddenly become aware of her surroundings again."Yes." She stepped away, backing to the door as she kept her eyes on him. "Yes. I...I...ah....." She let the words trail away and quickly left the room.

Johnny gave Roy a puzzled look. His partner grinned up at him. "That old Gage charm does its magic again, huh? If you could only bottle it, we could retire billionaires."

"Huh?" Johnny was clearly distracted by the strange encounter. He frowned as the door opened, expecting to see the woman again. He was relieved to see Nurses Dixie McCall and Amanda Wittman walk into the room.

"Everything okay in here?" Dixie asked, concerned, as she took in the broken glass and the look on Johnny's face.

"Yeah, Dix, just had a little accident here," Roy answered. "That Gage charm struck again."

Amanda laughed as she saw the blush creep across Johnny's face. She went over to the cabinets and began setting up another gauze container.

"Um, Dix, who was that nurse that was just in here?"

"Nurse Wilbury? Loretta Wilbury. We're short staffed this week so she's a temporary the agency sent over. Why? Do you know her?"

Johnny quickly shook his head.

"You know Johnny and women, Dix. I think she was about to ask him for his phone number," Roy smirked as he took the pieces of glass over to the garbage can.

"A little old for you, isn't she, Johnny?" Dixie smiled.

Johnny rolled his eyes, "I was just wondering if she was okay? Seeing me seemed to upset her."

"I know how she feels," Roy said in a long suffering voice.

Dixie and Amanda laughed.

Johnny shot his partner a dirty look. "You finished having fun yet, Roy?" he demanded.

"Not sure," Roy continued to grin. "Don't worry. I'll let you know when I am."

His partner shook his head disgustedly as he hopped back up on the examining table. When Roy got this way, the best thing was to just let it run its course. Thank God it didn't happen too often.

Amanda placed the new supplies on the tray next to the table. She gave Johnny a speculative look. "You know, Johnny, I think Nurse Wilbury is a little strange." Johnny sat up quickly, intrigued.

"Amanda!" Dixie said in a warning tone.

Amanda shrugged. "Come on, Dixie. You think so too. You just can't say anything cause you're the head nurse. Well, I'm not and I can."

"Fine." Dixie threw up her hands. "But I don't have to listen to it." She went to the door, looked back at the other nurse, gave a little smile before she left. "but you can tell me later."

"So, come on?" Johnny demanded. "Strange like how?"

Amanda had to suppress a smile. He was like a kid in a candy shop when he wanted something.

"Oh, it's nothing you can really put your finger on. She's a good nurse, maybe a little rigid but competent. She's just...one of those holier than thou kind of people, you know," she made a face. "'Just because they live the righteous life they think you don't have a hope in hell of finding salvation and they're sure quick to let you know. And everything has to be perfect with her. Everything in its place and a place for everything. She probably irons her newspapers."

"Huh." Johnny slumped down on the table, feeling exhausted all of a sudden, the exertion from the evening catching up with him. "Sounds like a real charmer."

"What are you worried about, Johnny?" Roy still wasn't finished with him, it seemed. "Unless she manages to get your phone number from your file..."

Johnny groaned. "Gee, thanks. You're a big help." He still looked a little uncomfortable. "Can you find Brackett. I want to get out of here."

It was almost an hour later before the doctor finally discharged both him and Chili, with an admonition to take it easy for a day or so. Brackett smiled at the identical looks of dismay on their faces at the warning.

"Come on, guys," Roy ordered, pointing to the exit. "This taxi service has to get back to work."

The three headed out, talking amiably. No one noticed Nurse Wilbury watching them, or the look on her face as she focused her attention on Johnny.

###

Johnny headed across his apartment building's parking lot, whistling. He stopped abruptly as he saw his jeep.

"Oh, for...." he shook his head as he surveyed the damage. Someone had smashed in the passenger side window. He hurried over, expecting to find the inside torn apart, but was surprised to see that, aside from the glass on the seat, the jeep seemed to be relatively intact.

Teenagers, he decided grimly. He headed back to his apartment, for the phone.

###

"And they didn't take anything?" Roy asked, as he continued checking out the drug box. "Good thing you didn't leave your camera equipment in there."

"Yeah, I guess. But that's the weird thing. There were some new eight tracks and a couple of bucks, but they didn't touch any of it."

"Well, not everyone likes your taste in music, my friend," Roy couldn't resist saying. "And they probably figured you were more hard up than they were for cash."

Johnny didn't react to the teasing, lost in thought. "Johnny?"

"Huh?" He was a million miles away. He blinked, looking at his partner. "I just think it's weird. It looks like they went through the papers I keep in the dash. They tried to put everything back exactly the way I had it but I could tell. I don't get it. What would kids want with that stuff?"

"Who knows with kids nowadays. I just hope Chris and Jennifer don't get like that," Roy worried briefly. He noticed that Johnny still seemed to be distracted. "Hey, it happens. You're lucky they didn't trash your jeep just for the fun of it or take it on a joy ride."

"You're right," Johnny agreed reluctantly. "It's just...you're gonna think I'm really flaking out here but the last couple of days or so..." He looked self-conscious. "I keep getting these hang ups on my phone at home and...I've just had this feeling, like....like, someone's watching me, you know?"

Roy shut the drug box, returning it to the squad. "You think someone's watching you?" he repeated, then gave a short laugh. "Getting a little paranoid, aren't we?"

"Maybe but that's what it feels like. Like when we were on that call out by the drug store the other day. I could just feel someone out there."

"Johnny, we always have a crowd watching us when we're called to a public place. Sounds like maybe you're watching too many episodes of The Twilight Zone." Roy closed the squad's doors. "You should lay off the program for awhile."

Johnny didn't look convinced but, surprisingly, didn't pursue the subject. He shrugged and headed for the kitchen.

Roy followed him, shaking his head at his partner's latest flight of fancy.

###

Johnny pulled up outside Chili's parents home. He reached over for his camera, checking the frames left on the film. He put another roll in the case, just to be safe. As he got out of the jeep and was locking it, he had that feeling again, that sensation that he was being watched. He looked around uneasily.

Just then, Chili came around the corner of the house, noticed Johnny.

"Hey, something wrong?"

Johnny turned quickly, smiling at him. "No," he shook his head resolutely. "So, the usual gang of suspects here?" he asked as he followed Chili to the back yard.

"You know it. The Chilibeck clan, not for the faint of heart."

The backyard was a mad house of activity, people, kids, dogs and cats, music blaring. Children were ducking in and among everyone, playing tag. Some of the adults were manning barbecues, others were setting food on the tables, and still others were taking part in a very spirited horseshoe tournament. Johnny smiled as he took it all in. The first time he had been to one of these gatherings, he had asked Chili what the special occasion was that they were celebrating. His friend had grinned, "Let's see. This week it's cause it's Sunday." Seemed the Chilibeck clan liked to hang out together and they had quickly made Johnny feel welcomed.

"Johnny!" Chili's mother beamed when she caught sight of him. A short, wide woman who moved quickly, she hurried over, catching him up in a warm embrace. "It's been too long since we've seen you," she scolded. Releasing him, she stepped back, but kept her hands on his arms as she looked him over. She shook her head sorrowfully. "You're still too skinny." She waved a hand over at the food laden table behind her. "Eat, boy, eat!"

Johnny laughed delightedly at her. "Don't worry, Mama Chili. I always stuff myself when I'm here. Can't help it. You're food's so good. I've been thinking maybe we should have you teach some of the guys at the station how to cook."

"Flatterer," she said, clucking her tongue. "And don't change the subject. You're still too skinny. You need a wife to fatten you up."

Chili, standing behind his mother, grinned at Johnny's discomfort.

"I don't understand." Mama Chili reached out to pinch Johnny's cheek. "A nice boy like you can't find a nice girl to marry and have lots and lots of nice little babies?"

Chili snickered. Big mistake. His mother turned and waggled a finger at him. "That goes for you too, young man. I'm not getting any younger, you know. I want to still be around for your children."

Chili looked back at the numerous kids running around the yard. "Like you don't have enough to love here."

"Don't be fresh, Paully. I can still wash your mouth out with soap!"

Chili shut up immediately. She could and would and he knew it. It was Johnny's turn to grin now.

Mama Chili shook her head at them. "I'm not going to give up on you two," she warned them, a determined glint in her eyes. One of the little girls came racing by. The older woman quickly scooped her up, hugging the child close. "Come on, my pumpkin. Let's go check to see if the ice cream is ready yet."

Johnny watched as she walked toward the house. He was smiling widely. "I love your mother."

"Well," Chili eyed him, "She's already married."

Johnny laughed. "Too bad. Ain't that the way. The good ones are always taken."

"Safer that way, huh?" Chili remarked. He started over for the huge cooler sitting up against one of the picnic tables. "Want a beer?"

"Sure." Johnny stood back, watching the busy activity around the yard. His smile faded as he felt again the sensation that he was being watched. He fought the urge to look over his shoulder.

Chili, returning with the drinks, gave him a questioning look. "What?"

Johnny started, obviously so deep in thought that Chili's reappearance had startled him. "Nothing."

"Right." Chili clearly didn't believe him. He handed his friend a beer. "And I hear the Brooklyn Bridge is for sale. Real cheap."

"Okay. You really wanna know?" Johnny sighed heavily. "I don't know if I can explain it...but I've just been getting this feeling that someone's watching me, following me...it's kinda creepy."

"Oh, I see." Chili smirked. "You think you have an admirer stalking you, huh? Some beautiful, young woman, no doubt? What a dreamer."

Johnny didn't return his smile.

Chili laughed even more, leaned over to punch him on the arm. "Snap out of it, pal. No one gets that lucky, except maybe in the movies!"

"Chili! Johnny!" One of Chili's brother's called out from the horseshoe game area. "You're up! I've got 5 bucks that says you guys don't make it past the first round!"

"You're on, sucker!" Chili turned to Johnny. "Come on, Romeo." He started over to the knot of players, not noticing that Johnny didn't respond for a moment, that he still looked uneasy.

###

Johnny turned onto the road that would take him past the park. He had heard that there was a hot air balloon launching from there and was hoping to get a few pictures before he headed over to Roy's. Spotting the huge, colorful balloon, he pulled over. He didn't notice the van that pulled up across from him.

He concentrated on framing his pictures, trying different angles, shutter speeds. Finally, the balloon rose high in the air, drifted away. Johnny hefted his camera as he watched it disappear on the horizon. He thought he might have gotten a couple of really good ones, so good that if they turned out as well as he thought they might, he would probably have them blown up and framed. He had also taken some crowd shots, going for interesting faces, people who wore their lives on their face. He didn't notice that in most of those shots, standing in the background watching him, was an older woman, with greying blond hair.

He made it back to his jeep, and was opening the door when he heard someone calling out. "Please. Help me. Ro...Mr. Gage."

Frowning, he turned to the woman, trying to place her. It came to him. It was Nurse Loretta Wilbury. "Nurse...Wilbury?"

She smiled at him, though she was clearly agitated. "Yes. I'm so glad I saw you here. I need help... My husband..." She pointed back towards the van.

"Okay." Johnny quickly stashed the camera under the driver's seat and shut the door. He hurried over to the van, not noticing Loretta opening the jeep's door and locking it before following him.

###

Roy pulled the ladder out of the garage and leaned it against the house. He checked his watch, yet again. Big surprise. Both Chili and Johnny were late. They had promised to come over and help him clean his eaves. He sighed.

"Yeoh, Roy," Chili hailed him as he pulled up into the driveway. "Sorry I'm late. Gotta love my family but sometimes they make it hard to get away, you know?"

"Don't worry about it. Johnny's not here yet."

"He's not?" Chili looked puzzled. "I talked to him this morning. He said he was going to take a few pictures down a the park and then was going to come straight here. I figured he'd be here...." he glanced at his watch, "at least an hour ago."

"You know Johnny. He's easily distracted."

Chili laughed. "Yeah, especially by a pretty face. Want to bet that he's going to show up here proclaiming he's just met the girl of his dreams."

Roy shook his head. It was a sucker bet. He could have added that he half expected the same sort of thing from the young man standing across from him.

###

Johnny climbed into the back of the van, where a tall, well-built older man lay moaning. "What seems to be the problem, Mr. Wilbury?" he asked, placing his fingers on the man's wrist.

The man only moaned louder. Johnny looked back at Loretta. "Did you call for an ambulance?"

"Yes," she answered quickly, hovering close.

The paramedic turned back to the man, began checking him over. "It's okay," he said soothingly. “You’re going to be just fine." As he leaned forward the old man opened his eyes and grabbed Johnny's arms in a steely grip.

"Hey, hey, calm down," Johnny said, trying to twist away from him, but the man's grip was solid. Then, he felt a jab in his arm. Confused, he turned to see Loretta holding a now empty syringe in her hand.

"What the hell...?"

"It'll be okay, Robert." The woman gave him a reassuring smile. "You're going to be okay now."

"Robert?" Johnny could feel his strength, consciousness ebbing fast. Desperately, he shoved the old man away, lurched out the van's doors, past Loretta. He tried to run, stumbled, fell to one knee. Before he could get up again, the old man was on him.

"We're here to save you from them, Robert," the man reassured him, as he helped Johnny to his feet, easily overcoming his increasingly weak struggles.

“Robert?” Johnny shook his head, "I'm John...Johnny..." He tried to get away, but his arms, legs were numb. The earth began to spin and a curtain of darkness settled down around him.

###

It was getting really late and still no Johnny. Roy and Chili had decided earlier to do the eaves themselves, figuring they would get Johnny back another time. Now though, they were starting to worry. They had called his apartment and gotten no answer, hadn't heard from him either. That wasn't like him.

"He's a big boy. He can take care of himself," Roy reminded Chili, unsure who he was really trying to convince.

"Yeah."

The two men looked at each other. Of course, this was Johnny they were talking about. There was no telling what could have happened to him.

JoAnne stepped outside, gave them a look. "Look, why don't you just go looking for him? Go check out the park. You're going to drive yourselves and me crazy sitting here, worrying."

"I'm sure he's okay," Roy told her, though he got up quickly. Chili was right behind him.

"I know." JoAnne handed him the car keys. Like them though, she knew that if anything out of the ordinary were going to happen, it would happen to their friend.

The two men drove over to the park in silence. Chili sat up suddenly. "Over there! That's his jeep!"

Roy quickly wheeled up behind the vehicle. "He can't still be taking pictures, can he?" he wondered.

They got out, looking around as they walked up to the jeep. Chili tried the door. Locked. He cupped his hands around the side window, peering inside. He started to smile as he noticed the keys still in the ignition. “Look. That’s Johnny for ya.”

"He's done that often enough." Roy frowned, "I don't get it, though. Why didn't he call me to come get him? That's why I have a spare key."

Chili continued to look around the jeep's interior. The camera strap, which was poking out from under the seat, caught his attention. No way Johnny would leave that hanging around. It was an expensive piece of equipment. He was starting to get a really bad feeling.

He looked up at Roy. He could see the same thought on the older man's face.

They stood beside the jeep, undecided about what they should do next.

A hot dog vendor down the block, having noticed them arriving, was pushing his cart over to them. The cart proudly proclaimed "ALFRED'S AMAZING DOGS".

"Hey!" he called out as he neared them.

Chili tried to wave him off. "Sorry, but we're not looking for a hot dog right now."

The man brought the cart to a stop in front of them. "But you are looking for the guy who belongs to this jeep, right?"

"Did you see him?" Roy asked sharply. "Dark hair, slim, about his height." He pointed to Chili.

"Yeah." The vendor jerked a thumb behind him, indicating the park. "He was here earlier today, when the hot air balloon was launching. Lotta people came down to see it. Did three times my usual business," he said happily.

"That's great," Chili couldn’t hide his impatience. "But our friend. You saw him?"

The man nodded his head. "He was taking picture of the balloon and some of the crowd. He even took my picture," he announced proudly. "Promised he'd come back and give me a copy. I'm always here, easy to find. Your friend, he's a nice guy."

"Did you see where he went?"

"Well, that's just it." The man rubbed a hand over his scraggly beard, looking troubled all of a sudden. "I was pretty busy, like I said, but I caught a look of him with an older couple. It looked like he got sick or something. They had to help him into a van."

"What? Are you sure...Alfred, is it?" Chili asked.

"Yup. That's my name."

"Okay, Alfred. I'm Chili and this here is Roy."

Roy smiled a brief hello.

Alfred looked from one to the other. "I think it was your friend. Yeah, it was the guy who belongs to this jeep. I'm kinda into them so I noticed him when he pulled up."

"Did you get the license plate number of the van?"

The vendor shook his head. "Didn't think I'd need to. I thought they were just helping him."

Roy eyed the growing darkness. "Did you recognize the couple?"

"Nah. They might live around here but they aren't regulars. Didn't belong, know what I mean? Very prim and proper kind a people."

"Okay. Thanks, Alfred. You've been a big help." Roy motioned to Chili. "Come on. We better start calling the hospitals."

As they turned to go, Alfred piped up, "The thing of it is, fellows. The more I think about it, the more it looked like your friend was trying to get away from them."

"What?" Roy looked confused.

"Well, it's just I've been thinking, you know and well, I don't think your friend wanted to go with them. I’m kinda thinking now that maybe he was kidnapped. "

###

Johnny groaned, blinking his eyes against the harsh glare of the overhead light. His head hurt, felt fuzzy. He couldn't figure out where he was, didn't recognize the ceiling or the walls around him. Even the blankets on the bed were unfamiliar. He could hear an odd creaking sound. Huh?

He started to move, but his head protested, loudly! What the hell? He couldn't seem to process information fast enough, almost like he was drugged. Drugged? Jesus!!! It came back to him in an overwhelming rush. Loretta. The van. The old man. The needle.

Panicking, he tried to sit up, had to stop, the room spinning out of control. He closed his eyes reluctantly, taking deep breathes.

"Robert! You're finally awake." An older woman's kindly voice floated over him.

Johnny carefully opened his eyes again as he looked over to where the voice had come from. Loretta Wilbury. She was sitting in a rocking chair, calmly knitting as she watched him. The chair rocked slowly. That explained the creaking sound.

"Who...what? Johnny croaked, his voice husky. He cleared his throat. He was definitely confused.

The woman stood up, reached for a pitcher and glass sitting on the bureau beside her, pouring out some water. "Here, dear. I'm sure your throat feels a bit scratchy." She moved over to him and tried to hand him the glass.

Johnny flinched, glaring at her.

"It's just water. It will make you feel better, Robert."

"Who the hell is Robert?" he demanded.

“Have a drink first, dear.”

Johnny was still trying to think clearly. “I don’t want any. What I WANT is to know what’s going on!”

She didn’t say anything, only looking at him with loving concern. She held the glass out yet again. Frustrated, confused, he struck out, knocking the glass out of her hand. "Get away from me!" he yelled.

Loretta recoiled, as though she had been slapped. "Robert!"

"Robert? You people are crazy!" He tried to move, to get away, but his limbs were not responding. Grunting from the effort, he rolled off the bed, onto the floor, struggled to push himself upright. Slowly, he was getting the feeling back in his legs. “You can’t do this!!!”

Loretta, unnerved by his reaction, was relieved to see her husband rush into the room. "He's scared, father. Help him before he hurts himself."

"ROBERT!" Frank Wilbury reached out to him. "Calm down, son. It's going to be okay."

Johnny struggled to get away from him. The old man was strong, carried himself in a distinctive military bearing.

Johnny made it to his feet, pushing the old man back. "Let me go!" He made it as far as the door before Frank managed to grab hold of him again, forcing him back towards the bed. Johnny was having none of it. He flailed away desperately, swearing, not sure what was happening but just knowing he had to get the hell away from these people.

"Mother, hurry," Frank finally managing to push Johnny back on the bed. He held him tightly. "Easy, son. Don't be scared. You're going to be okay."

"Let go! Let me go!!!" Johnny shouted, kicking out with his legs, trying to dislodge him.

"Sssh, Robert, ssssh." Frank's grip didn't loosen, even when Johnny's feet managed to connect with him a time or two. "We’re not going to hurt you. We love you."

Loretta was back with a syringe in her hand. She quickly plunged it into Johnny's arm. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. It's just till you're better," she said, tears in her eyes as she stood back, looking at him. "Once you forget how they brainwashed you, trying to make you think you were a bad person like them, then we won't have to do this. I promise."

Johnny fell back against the bed. He looked up at them helplessly as they stood watching him. "I don't understand..."

"Rest now," Frank said gently, all fatherly love and concern on his face. "We have a long journey ahead of us, son. But we'll get through it together. As a family."

"We love you, Robert," Loretta smiled at him, brushing the hair off his face.

"Not....Robert." he struggled to speak, felt himself slipping away and he was gone again.

###

Roy paced restlessly in the small waiting room that Officer Vince Howard had directed him and Chili to. Vince had interviewed Alfred, the hot dog vendor, and had been clearly worried by his story. Roy had no idea what the officer had been up to for the past hour. He sighed in frustration.

Chili was sitting at the table, hadn't moved or said much during their wait, which was very unusual for him. Like Johnny, he was always on the go, believed in actions over words. His demeanor worried Roy. It was easier to worry about the young man in front of him than to try and fathom what might have happened to Johnny.

The door opened and Vince came in.

"Roy. Chili." He sat down at the table, motioning for Roy to do the same. The two fire fighters waited apprehensively.

"Okay. I made some calls to the local hospitals. No one has a John Doe matching Johnny's description."

Roy wasn't sure if that was good news or not.

Vince looked at them both. "Normally, when someone goes missing, it's 48 hours before we can file a report on it, but because of the eye witness we have that suggests an abduction as opposed to just a disappearance, I've been able to put an APB out on Gage. Every officer is on the look out for him. Unfortunately, we don't have a license number of the van but we do have a description. Not much but..."

"Vince?" Roy interrupted him. "What are we talking about here? What do these people want with him?"

"I wish I had an answer for you but I don't know" the officer said. "Could be anything. Maybe even people you guys met on a rescue that didn't go so well...."

"A revenge thing?" Chili shook his head at the absurdity of it all.

"I'll have to look back through our logs, see if anything stands out.” Roy scratched his cheek absently. “I can't think of anything off the top of my head."

Chili faced Vince. "What's your take on this? Not the official police stand but yours...gut reaction."

"Gut reaction?" Vince sighed heavily. "It doesn't look good. The longer he's missing, well...."

Chili suddenly burst out of his chair, began pacing like a caged animal. "It's all my fault!"

"It's no one's fault, Chili," Roy told him.

"You don't understand." The man's voice was full of self-loathing. "I'm such an idiot. Johnny was at my parents last Sunday. He said something about feeling like he was being followed and I just blew it off, figured it was just his usual overactive imagination, you know? God damn it!!!"

Roy blanched, looking sick. Vince reached over to touch his arm. "You okay?"

"Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no." Roy closed his eyes. "He said the same thing to me and I ignored him too. I told him he was watching too much television." He turned quickly to Vince. "Someone broke into his jeep the other day but they didn't take anything, just went through his papers, he said. And he was getting a lot of hang ups on his home phone." He looked up at Chili. "He tried to tell me, too...."

"Okay guys," Vince broke in. "Blaming yourselves here isn't going to help get Johnny back. So just park it till later. Right now let's concentrate on trying to find him."

"Find him?" Roy echoed. "Do you really think we're going to find him?"

Vince didn't answer.

Chili resumed his pacing. "So now what?"

"We'll develop the film in his camera, see if there's anything on there that might help. We'll have Alfred look them over." Vince placed his hands on the table, choosing his words carefully. "You want to know what I would do? Don't wait. Take it to the street, guys. Get some flyers with his picture on it, get some people together and start knocking on doors in the area around the park, his apartment, see if anyone's seen him."

Roy nodded, his thoughts going in a thousand directions. How the hell had this happened? What the hell had happened? Through it all, the one thought - somehow, he had failed his partner.

"Uh, Roy?" Vince got up. "I think, maybe, you better call his parents."

At his words, the paramedic looked like he might be in need of medical help himself.

Chili swore viciously, kicking at one of the chairs, sending it flying against the far wall.

The sound reverberated in the room.

###

Johnny was aware of the rhythmic squeaking and this time remembered almost everything as he came to. He opened his eyes, quickly shutting them as his head pounded, waited for his stomach to stop heaving. He risked opening one eye, looking down the foot of the bed. Loretta was in the rocking chair, not knitting this time, just watching him. He turned his face away from her.

"Robert?" Loretta called, getting up. Her voice became insistent. "Robert!"

Reluctantly, Johnny looked up at her. She moved beside his bed.

"Are you feeling better, dear?" she asked, all motherly concern. She poured another glass of water, set it down on the bedside table and stepped back.

'Better than what?' Johnny thought. He stared at her balefully.

She looked at him sadly. "I know how upsetting this must be, sweetheart but it's for your own good. We want you to get better."

Johnny tried to say something but his throat was so dry he couldn't manage it. He reached for the glass of water, taking a large gulp, sputtered, coughed for a moment, then drank some more.

Loretta beamed as she watched him. "That's a good boy." She went over to the bureau to pick up a tray sitting on it and brought it over to him. "You must be starving. You haven't eaten for quite awhile and you've always had such a big appetite.” Her smile grrew. “You know what your father always says, you could eat us out of house and home."

Johnny eyed her over the top of the water glass. He wondered for a moment if he was losing his mind. This woman seemed like a friendly, normal person, a caring mother, chatting away like Johnny really was her son, like nothing was wrong with this picture. He shook his head. Ouch! No, his head hurt too much for him to be out of it. He realized that she had stopped talking and was watching him expectantly.

He cleared his throat, tried to figure out what to say. Maybe if he used the old "Gage Charm" that Roy was always teasing him about, he could get her to let him go. It was worth a shot, especially since the old man wasn't in the room. He reached for a sandwich and took a bite. It tasted like sawdust.

"Umm..I'm sorry, but I don't seem to remember how I got here. What happened?"

Loretta picked up another glass from the tray, this one containing milk "Have some milk, dear," she urged, pleased to see him drink some. "You've been lost from us for awhile. Your father and I have been so worried about you. No matter how old your children are, you worry about them. You'll see yourself one day." She patted his hand comfortingly. "All that's important is that you're home now, for good. Father and I are going to take care of you, Robert. You're never going to leave us again."

Johnny couldn't help his reaction, the revulsion showing on his face. Loretta started to frown at him. He forced himself to smile again, relieved to see her relax. "I'm glad," he lied through his teeth. He forced himself to finish the sandwich and drank more of the milk. Ugh, it tasted funny. He didn’t notice the look of satisfaction on her face as he finished the glass. Now or never, he figured.

"Um, I, ah...need to.." he gestured vaguely, "ah, bathroom."

"Oh, of course," Loretta frowned. "Your father will be back soon. He'll take you."

Johnny made a face. "I really...really have to go now."

"Hmm," Loretta looked at him. "Well, I'm sure it'll be all right." She helped him to his feet. Johnny swayed for a moment, dizzy.

Loretta indicated a door that sat across from the main hall door. Stumbling, he made his way over to it. He noticed that the compact bathroom had a small window over the sink.

"Keep the door open, please," Loretta said, standing outside the room. "You're a little unsteady on your feet. I don't want you to get hurt."

Johnny tried to look bashful. "No offense but...I can't go like that."

"I'm a nurse, Robert. I've seen everything." She smiled. "And I'm your mother. I've seen everything."

Johnny nodded, as though giving in. He stepped through the door, then whirled, slamming it shut behind him. His finger fumbled over the luck, struggling to turn it, panic making his hands sweaty. He could hear Loretta crying out Robert's name. Then, thankfully, the lock finally clicked in place.

Moving quickly, he climbed up on the sink to look out the window. He was on the second floor, facing a deserted back yard. There was no one around to yell out to. He'd have to jump. He looked down at the ground. It would be a long fall, probably break a leg, but it was his only option. He pushed at the window, swearing when it wouldn't budge, stuck. Frantically, he searched the room, picked up a ceramic frog perched beside the door. He smashed at the window, sweeping away as much of the jagged edges as he could.

Behind him, he heard pounding on the door, froze for a moment when he heard Frank's voice. The man was bellowing. He dropped the frog behind him, where it smashed to the ground, shattering into a thousand pieces. He didn't care. He poked his head through the window, then shrugged his shoulder through. He could smell freedom, touch it.

He was about half way out, about to twist his body so he could get leverage on the sill before jumping to the ground. Almost there.

Suddenly, he felt hands on his ankles, pulling him back. He fought, kicking and screaming. And then he was being yanked backwards, the remaining shards of glass cutting his arms, his back. He was pulled back inside the bathroom. He landed with a thud, banging his head against the sink, falling awkwardly on his left leg. He lay there, dazed, bleeding, disoriented.

Frank's face swam before him. "Son," the man said sadly. "I'm sorry I hurt you but we just can't have you go back to the way you lived before. It's for your own good."

Johnny tried to process his words, the situation, but for some reason, he just couldn't seem to, his thinking sluggish. Frank lifted him up, helping him to his feet. His left leg wouldn't support him, it seemed and the old man had to half carry him back to the bed.

As he settled against the pillows, Loretta joined them, a bottle of peroxide and cotton balls in her hand. She started dabbing at the cuts on his arms.

"Ow!"

"Ssh. It'll be all right, dear. You'll see." She smiled. "Reminds me of when you were five. You were always getting cuts and scrapes. Such an adventurer. I had to keep you locked in the backyard, otherwise I never knew what kind of trouble you'd get into..."

Despite the pain, Johnny fell asleep to the sound of her voice, her words wrapping themselves around him.

###

The DeSoto's home had become unofficial head quarters for the search. At the moment, the volunteers, including Johnny's father, were out canvassing door to door, both in the area surrounding the park and Johnny's apartment building, looking for anyone that might have seen something, anything.

JoAnne stepped into the dining room, stopped as she watched Annie Gage, not wanting to intrude. The woman was looking at one of the many flyers they had printed with Johnny's picture on it. The look on her face clearly conveyed the pain she was feeling. JoAnne's heart went out to the woman as she watched her reach out and gently touched the image of her son's face. Not wanting to intrude, she slipped quietly out of the room.

Once in the kitchen, busying herself making coffee, she finally let her guard down, unable to hide her own fears, worry. Thank god she had sent the kids to Linda's. She couldn't have handled answering their questions right now.

She filled the kettle, plugged it in. She had been through some worrying times in the past with both her husband and Johnny, due to their jobs. It was all part and parcel of being a fire fighter's wife and waiting for news never got easier. But this time... No one knew where Johnny was or why he had been taken. This had nothing to do with his job or an accident. It was the unknown.

She grabbed the can of coffee from the fridge, stopped as she saw one of the flyers with Johnny's picture on it hanging on the door. His crooked smile shone up at her. 'Damn it, where is he?!' She slammed the can with the ground coffee onto the counter. It burst under the violent pressure, spraying coffee around the room. JoAnne looked at the mess, closed her eyes in frustration, trying to stop the tears.

"Here, dear," Mrs. Gage hurried over to her, taking her arm as she led her to a chair. "Let me get that." She bustled over to the counter, reaching for a cloth.

JoAnne hastily wiped the tears away. "I'm sorry," she apologized, feeling embarrassed.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes." JoAnne made a move to get up but the older woman waved her back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to see me like this. You have enough to worry about."

Mrs. Gage looked at her, astonishment on her face. "Please. Don't apologize for caring about my son." She sat down beside JoAnne, reaching for her hands. "He is...is so lucky to have people like you in his life." She stumbled a moment, paused then resolutely went on. "Knowing the friends he has here makes it easier to have him so far away from us."

JoAnne clasped her hands tightly, shaking her head at this remarkable woman. Her son was missing, and yet, somehow Annie could take the time to be concerned about her son's friends.

"Now," Annie stood up, headed back toward the coffeepot. "The men will be back soon and will probably be hungry. Where do you keep the bread"

JoAnne joined her at the counter, helping to prepare the food. The activity did them both good, though both kept glancing at Johnny's image hanging on the fridge door.

###

Loretta watched her son as he slept, still unable to believe that he was finally home with her, where he belonged. She picked up her knitting, and began working on it as she rocked. She and Frank had almost despaired of ever having him back in their lives. Everyday without him had been bleak, empty. They had continued to search for him though, trusting that one day they would have a chance to save him, to have back the loving child they had raised. They had planned for the day, knowing that once they rescued him, it would take time to help him find his way back to them. They were prepared to wait, no matter how long it took.

He had been sleeping on and off for the last two days, ever since the little escapade of his. It had been a distressing scene, but understandable, really. It would take time. They did seem to be making some progress. During his waking moments now he was quiet, polite, cooperative, listening as they told him stories from his childhood, and seemed interested in the future plans they had for the three of them once he was well.

She noticed him begin to stir. Quickly, she got up and taking a gel capsule from her dress pocket, broke it open and dumped it into the milk sitting on the little table beside her. She quickly stirred the contents, the powder disappearing. Keeping him sedated upset her greatly, but both she and her husband agreed that it was necessary for the time being. For Robert's own good, until he wasn't so confused about where he belonged.

"Well, hello sleepyhead," she sang out, as she moved over to him. She placed the glass on the bedside table, and reached over to adjust the bedcovers around him. "Are you planning on sleeping your life away?"

He blinked up at her, confused. "Huh?" He groaned as he felt the cuts and bruises from his fall and his left leg throbbed.

"I know it hurts a little, dear but it'll be better soon, I promise," she told him, patting his arm comfortingly.

Johnny forced himself to nod, to agree with anything she said. He attempted to sit up, needed her help to do it. He rested his head against the wall, so weak.

"Are you hungry?"

He shook his head no.

"Well, here, have some milk. You need something in your stomach."

Johnny just didn't seem to have the willpower to resist. He took the glass, drank slowly, had to fight to keep his eyes open. Every once in awhile, the room seemed to shift suddenly, disconcerting him. Must be the shots, he thought vaguely, then forgot it. He couldn't seem to concentrate on anything for any length of time.

He rubbed a weary hand across his face, pushing the hair out of his eyes.

Loretta, seeing this, made a tsking sound with her tongue. "You know, I don't understand why all the young people are letting their hair grow so long." She titled her head, giving him an affection look. "And you just don't look like the Robert we know and love with that mop." She made a decision. "I'll be right back."

Johnny watched her go, disinterestedly. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to shake the cobwebs out of his head. Didn't really help but he forced himself to think. These people were crazy. No wonder their son had left them. He wondered where Robert was. He smiled to himself for a moment. Hopefully, living the good life away from these fruitcakes.

The room was empty. It was the first time that he had been alone since he had ended up here. It seemed every time he woke up one or the other of the Wilbury's was there, watching him, relating stories of family times as though they really expected him to remember. He was so tired of the constant attention, knowing they were watching everything he said, he did; then the disappointment in their eyes when he didn't respond as they expected him too. More upsetting still, disorienting was that a time or two, he actually thought he could remember what they were talking about.

His brief moment of solitude was over. Loretta came back into the room, carrying a box in her hands. Johnny eyed it, resignedly. Now what?

She set the box down on the bed and picked up the picture frame that had been lying on top of it. "Now, this is how we always see you dear, and when I'm done, you'll be you again."

She placed the photograph on his bedside table. Johnny glanced at the picture, eyes widening in disbelief. He stared at the image, started to shake. Staring back at him was his own face...yet it wasn't him. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the photo of Robert. It couldn’t be. 'Jesus! It is me!'

Loretta didn't seem to notice Johnny's distress. She opened the box, pulling out a large piece of cloth. She shook it out, draped it around Johnny's neck and shoulders. It took him a moment to understand what she meant to do. He wanted to stop her but knew he just didn't have the strength. He was drifting again. He watched, as though from a great distance, as Loretta pulled out a pair of scissors. He stared at the photo of Robert/himself as she began snipping away at his hair. Robert's image seemed to shift, move towards him. He could feel his grasp on reality beginning to slip.

###

Chili checked off yet another house on his list. He stretched tiredly, arching his back, trying to work the kinks out. He and Roy had taken leave from the department to organize the search for Johnny. It had been four days now and no new leads. He knew the longer it went without anything turning up, the slimmer their hopes were of finding him.

Everything they had done so far had turned up nothing. The pictures in Johnny's camera had revealed no clues. Some of the pictures had turned quite out well. Johnny would be happy with them. Chili had sobered at the thought, wouldn't let himself think that chances were that Johnny would never "be" anything again.

Despair settled around him. When he was with the others, especially Bob Gage, he was always upbeat, trying to keep everyone else's spirits up, but alone, when he didn't have to pretend, his true feelings took over.

Chili checked his list again, frowning. It had taken a few days but he had managed to talk to just about everyone on his list, except for two houses, where there had been no answer. He checked his watch. He still had time to try them one more time before meeting up with the others to go over the day's progress...or lack thereof.

The old house stood apart from the others in the slightly dilapidated neighborhood located a couple of blocks from the park. The lawn and hedge was neatly trimmed, cheerful flowers lining the walk way to the porch. He knocked at the door. Still no answer.

"Yes. Can I help you?" A voice behind him asked.

Chili turned to look at the older woman with the blond, gray hair. She was carrying a bag of groceries and was frowning at him, clearly unhappy to find him there, but trying to be polite. "Hi, sorry to bother you, ma'am." Chili turned on the charm, usually as successful as Gage's. "I've been checking the neighborhood here to see if anyone has seen a friend of mine who disappeared from the park a few streets over."

She shook her head quickly. "I haven't seen him."

"But you haven't even seen a picture of him."

"Well, I’m sorry but my family and I keep to ourselves. Maybe if more families did that, we wouldn’t have all the problems we have in the world now.” Suddenly, unexpectedly, she was angry. “And I wouldn’t have to worry about my son so much!”

Chili blinked at her. Where had that come from? Man, it took all kinds. “Well, could I talk to your son? Maybe he saw something that might help.”

“You leave my son alone!” She edged past him, clearly agitated. “He’s a good boy. He doesn’t know anything about your friend.”

The fire fighter wasn’t about to give up that easily. "This'll just take a minute, ma'am," he said, unfolding the flyer in his hand, holding it up to her. She couldn’t avoid seeing it. He was startled by the emotions that stormed across her face.

“I told you I haven’t seen him!” She pulled open the front door, whirling on him. “Now please, just leave my family alone!” The door closed forcefully behind her.

Chili stood there, staring at the door angrily. What the hell had been her problem? A fruitcake. Definitely a fruitcake. He moved away, checking off the house on his list. He doodled a small fruitcake in the margin next it, grinned. Childish, sure, but it made him feel better, even if it was only for a brief moment.

Sighing, he headed down the street to the next house.

###

A dinner tray sat on his bedside table. It remained untouched, though as usual, he had at least drunk the milk. Food just didn't seem to interest him at the moment. Truth be known, nothing interested him at the moment, except sleep. He moved carefully. He had tried to play their game, giving them what they wanted, hoping to lull them into a false sense of security, but they weren't buying it this time.

He felt the room spin for a moment, and his concentration with it. He didn’t understand why he was so weak, disoriented now. They hadn’t given him a shot for a while now so it couldn’t be that. Maybe…maybe he was still sick. Yeah, maybe that was it.

He shifted, letting his eyes wander around the room, wasn’t surprised to see Frank sitting in the rocking chair, reading the newspaper. His dad could tell him what was wrong.. “Um…Dad…?” he started to say, then stopped. Wait! Was that his father? No, not his dad…right? It was getting all so muddled now.

Frank smiled at him, began reading out the baseball scores to him. Any other time, the scene would have been heartwarming, father and son, sharing a love of sports. Now it only mocked him. He closed his eyes, started to drift again. He settled deeper against the pillow, relaxing as he started to smell the mouth-watering aroma of food, could hear laughter and music. He smiled at the sensory memory, not aware that it was only a dream. It seemed so real.

He was at one of the Chilibeck's regular gatherings. He couldn't wait to join the fun. He came in through the gate, walking slowly, unsure why he seemed to be walking as though through a fog. He waved to the family, but no one paid him any attention. He frowned, hurt. He searched the crowd and finally found Chili. He was surprised to see Roy sitting beside him. Surprised but happy.

"Hey, there you are!" Roy grinned up at him. "You do get yourself in the damnedest situations, don't you?" He looked over at Chili. "What are we going to do with him?"

"Don't know," Chili gave Johnny a sorrowful look. "It's awful hard having a friend that ya have to keep rescuing."

"Please." Johnny couldn't understand why he felt so weak. He struggled to speak. "I think I need your help."

"See what I mean?" Roy stared at Johnny for a moment, his eyes sad. "Sorry, Johnny. Not this time." He draped an arm around Chili's shoulders. "Bet I can beat you at horseshoes," he challenged good naturedly, ignoring Johnny. They started to walk away.

"Wait. Don't leave me again, Roy," Johnny called after him, desperately.

"Again?" Roy stopped, turned to him, puzzled.

"You left me before, when we capsized." Johnny concentrated, trying to remember. "You were there, and then you left me. I was all alone. You left me."

"Aah," Roy glanced at Chili. "I've been wondering when he was finally going to get to that."

"Huh?" Johnny frowned.

"Look, partner, you're going to have to start taking care of yourself sometimes, you know." Roy shrugged helplessly. "I'm sorry but you're on your own this time."

Johnny tried to follow them but something seemed to be holding him back. He pushed against the invisible barrier but it was no use. He watched his two friends laughing together. "NO!" he shouted at them. "Don't leave me here. Don't leave me!”

"Sssh," Johnny struggled awake to find his mother holding him, crooning to him. "Sssh, baby, ssssh. Mommy's here."

"Mom..." he started to cry, so lost.

"I'm here, Robert. I'm here."

Johnny's eyes flew open. Loretta! The revulsion so great that he shoved her away from him, hard. She fell to the floor.

“Robert!” Frank moved quickly, helping his wife up. She was upset but not physically hurt. He turned to Johnny. “Now that’s enough of that, young man. I’ve always taught you to respect your mother and being sick is no excuse for this kind of behavior. Now, you apologize right now, young man!”

Johnny just stared at them, a mutinous look on his face.

“Robert!” Johnny could see the old man was starting to lose his temper but he really didn’t care. That is, until he saw the look that flashed across his face. And for the first time, he was really afraid, not just angry and frustrated but scared.

“Okay. Okay. I’m…I’m sorry…” he said, like a sullen child.

“That’s all right,” Loretta began but Frank shushed her.

“No, it isn’t. We’ve been patient, son, but it’s time that you made some effort to be part of this family again. Do I make myself clear?”

Johnny nodded quickly.

“You get some rest now. We’ll talk more later.” Loretta promised as she drew the covers around him.

Johnny turned his back to them, curling himself into a ball, squeezing his eyes shut. He could hear them discussing, in whispered tones, about someone who had come to the door. It seemed to upset them. He couldn’t concentrate enough to understand. Besides, the scene with Roy and Chili kept running through his head. He kept forgetting that it was only a dream. And right now, he felt totally abandoned.

###

Roy waited impatiently for someone to answer the door. It was his last call before he packed in. One week and still nothing. Tonight the search volunteers would meet to discuss the options. The compassionate leave that Stanley had arranged for him was up in two days. Right now, he felt more like a detective than a firefighter. Some detective, he jeered dispiritedly.

He jumped, startled when the door suddenly opened in front of him.

"Yes," the sixtyish year old woman regarded him with mild curiosity.

"Hello, Mrs. Jenkins? My name is firefighter Roy DeSoto. I'm with the L.A. County Fire Department."

A look of understanding crossing her face. "You're here to sell tickets to the Fireman's ball. Well, young man, sorry to say that I haven't danced in many years..."

"No, ma'am." He smiled at her, though he was so tired it took more effort than it should have. "I'm looking for a friend of mine who disappeared about a week ago. You might have seen something in the news on it?"

She shook her head. "I've been out of town for a couple of weeks. Visiting my sister Vicky in New York. I'm afraid I probably can't help you."

"Oh, well, thanks anyway." As Roy started to turn away one of flyers with Johnny's picture on it, slipped out the folder he was holding, falling to the ground.

The woman reached down to pick it up for him, frowned as she looked at it. She stood up slowly. "Is this the man you're looking for?"

"That's him."

"Is this some kind of joke, young man?" she demanded.

"No. I’m very serious. Why?"

She pointed to the picture. "He's been dead for over ten years!"

"What?" Roy fought to keep his voice even. "That’s my partner, John Gage. He's a firefighter too. And up until seven days ago, he was very much alive. And I'm trying to make sure that he stays that way!"

The woman glanced up at him, moved by the emotion in his voice. She looked back at the photograph, shaking her head. "The hair's a little different, and he seems happier than poor Robert ever was...but that's the spitting image of Robert. He could be his doppelganger."

"Doppel...who?" Roy was now thoroughly confused.

"Doppelganger. It's a German word. It means a person's double, a ghostly counterpart to a living person." She crinkled her nose at him. "Sorry, I’m lecturing again. I was an English teacher for 40 year. Old habits die hard."

"And you think this picture looks like...?"

"Robert Wilbury. Poor boy. He died too young. A drug overdose.” She continued to stare at the photograph of Johnny, remembering. "He led such a sheltered life, at home and when he hit high school he just rebelled, went wild. I tried to help when he reached the grades I taught but it was too late. He was too involved with gangs and drugs.”

"That was ten years ago?” Roy asked, puzzled. “And you remember him?”

"You always remember the ones you couldn’t help. I still think about him now and again.” She shook herself, bringing her thoughts back to the present. She smiled sadly. “That doesn’t help you, I’m sure.”

"No, but thank you, Mrs. Jenkins. I appreciate your time," Roy nodded. Leave it to his partner to have a doppelganger, he thought smiling. He would have probably thought it was a kick to have an exact double of himself running around. The poor women of the world would never have had a chance with two of them.

"I hope you find your friend." Mrs. Jenkins handed him back the flyer. "It was strange with the Wilbury's. They just couldn’t seem to accept their son’s death. They never even claimed his body. As far as they were concerned, he just went away for awhile."

"What happened them?" Roy couldn't help but ask.

"Oh, they live a couple of blocks over but I don't run into them much.”

"Hmm, I wonder if I talked to them this week? They sound like they might be a little out of touch with reality.”

She considered that. "Probably but you would never know it. She works, a nurse I think and he just retired from the service a couple of years ago."

Roy, anxious to finish up for the evening, didn't fully register what she was saying. He nodded to her as he started down the stairs. "Thanks for your time, Mrs. Jenkins."

"You're welcome." She stood on the stoop, watching him as he walked away. Remembering Robert had made her sad. She hoped that the missing man's story had a happier ending. She wrapped her arms around her against the nip in the night air.

###

"Doppelganger, huh?" Chet tried the word out for size. He liked how it sounded. "Sounds pretty bizarre."

"It was," Roy assured him. The assorted volunteers were sitting around the DeSoto’s dining room table - Chili, some of his family, the guys from 51 who were off shift and tonight Vince, who stopped by whenever he could. They were flipping through the new enlargements made of the pictures from the last roll Johnny had shot.

Roy looked through them, searching for something, anything. JoAnne had taken the Gage's and the kids out to supper and the movies, hoping to keep their minds on something else, even for a brief time.

Roy chewed on his lower lip. "It's strange, though. I keep thinking she said something that I'd heard before but I just can't remember what it was."

"Do you think it had something to do with Johnny?" Stanley glanced up, concerned.

"I don't know. Probably not." He shook his head. He flipped through the photos, suddenly stopped to examine one closely. "Hey, Chili, let me see those pictures you've got there," he demanded, holding out his hand.

Chili scooped them up and handed them over. "Whatdy'a got?"

"Wait," Roy scanned them quickly, "Yeah, here and here. This lady. She's in the background in a lot of these shots. It looks like she's watching Johnny."

"Easy, Pal, a lot of people like having their picture taken," Stanley cautioned him.

"But she's not trying to have her picture taken." He stared at her image. "I know her from somewhere."

Chili bent over to take a look at her. "Hey, that's the fruitcake!" The guys all looked over at him, puzzled. "You know, the lady who acted like I was there to corrupt her dear son."

"I've got it. Nurse Wilbury!" Roy tapped the picture excitedly. "At the hospital, back when Johnny and Chili got caught in that warehouse explosion. She kept staring at Johnny, enough that it made him uncomfortable. We figured she thought he was someone else...Wilbury? Wilbury? Where did I hear that name recently?" He sat bolt upright as it hit him. "Oh my god! The doppelganger!!!"

"Huh?" Vince frowned at him.

"The family with the son that looked like Johnny. Their name is Wilbury! That's what Mrs. Jenkins said that’s been bothering me." He stared at the others. "Don't you get it? Their son died 10 years ago, but they refuse to believe he's gone. Then Nurse Wilbury sees Johnny and thinks it's her son. I think she even called him Robert when she saw him. It was right after that that Johnny started complaining about the hang ups and being followed."

"Pretty thin, Pal," Stanley said. "Damn thin."

"No wonder she freaked when Chili showed up on her doorstep. We were coming to take back her son!" He noticed Vince shaking his head. "What? You have something better? Let's go!"

"I'm with you!" Chili jumped in, getting up.

Vince held up a hand. "Slow down, guys. First let's see if we can get Alfred, the hot dog vendor to make a positive I.D this lady. Then I'll make a few phone calls, find out what we're dealing with, okay?" Roy and Chili looked about ready to argue with him, but Vince made a placating gesture with his hands. "If this IS it, we don't want to have anything go wrong by charging in blindly.”

Reluctantly, Roy saw the wisdom in this approach. "Well, make your calls. Let's get it rolling!"

Chili picked up the pictures examined the old lady. She seemed so harmless. He looked up to see Roy watching him, his eyes telegraphing a message. Chili understood. No matter what was decided, they were going to be there, one way or another.

###

Frank Wilbur slammed the front door closed behind him. He threw down a handful of papers that he had been holding. Loretta hurried down at the sound of the door, stopped on the last step at the look on his face. She looked down at the papers. She sagged at the sight of the flyers of Johnny.

"They're all over the neighborhood!" Frank fairly vibrated with frustration. "Every time I tear them down, they put up another one."

Loretta sank down on the stairs. "It's happening all over again, Father. He's going to go away, leave us."

"No." Frank shook his head determinedly. "They AREN'T going to take our son again.”

They both started at the sound of knocking at the front door. “Police. Open up.”

Oh God. It was happening. Their worst fears realized.

She turned to her husband. “Please. I can’t…” Tears spilled down her cheeks. “We can’t…we can’t let them take him.” The knocking grew louder.

Frank looked at her. “There’s only one way for the three of us to be together always. We’ve talked about it.”

She began to nod, understanding. “Yes. I think…we have no choice, not if we want to be together.” Now that the decision had been made, she was in control again. She nodded toward the door. “I’ll try to send them away but if it doesn’t work, I’ll join you.”

As she hurried to the door, Frank pulled open the hallway desk and pulled out a gun. He gave his wife an encouraging smile and headed up the stairs.

Vince Howard was about to motion to Officer Nigel Woodruff to head around the back when the door suddenly opened, though only as wide as the security chain would allow. The woman staring back at him was obviously upset.

“Please, go away. Leave us alone!”

“Ma’am.” Vince tried to peer behind her, keeping his hand on the butt of his gun. “Could we come in? We’d like to talk to you … about your son, Robert.”

"Robert?" She shook her head quickly. "He's doesn't want to go with you. He wants to stay here, with us, his family."

Roy and Chili, standing back on the first step, looked at each other. She had to be talking about Johnny. Roy signaled to the Engine and Squad, parked up the street, to stand by.

"Ma'am. We have a warrant." Vince held the paper up to the opening. Once they had gotten Alfred's confirmation on Loretta and started checking out the Wilbury's, things had fallen into place. The officer had been able to convince a judge to move quickly. Hopefully, it had been quick enough.

“You can’t have him,” she whispered, then stepped back, slamming the door shut. Vince lunged forward but wasn’t quick enough.

Chili jumped up the steps, joining officers in trying to kick the door open. It gave finally, almost spilling them onto the entrance floor. Roy hurried in behind them. The four paused for a second, attempting to orient themselves.

"I think she went up there," Chili said, as he started for the stairs.

"Hey!" Vince held out a hand. "Remember our deal? You stay down here till we give you the all clear."

Chili was about to argue when Roy placed a hand on his shoulder. "We'll wait here, Vince. Just find him."

The two officers began heading slowly up the stairs, guns drawn. Behind them, Stanley and the paramedics from Squad 10, Dwyer and Charlie, made their way into the room.

The officers were about half way up the stairs when it happened.

The sound of a gunshot.

Vince and Nigel half ducked as they sped up the stairs. The officers disappeared out of sight.

There came the sound of another shot.

And another.

Three shots in all.

No one moved. Three shots. Frank Wilbury. Loretta Wilbury. And Johnny.

###

Johnny had started awake as Frank burst through the door. Why was his father so upset?, he wondered bewilderedly. His eyes widened as the gun in his hand. His father looked at him sadly.

“I love you, son,” he said simply, as he pointed the gun at Johnny.

“Dad?”

“I’m sorry.” He was genuinely upset. “It’s the only way.”

Johnny couldn’t take his eyes off the gun, couldn’t figure out what was happening, why his father was acting this way. He tried desperately to reach him. "Please, Dad. I love you."

And then Loretta was in the room. "There's not much time," she said, breathlessly.

"I know." He started to pull back the hammer.

"Wait!" Loretta hurried over to sit beside Johnny, holding him. "I can't watch. I'll go first. I'll be waiting for you."

“Mom…?” Johnny looked back at her. Why was she letting this happen? It was mom, wasn’t it?

“Sssh,” she soothed, placing her hand against his cheek. “Sssh.”

Johnny couldn't believe what was about to happen. He saw the flash of the muzzle, heard the roar of thunder and suddenly he was covered in blood, Loretta gasping against him.

"Mother?" Frank lowered the gun for a moment. "Is she...?"

Johnny stared uncomprehendingly at the woman lying against him. Mom? No, not mom…. She was still alive. He cringed as Frank moved closer. He moved away, backing against the wall, covering his head with his arms. As the gun roared again, his mind went blank, no thoughts, no fears, no reality.

Vince and Nigel stormed the room.

"Drop it! Police!"

Frank Wilbury ignored them, pointed the gun at Johnny. Without hesitation, Vince Howard fired.

The force of the shot slammed Wilbury up and over the bedside table. He fell in a heap at the side of the bed, the framed photo of his son, Robert thumbling down on him.

Vince quickly kicked away the man's gun. He looked at the carnage in the room, his stomach heaving. He shouted out the door, "We need paramedics in here!"

Roy was first through the door. He stopped abruptly, the others bumping into him. The men stared at the bodies on and around the bed - the old man, the ragged hole in his back, the woman, half her face missing and Johnny, covered in blood.

Dwyer started forward. Roy waved him off. "I've got him," he whispered. "I'VE got him."

Dwyer nodded and he and Charlie moved over to check the Wilbury's, though it was obvious they were beyond help. They moved Loretta off the bed, onto the floor, giving Roy a clear path to Johnny.

The paramedic carefully climbed up on the bed beside his partner. Chili hovered helplessly.

Roy reached out a tentative hand toward Johnny. "Johnny?" he said, not expecting an answer and not receiving one. He rested his fingers on his wrist, checking for a pulse.

He jumped as his friend jerked away from him, pulling himself into an even tighter ball.

"He's alive!" Chili couldn't believe it. He climbed up beside Roy.

"Charlie," Roy called out urgently. "Get Rampart on the phone." He turned back to his partner. "Hey, Johnny, it's me, Roy."

"I'm here too, pal," Chili added.

No answer. Roy motioned to Chili to climb up beside him to give him a hand. Gently, he tried to move Johnny's hands apart, to check him out. He met resistance. Johnny was keeping a tight hold on his arms, successfully keeping his face hidden from them. They could both see the cuts and scrapes on the back of his hands and arms, but had not idea what other injuries he might have.

They needed to reach him somehow. Roy glanced at Chili. “Talk to him,” he suggested, as he continued trying to check their friend out.

Chili thought for a moment, then leaned in close to Johnny, not touching him, and began talking, keeping his voice low, calm. "Hey, friend. I was up on our favorite hiking trail the other day. And guess what? I saw a great American bald eagle. That's right! It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen...well, except for Kate Carpenter but that's another story." He forced himself to smile. Roy nodded, encouraging him to continue, hoping Chili would be able to reach Johnny. "I found some of the feathers it dropped. A lot of them. Guess that's why it's a 'bald' eagle, huh?" He made a face at the inane joke. "I thought you could use them in those dream catchers you make. Remember you promised my mom one? She’s been asking for it."

While he talked, though Johnny hadn't said anything or moved, the tension in his arms seemed to eased a little. Roy gently laid his fingers on Johnny's wrist and began checking his vitals. They still couldn't see the extent of his injuries, but Roy didn't want to cause him more harm by forcibly checking him over.

Chili continued, "I watched that eagle soar in the sky for the longest time. You know how they can ride the wind currents, like, forever. It was majestic. Made me wish I could fly just like him. So, that got me thinking. Yeah, yeah. I know, run screaming the other way." His voice smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes as he watched Johnny. "I think it's time we learned how to sky dive, don't you?

Again, no answer but Johnny now allowed Roy to move his arms away from his head, though he still kept his eyes closed. Roy examined his face as he put a BP cuff around his arm. The blood didn’t seem to belong to him, he thought in relief.

Dwyer had moved to the end of the bed, checking Johnny's legs. When he reached the splinted left one, the pressure of his hands caused Johnny to gasp, the pain making his eyes pop open.

"Sorry," Dwyer said, carefully maneuvering the leg.

"Hey, partner," Roy smiled at him.

Johnny looked back, said nothing, no reaction.

"Yo, Johnny." Chili reached out to touch his shoulder, stopped as his friend flinched at the movement.

Then, slowly, the injured fire fighter looked around the room. Every single person was standing there, staring at him. Watching him.

He sighed quietly, closing his eyes.

###

It was the middle of the night before Roy made it back home. Bob and Annie had insisted he go, promising to call if Johnny woke up. He still hadn't spoken to anyone, kept drifting off to sleep. He had some bruises, cuts and scrapes, though it seemed that Loretta Wilbury, with her nursing background, had kept them clean, so at least they hadn't gotten infected. One less thing to worry about. And she had set his broken leg, keeping it immobile.

Doctor Brackett had been reassuring regarding the physical injuries. They would heal. More worrisome were the drugs he had ingested but he figured they would be out of his system within a few days. However, Brackett had been blunt in his assessment of their long-term effect. Johnny‘s emotional health was going to be another story. He was arranging for the staff psychologist to visit with him. No one knew what he had been through but they could hazard a guess.

JoAnne frowned as she heard the creak of a door, waited for Roy, but when he didn’t appear got up to look for him. She found him in Chris’s room, sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at their son.

“Roy?”

He looked up at her, obviously exhausted. “I didn’t think it was possible to ever love your child too much,” he whispered sadly.

She covered the ground between them quickly, wrapping her arms around him.

“Don’t. Don’t do this to yourself,” she whispered, rubbing her hand along his shoulders.

“It was so bizarre, JoAnne. They weren’t monsters. They loved him.” He still couldn’t get his head around it. He leaned back into her arms, so tired, but every time he closed his eyes, he saw his friend, in that room. He didn’t know when he was going to be able to sleep again.

"And Johnny..." Roy felt her arms tighten around him, trying to give him her support, her warmth. It helped, but... "I don’t know. How do you get past something like this?"

###

Thump. Thump. Thump. Swish.

Chili retrieved the basketball from under the hoop and began bouncing it on the driveway again, the streetlight casting a soft, pale yellow glow around him.

"Paully?" His mother stepped out the front door, belting her robe at she walked over to him.

Chili gave her a guilty look. "Mama, did I wake you? I'm sorry."

Mama Chili smiled at him. She knew her son better than almost anyone, probably better than himself. He had wanted to wake her, knowing that his father could sleep through a herd of elephants dancing on their bed. Why else would he have been standing out in the driveway, in the middle of the night, bouncing a basketball against the garage? She didn't mind. She knew what was weighing heavy on his mind. "Our Johnny? Is he going to be okay?"

Chili looked away. "Yeah, he’ll live, if that’s what you mean.”

She waited until he turned back to her. "Paul?"

Chili bounced the ball against the pavement restlessly. "I..." He had always been able to tell his mother anything, but suddenly found he didn't even know where to begin. Frustrated, he flipped the basketball over his shoulder, sending it careening against the garage. He plunged ahead. "I'm scared, Mama. I don’t know if I can help him with this.”

She heard the pain in his voice, her heart breaking at the sound.

"Mama. I don't know what to do."

She reached out and hugged him close. He clung to her. "Just be his friend, Paully. Just be his friend."

###

TWO WEEKS LATER....

Johnny zipped up his carrying case, took one last look around the room to be sure that he hadn't left anything behind. He checked the bathroom, around the sink. Nope. He had everything. He was careful not to catch his reflection in the mirror. He was afraid, on some subconscious level, that he wouldn’t recognize the face staring back at him.

He swung his crutches over to the bed. He couldn't wait to get home, to finally be alone. He needed solitude but it seemed that every person he knew had taken it upon themselves to be sure he was never lonely. They didn't understand.

His parents had tried so hard but in some twisted way, they were a constant reminder of the Wilbury’s. He couldn’t even bring himself to call his own parents Mom and Dad. Too many memories. He knew it didn’t make any sense but he needed time away from them, even though he was aware that his attitude hurt them. It had taken a lot of convincing, but he had finally talked them into returning home, promising he would visit them as soon as he could. They were the easy ones. Chili and Roy were going to be harder.

But he was determined. He didn't want to have people around him. Even friends. Especially friends. Everyone was so eager to help him but none could give him the one thing that he wanted. That he needed. Answers.

The psychologist had tried to help him understand that sometimes, sometimes things just happened and there weren’t any pat answers as to why. He knew she was right but still…

"Your taxi service is here, sir."

Johnny paused a moment, planting a smile on his face before he turned to face the speaker.

Roy pointed to the wheelchair. "Rules, you know."

Johnny nodded, dropping into the chair. He laid his crutches across his lap.

A quick frown flitted across Roy's face. He had expected the usual argument from his partner about being forced to ride in the chair. He suppressed a sigh, reminding himself of what the doctors had said. It would take time.

###

Johnny kept all the curtains in the apartment drawn, shutting out the sunlight and most importantly, the rest of the world. Still tiring easily, he spent most of his time resting on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. He wasn’t sleeping well. Sleep allowed the nightmares to take over. At least awake, he could force them back.

He started at a knock on his front door. Now who could that be? He had finally managed to get Roy and Chili to back off. They hadn't been happy about it, but he hadn't really given them much choice in the matter.

Whoever was at the door was persistent. They weren't going to leave. Finally, reluctantly, he reached for his cane, and headed for the door. He stared in surprise at his visitor.

Mama Chili, her arms straining under the tray of food she was carrying, bustled in, steaming past him, not giving him a chance to turn her away too.

"Since you won't come to my food, my food is coming to you," she announced in a 'don't you dare question me' voice. She headed straight for the kitchen, busying herself unloading the food onto his counter. Johnny watched her, uneasily. She glanced at him over her shoulder, frowned. "Skinny, skinny, skinny. You need to eat. Sit."

There was no question of not obeying, Johnny realized. He sat, eyes widening as he saw the huge mound of food she placed in front of him. He hadn't really had an appetite for a while now, Brackett even threatening him with a feeding tube at one point while he was hospitalized. However, the food smelled wonderful.

He looked over at Mama Chili, suspiciously, checking to see if she was watching him like everyone else he knew seemed to do, but she was busy stocking the fridge, while she kept up a steady one sided conversation, letting him know what her family was up to. Johnny relaxed, picked up a fork and began to eat.

She watched him out of the corner of her eye as she continued to fuss around the kitchen. She had been shocked by his frailness, but more so, by his quiet demeanor. Now she understood her son's worry, his pain these past few weeks. Instinctively, she knew that Johnny would not want her pity. She would need to act naturally around him, even if it killed her.

"So Johnny, I've been thinking...." she squirted soap into the sink and began running water into it. Johnny looked up warily. "This friend, she's a very good friend, a good person. She has a niece, beautiful girl. She speaks three languages. Very smart."

Johnny, without even being aware of it, began to smile, his first genuine smile in a long time. "I can get my own girls, Mama Chili."

"Hmph!" she sniffed. "So why don't you?"

Johnny laughed helplessly, shook his head as he continued to eat.

Mama Chili started picking up the dirty dishes from the counter, dumping them into the sink. "Young men nowadays," she began, tearing into her favorite topic, "I don't know what's wrong with the lot of you. You need us to do everything for you..."

Johnny grinned. He was familiar with this particular rant. He and Chili had joked about it many times, were able to quote it almost verbatim.

Mama Chili swept a quick eye over him as she continued to pick things up from the counter, happy to see that he was working his way steadily thought a good portion of the food she had put in front of him.

She smiled to herself as she turned back to her work. She didn’t notice her coat slip to the floor or Johnny kneeling down to retrieve the paper that fell out of it. She continued chatting. “So, would you like to meet her?”

No answer. She looked back at him, frowned as she saw the haunted look back in his eyes as he looked up at her. He was holding the paper, his hand trembling. She didn’t understand until she realized that he was looking at one of the flyers with his picture on it.

“Johnny,” she said gently, reaching out for the paper. “I’ll take that.”

Rage seemed to consume him. Without warning, he pushed her away from him, standing, “Is that why you came here? To see the freak? Why don’t you just leave me alone!!” He swept an arm along the table, sweeping dishes, food onto the floor. He reached for the glass jars on his counter, shot them across the room blindly, shattering them against the fridge, the wall, the ceiling. “Why can’t you call just LEAVE ME ALONE!” He was screaming now, out of control. Dishes, food, toaster – all went flying.

Mama Chili stepped back involuntarily as he moved towards her, shocked at the hatred on his face. For a brief moment, even though she knew it was self-hate he was feeling, she was afraid that in his rage, he would hit her.

As suddenly as the storm had started, it ended as he saw the fear on her face, saw her back away from him. He sagged to the floor, covering his face with his arms. “Oh god, I’m sorry,” he heaved. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Mama Chili’s heart went out to him. She dropped down beside him, wrapping him in her arms.

For a moment, he panicked, had to fight not to pull away, but then, as she rocked back and forth, he began to feel safe, protected...for the first time in a long time.

He allowed himself to be held. It was the first crack in the wall he had built around himself.

###

Roy sat on his deck, supposedly to watch the sunset. It was an exceptionally beautiful one tonight, but he didn’t notice.

JoAnne watched him from the kitchen window, worrying. She didn’t know what to do or say to help him through this anymore. The doorbell sounded. With a last look out the window, she went to answer it.

Roy, reaching for a beer from the cooler beside him, was surprised to see Johnny step out onto the deck from the kitchen patio doors. Without a word, he reached back into the cooler and handed him a drink. He had to fight not to ask how he was.

Johnny gave him a look. "I'm okay. It's all right. You can ask."

"Oh," Roy didn't know what to say, still felt like he was walking on eggshells around him. His friend had seemed to be so distant, ever since the rescue. "You’re not using a cane anymore, huh?”

“Nope. I can thump along now without it.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Johnny cleared his throat. “Um, hope you don’t mind that I just dropped by like this.” He gave a self-deprecating laugh. “I thought maybe if I called first you’d say no. Not that I’d blame you or anything.”

“What?”

Johnny’s eyes skittered around the yard, avoiding him. "I just...I wanted to say I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Roy echoed, puzzled. "For what?"

"I pushed you away. And Chili."

"That's okay. We understand."

Johnny looked at him sadly. "No. You don't. I didn't myself, not really." He stopped, took a long swig of his beer, before finishing in a rush. "I was mad at you."

Roy could only stare at him. "Mad?"

"I had a dream when I was... you know. In this dream you and Chili wouldn't help me. You left me with those people." Johnny held up a hand as Roy started to protest. "I know. It was a dream, I know that now. You'd never leave me like that." He pointed to his heart. "I know that here but here," he pointed to his head, "it seemed to get lost in the translation...I'm sorry."

Roy searched for words, choosing them carefully. "We're partners, Johnny and friends. You don't have to apologize to me."

"Or me."

The two men looked up as Chili stepped out onto the deck.

Johnny looked at Roy. "I thought we could just you know, hang together."

"Sure," Roy handed the newcomer a beer. He contemplated the two men. "As long as you don't try talking me into going skydiving with the two of you."

"And why not?" Chili asked, as he sat down across from Johnny. He winked at him. "You gotta live for once in your life, man! Take a risk."

"I work with him," Roy deadpanned, pointing a finger at Johnny.

“Skydiving, huh?” Johnny said, a gleam of interest lighting up his eyes. “Cool!” He turned to Roy. "Just think about it. Up there, floating like a bird...."

“Forget it, guys!”

The three started talking at once, Roy shaking his head, the other two trying to convince him.

JoAnne watched from the kitchen window. She smiled. It would take time. Anything important took time, but she knew, as she looked at them, that they were all going to be okay.

Her fire fighters were going to just fine.

(Author's note: It is said that everyone has an exact double of themselves somewhere in the world. Well, in my case, it seems that I must have about 20 exact replicas of me running around and I've met most of them or at least, have met the people who know them. I can't even begin to count the number of times I've had someone come up to me and beginning talking to me like I'm their best friend...and I haven't a clue who they are. It's not all fun and games though. I've been sucker punched by someone who thought I was my alter ego (guess not all my doppelganger's are as nice as me :-} ). But it did lead to ‘what if?’ (a writer’s favorite question) and that in turn, to THE DOPPELGANGER EFFECT.)

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