Johnny slid into line next to Marco. He glanced at the clock. Almost two minutes to spare.
Captain Stanley looked up from his clipboard. He was about to do the roll call. He decided against giving Gage a hard time. He had some bad news to give them. He did the formal roll call then looked up and spoke. "As you may have noticed, the squad is not here. I'm sorry to say that Dwyer and Carlson were involved in an accident with the squad late last night."
"Are they all right, Cap?" Roy asked with concern.
"According to Hochrader's report, their injuries are fairly minor but they were both kept for observation by Rampart. If all goes well, they should be released today."
"Well that's good. What happened anyway?" Johnny asked.
"Some drunk ran a red light and when they swerved to avoid him the squad skidded on the wet pavement and hit a light pole. The squad is probably going to be out of commission for several shifts and the garage is sending over a replacement this morning. Till then, Roy and John, you're auxiliary engine crew. Well, that's all I have. The usual morning tasks are waiting for you." With that, the captain went into his office.
With no squad to polish, Roy and Johnny helped out on the engine.
"You guys were probably lucky that the squad was put out of commission last night," Chet commented.
"Now how do you figure that, Kelly?" Gage took the bait.
"Well if it hadn't, you guys would have gotten one of those wonderful late night calls to come in early - not that Johnny doesn't owe Dwyer a million times over for all the times he's had to come in and cover for him."
"Now wait one darned minute there, Chet----"
Johnny's tirade was interrupted by the arrival of Charlie the mechanic. He was driving the strangest looking vehicle they had ever seen. All work stopped and they all gathered around it to gawk.
"What the heck is that?" It escaped before Johnny could stop it. The last thing in the world anyone wanted to do was get on the wrong side of Charlie.
"That, Gentlemen, is the latest word in high tech rescue vehicles. A prototype for the future and I gotta tell you, I'm none too happy to turn it over to you two."
"What's wrong with us?!" Johnny's back was up.
Before Charlie could list off all his objections, Captain Stanley wandered into the back lot in search of his missing crew. Charlie shifted gears. "Come here, Hank. I want you to get a look at this beauty. This is the latest, state-of-the-art -- this, this is the wave of the future," Charlie gushed proudly. "Helped design her myself. For once the Department came to me - the guy in the street - for advice."
Roy and Johnny exchanged glances. Since when was Charlie the guy in the street?
"I know these babies and the job they do. I know all the adverse conditions that they have to put up with. These babies have to be ready, at the drop of a hat to go anywhere. Do anything. And this baby is designed for every single possibility that they could ever run into -- lookee here. Look at these windows. 100% shatter proof. That means bulletproof too, my friends. Remember the Watts riots back in the sixties? Or even say a sniper decided to take a bead on the Fire Department? No problemo in this baby. See this inside - a rollbar - for all those paramedics who like to try fancy driving -- say off a cliffs, DeSoto?" Charlie did not give Roy a chance to defend himself. He went on showing them the vehicle and bragging about all its attributes. "And to end the great debate about locking the bay doors, look at this." Charlie opened a bay door with ease. "Now you try, Gage."
Johnny shrugged and walked up to the bay door. He expected it to open as easily for him as it had for Charlie but the turning mechanism didn't budge and he almost broke his hand in the attempt.
"There ya see. No can do, right?"
"It's locked," Johnny complained although he did not see how Charlie had locked it.
"Only to unauthorized personnel," Charlie announced triumphantly.
"I'm authorized personnel!" Johnny's voice went up two octaves.
"Not yet, you ain't. Gentlemen, observe this. This is a high tech security device developed by the Army and classified until very recently." He pulled a square metal plate out of a small almost hidden compartment. "This here is a palm scanner. Only palms that have been scanned into the memory of this device can activate the bay doors. Put your hand here, Gage. Come on, it ain't gonna bite."
Johnny still looked unsure but he allowed Charlie to press his palm onto a black screen in the center of the metal plate. Suddenly a green light went on and moved up and down under Johnny's hand.
"This works on the same principle as fingerprints. Okay, now you, DeSoto. Now only you two will be able to open the bay doors. They are locked to everyone else, but you guys don't have to fumble around with keys. Every minute counts in an emergency."
Roy put a restraining hand on Johnny's arm warning him to keep quiet and not get into any kind of a fight with Charlie. Charlie continued to brag about the supersquad, as he called it. Roy thought it was the ugliest thing he had ever laid eyes on. It was painted like a squad but it was a lower and wider. It almost looked as if someone had squashed a squad a little. The tires were big and wide. That might be good for some of the rough terrain that they sometimes faced but it didn't look like it would be good for city and freeway driving which was most of what they did. There were cages in front of the headlights. The darned thing looked like it was built for war. His time in the service made it glaringly obvious to him that the military was also behind this design despite Charlie's bragging. He had the sneaking suspicion that they were about to be guinea pigs in some sort of experiment. "How is it on gas?" he asked.
"What?!" Charlie was nearly speechless.
"Gas - you know that the commodity that the country is suffering from a shortage of?" Roy also had his doubts about how the thing would handle but he wasn't about to open himself up to any more criticism from Charlie.
"That ain't for you to worry about." Charlie recovered. "If all you paramedics weren't so quick to wreck your vehicles, I wouldn't even let you within ten feet of this baby but as it is I got no choice this is the last one in the barn and if you two so much as scratch it--"
"Hey, Charlie to hear you tell it, this thing is practically bombproof - what could we possibly do to hurt it?" Johnny jumped on the bandwagon. It was rare that they had Charlie on the defensive. He was usually the one raking them over the coals.
"Yeah well, just see that you don't. I'm putting unit 51 on top priority just so you two don't have this thing long enough to damage it in anyway. You got that?"
"We got it, Charlie," Johnny smirked.
Charlie walked away stiff-legged to the utility car that had followed him but he turned back and called to them. "You guys should be honored to drive her. If James Bond was a paramedic that's what he'd drive!"
"Really?" Johnny liked that idea. "James Bond, huh?"
Roy just shook his head. What a stupid idea to plant in Johnny's head.
* * * * *
Their first call came two hours later. Some woman had dropped a frozen turkey on her foot at a supermarket. It was an uneventful call and there was no need to transport the woman to the hospital. They toted their equipment back out to the supersquad. Magically the bay doors opened for them, as they had on the way in. Johnny was beginning to come around to the high tech way of doing things like eliminating locks. As he got in, he was telling Roy that that might shut Brice up about locking bay doors for once and for all when an odd look on his partner's face got his attention. "What's wrong?"
"It won't start."
"You're kidding," Johnny laughed. "Let me get out and look under the hood."
"Yeah, well just be careful you don't activate the rocket launchers or anything," Roy said with disgust. He just knew that Charlie was going to find a way to say this was his fault.
"Oh, Roy I - hey!"
"What?"
"The door is locked."
"It can't be. We did that hand print thing." Roy tried his door. It wouldn't budge either. "Try the window."
"There's no crank.."
"There's a button. My mother-in-law has electric windows like this in her Buick." He tried the button with no results. "Well, either the ignition has to be on for the electrical system to work or the electrical system is shot."
"Roy, it's brand new."
"Well maybe it sucked out so much juice the battery drained. I was watching the needle go down on the gas gauge as we drove. You'd better call it in," he said reluctantly. They were going to be the laughing stock of the department over this.
Johnny picked up the mic but that didn't work either.
"You know what, Roy? We're trapped."
"No kidding. Wonder what James Bond would do."
It took them several minutes to get the attention of any of the busy shoppers that were passing them in the parking lot. Finally one agreed to call the Fire Department and Engine 51 rolled on a "persons trapped in vehicle call."
They cringed as Captain Stanley and the others approached. "I don't be-lieve it!" the captain declared.
"What seems to be the problem, Mr Bond?" Chet laughed.
"Chet, I'm gonna - " Johnny growled.
"Gonna what, Mr Secret-Agent-Man?"
"Knock it off, Chet," Stanley barked. They were beginning to draw a crowd. This was not good. "What happened, Roy?"
"Well, when we came back here after the call, it wouldn't start. The electrical system is not working and the doorlocks and windows are electric." Roy was beginning to sweat. They had now been trapped for nearly half an hour in a closed up vehicle with the hot California sun beating down on them. "You're gonna have to break a window."
"Charlie is gonna love that. Stoker, bring an axe. You guys put your turnout coats over you to protect you from the glass."
"Cap," Chet reminded him, "Charlie said this glass was bullet proof."
"Don't worry, Kelly. I'm not going to shoot it," Stanley sighed. Only six more weeks till his vacation, if he lived that long.
It turned out that Charlie was right about the strength of the glass. Neither an ax nor a crowbar nor any of their forced entry tools could even scratch it.
"This is no good, fellas. We'll have to think of something else. Marco, get the K-12. We'll cut through the door."
Roy and Johnny gladly took their turnout coats off their heads. It was hot enough in there without the added heat provided by the heavy coats. They were both sweating profusely by this time.
"You know, round about now I'd even welcome one of the Phantom's water balloons in the face. Anything to cool off."
"Hang in there, Junior. Cap'll think of something," Roy tried to be encouraging.
The K-12 was a powerful saw. Marco finally cut through the outer sheet metal of the door but the triple roll bars inside it broke every blade they had for it.
The situation was no longer funny. Roy and Johnny had been trapped for almost an hour. Their bodies had no way to dissipate the heat. They had each gone through phases of vertigo and nausea but when they stopped being able to answer them when they were spoken to the captain really started to panic. They were cooking right there in front of him and he couldn't get them out! He slammed his hand on the roof of the supersquad out of frustration. His wedding ring clinked on the metal support for the lights. He hit it again. This metal and these screws did not look any different than the kind that held the lights in place on a regular squad. Could the this be this vehicle's Achilles' heel? "Stoker, hand me that axe."
He took a swipe with the blunt end of the axe. The lights shattered and the housing came loose. It was screwed into a plate of sheet metal. He knocked the lights out of the way. "Bring the Jaws. We can get this damn thing open, up here!"
There were several layers of sheet-metal but once the Jaws had a place to get a hold of it peeled them each back one by one. There was a large rollbar but they could work around that to extricate the men. Once the hole was large enough, Marco climbed inside to help them.
"I think Johnny passed out," Roy croaked. "Take him out first."
Marco nodded. The oppressive heat was getting to him already. He picked Johnny up and handed him out to Chet. Then he eased Roy out from behind the wheel. Roy was conscious but unable to move under his own power. Stoker reached in to give Marco a hand with him.
Soon they were laying on the parking lot next to the engine. "There are still no squads available," the cap complained. "Let's try calling Rampart on the biophone and see what they recommend."
They tried to get the biophone but none of them could open the bay doors. "Get them on some O2 from the Engine. We're going to have to get Dispatch to call them on a land line and relay to us." Captain Stanley vowed that he was going to kill that damn Charlie for creating this death trap!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Johnny was oblivious to the hubbub around him. For a few minutes he felt like he was floating but soon things came into focus. He was staring at his reflection in a crystal clear swimming pool. He was a little startled to see himself dressed in a tuxedo. He looked around. He did not immediately recognize his surroundings but then he placed them. He was at a Hollywood bash in a mansion. He'd been to those before. He knew exactly what to do. He strolled over to the bar that had been set up by the pool.
"The usual?" the bartender asked in a bored voice.
He just nodded. At all costs, he had to look cool. Instead of the beer he expected, the bartender handed him a martini. "Just the way you like it. Shaken not stirred."
Again he nodded and accepted the drink. He casually walked away from the bar. Things were becoming clear to him now. This was not a social event for him. He was here to do a job. He casually made his way to the mansion and went inside. The crowd was thinner here and he stealthfully made his way up the stairs to a more "private" part of the house. This was the culmination of months of espionage. Soon his arch nemesis would be his.
He wandered around the bedrooms area for a while. He was unsure where to go next when suddenly a woman's voice screamed out in terror, "Doctor, No!" He took off at a run following the sound.
It led him to a white door that was decorated in gold. The door probably cost a small fortune. He kicked it down and burst inside.
He took the scene in, in an instant. The room was huge. In its center stood an ornately carved bed but it what was going on in the far corner of the room that got his attention. Three terrified and scantily clad women were cowering away from the man in dressed in a surgical scrubs who was approaching them carrying a very large hypodermic needle.
"This won't hurt a bit, ladies," he leered from behind his surgical mask. Even though 'the doctor' used a thick but phony Russian accent, Johnny knew his true identity right away. "Just think of this as a little gift, from Russia with love," the insane man cackled.
"Hold it right there, Thunderball!" Johnny threatened confidently.
The doctor spun around to face him. "Well, well, well, if it isn't the spy who loved me."
"I'll show you just how much I love you, but step away from the ladies. This is for your eyes only."
"Excuse me, ladies. I have to take care of my old friend here." He turned toward Johnny. "You know what I always say, Gage. Live and let die!"
"You only live twice, Moonraker," Johnny retorted. He dripped with confidence. This time he'd capture him for sure. The Phantom was the most vile man who ever walked the planet. There was no dirty deal he didn't have his goldfinger into. Now it looked like he had sunk to an all time new low. Dealing in white slavery. Maybe that was why the girls were dressed in white. Their outfits looked like a cross between a Playboy bunny costume and a nurse's uniform. Johnny knew full well what the Phantom intended to do with that huge needle. It was no longer pointed at the terrified girls. He was now the target as the Phantom stalked toward him with a cool and evil sense of purpose.
"You ladies will now have a view to a kill," the Phantom promised as he raised the needle threateningly.
Johnny never flinched as the madman approached him. He just stared into his golden eye waiting for the perfect moment. When it arrived he moved, stepping to one side quickly. Too quickly for the Phantom to be able to even see much less correct for. The Phantom's momentum carried him forward . He fell into the bed needle first. Unfortunately, it was a waterbed. The needle punctured it and the Phantom was hit in the face with all that water. It was over in a matter of minutes. The Phantom was no more. Like the witch in the Wizard of Oz, when he came in contact with the water, he melted.
Johnny turned to the girls. He whipped his bandage scissors out and cut the adhesive tape that they had been bound with. The three beauties were instantly in love with their dashing hero.
"Who are you?" one asked in a breathy voice.
"Gage. John Gage. And I have a licence to kiss," he assured them. He opened his arms and they lunged toward him. All he could see was a sea of white. He closed his eyes in bliss.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Yeah? Well unless you want to be shaken not stirred, you'll watch who you're grabbing!" an angry voice yelled.
He forced himself to open his eyes. He saw the white nurse's uniform. What was wrong? Nurse's uniform. Not nurse's uniform/playboy bunny costume combination. He sensed he was about to get the living daylights beaten out of him. "Ah, hi there, Dix...................."
* * * * *
Three days later, he and Roy were once more on duty at the station. He had told Roy about his dream or hallucination or whatever it was. They were the only ones at the station. The Engine was on a run and the B-shift paramedics had not yet returned from their last run with the squad.
"I still say you are darned lucky Dixie didn't kill you," Roy pointed out, refilling their coffee cups.
"I couldn't help it. It was some dream though, three gorgeous girls in love with me and best of all the Phantom finally getting his."
They heard the squad pull into the garage so they walked in there to greet the B-shift medics. They looked exhausted and the squad was covered with mud.
"Even in this condition, she's a beautiful sight to behold," Roy smiled.
"Hey, DeSoto, don't get on us about this. We haven't had a minute's peace this shift. To say nothing of having to fill in for you guys and Carlson and Dwyer. We are beat. We'll leave this mess to you."
With that the B-shift paramedics stormed into the dorm.
"You get the bucket, Junior and I'll get the soap and sponges."
"Sure thing, Pally," Johnny smiled. Man, he hated being called Junior. He knew Roy hated the word Pally as much as he did but he wasn't about to stop calling Roy Pally until Roy quit with the Junior bit. This would probably go on till they retired.
It took several minutes to get enough washed off to even recognize their beloved squad. It might not be state of the art but it had never tried to kill them. As they usually did, Roy took the side and Johnny took the front to wash. Johnny had to use a hose on the grill and front bumper to blast the mud away. He carefully sponged off the licence plate.
"Hey, Roy. Did you ever notice this licence plate number starts with the numbers 007?"
Suddenly a wet sponge hit him square in the face and the Phantom wasn't even at the station.
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