“Chet, the next time I let you talk me into something like this, just shoot me,” John Gage said as he shivered in the cold morning air.
“Come on, Gage,” retorted Chet. “You know you wouldn’t give up an opportunity like this.” Chet rubbed his arms together to keep warm. “You could win big money, or even a car!”
“Yeah, right, Chet,” retorted Marco. “Look at how many people there are in this line, and it’s only 5:30 in the morning. We have as much chance as a snowball in..”
“A snowball in where, Marco?” Captain Stanley interjected as he joined the group. He held a small fiberboard tray with four cups of a steaming liquid. Johnny, Marco and Chet each took a cup and sipped gratefully. Hank looked at the line in front of the CBS studio. You were right Chet, people line up early for this thing. What time does the taping start?”
Chet pulled four tickets out of his pocket. “It says 1:45. I guess the guy starts interviewing the potential contestants around 11:00 or so.”
“They interview people?” asked a surprised Johnny. “This is a game show, not a job hunt.”
“How do you think they find all the excited, screaming contestants, you twit,” said Hank. “They interview everybody and see who the live ones are. I want you all to be perky when they come, especially you, Gage. We’ll show Hookraider, McConnikie, and those twerps at 36.” Hank said as he sipped his coffee. “For once, I’m glad I listened to you, Chet. 51 may get clobbered at softball, but we’ll show them which station has the real smarts. One of us has to ‘Come on Down!’, and win one for the Skipper!”
Johnny protested. “Since when am I not perky?” He tapped Chet on the arm. “Come on, Chet, I’m perky, aren’t I?”
“Sure, John,” sighed Chet. “You’re perky.”
“Thank you, Chester.” John smirked. “Chet thinks I’m perky, Cap.”
“Although that’s not what Trina told her girlfriends after your last date,” muttered Chet.
John gave Chet a dirty look and opened his mouth to reply.
“Can it, you two,” Hank said sternly. John glared at Chet and sipped his coffee. Hank pulled a neatly folded piece of paper from the pocket of his coat. “Emily made this for us.”
“What is it, Cap?” asked Marco as he moved closer.
“It’s a tip sheet for the games. She watches the show every day, and has been taking notes since I told her that Chet got tickets. I want each of you to study it carefully before we go inside.” He handed the sheet to Marco, who read it intently.
“Maybe we should have brought her, Cap,” said Johnny with concern evident in his voice. “From the looks of this line, I don’t see too many men. We may not get called.”
“That’s our ace in the hole, John,” said Hank. “We’ll impress Interview Boy with our charm and wit, so they HAVE to call us. Besides, they’re probably due for a token male contestant.”
“I’m just happy you didn’t make us wear matching T-shirts, or something with a stupid with a saying on it,” said Johnny.
“I thought about it, but I didn’t want to look too obvious.”
Marco shook his head and handed the paper to Chet. “Boy Cap, you sure think of everything.”
“Of course I do, Marco. That’s why they made me Captain.”
###
“He’s getting closer. Quick, give me the sheet!” Hank ordered as he looked down the line. John quickly folded the sheet and handed it to Hank. Hank stuffed it into his pocket as the interviewers approached.
A man who appeared to be in his late 20’s to early 30’s was accompanied by a cute blonde in her early 20’s. The man checked the tickets of each person in line, and spoke to them for a few minutes. His assistant wrote the person’s name on a large brown nametag and gave it to the potential contestant.
“Okay, guys,” said Chet. He held the tickets in his fist. “Pick your poison.” Hank, John and Marco each pulled a ticket from Chet’s hand.
“Hey, Chet,” said Marco. “Dig the blonde. I think she’s staring at you.”
“Really?” Chet ran his hand over his mustache and patted his hair into place.
“A girl actually eyeing Chet?” scoffed Johnny. “This I’ve got to see!” Johnny and Chet both peered at the blonde. She wore a form-fitting dress that accentuated her curves. She smiled at them. John looked at Chet and shook his head. “I’ll be darned. Chet, I think that chick likes you.”
“Of course, Gage. It surprises you that a chick could dig me?”
“Well....yeah, Chet.” Johnny stood up straight and examined Chet with a critical eye. “I mean, you’re nice enough, but...” John pointed at Chet’s hair and mustache. “You’re not exactly devilishly handsome, like me.”
“Listen Gage, I know I’m not a stud muffin.” Chet straightened his back. “I have a unique look that attracts a certain type of woman.”
“What type of woman is that, Chet?” asked Johnny. “The ones you find at the dog pound?” Marco snorted in the background.
“No, Gage. I attract women of substance,” retorted Chet. “Not like the ones you dig up, if you can find a woman that will go out with you. You weren’t named ‘The Strikeout King of Rampart General’ for your softball skills.”
Johnny stiffened. “Chet..”
“Shut up, you twit. They’re getting closer,” ordered Captain Stanley. The man and his assistant were interviewing an older woman three spaces ahead of them. “Just act natural, and be perky. Remember, we’re here to regain the honor of Station 51.”
“Right Cap.” Chet, Marco and Johnny answered in unison. They watched as the interviewers moved closer. Finally, they stood in front of Johnny.
“May I see your ticket, please?” asked the man. Johnny handed him the ticket. The blonde flashed a big smile at Johnny and stood straighter to emphasize her ample bosom. Her boss marked Johnny’s ticket with a black pen. “Welcome to The Price is Right. I’m Ed Roberts. I’m temporarily filling in for the Producer, who usually performs these interviews. This is Mindy, one of our Production Assistants.” He shook Johnny’s hand. “What’s your name?’
“John Gage.” John watched as Mindy wrote John’s name on one of the brown tags. Ed wrote John’s name down on the pad of paper he carried.
“Where are you from?”
“I’m originally from Lame Deer, Montana, but I live in L.A. now.”
“Nice country.” said Ed. “That’s the Cheyenne reservation, isn’t it?” John nodded. “Last summer I went to Hardin for a reenactment of the fight at Little Big Horn. I drove through Lame Deer on my way to Mount Rushmore.”
Johnny nodded. “Yeah, they do that every year for the tourists. It’s actually kind of fun.”
“You’ve seen it?” asked Marco.
“Yeah, I was in it a couple of years ago. I may do it again this year,” said Johnny. “Some of my relatives may come up from Oklahoma and South Dakota, and we may make a family reunion out of it. It’s nice to see what the old days were like, when we actually won a fight.”
Ed scribbled a note on his pad. “What do you do for a living?”
“I’m a Firefighter/Paramedic with the L.A. County Fire Department. I work with these three guys.” John pointed to Hank, Marco and Chet.
“Does your boss know you’re here, and not putting out fires?” Ed joked.
“He sure does,” said Johnny. He pointed to Hank. “He’s standing right there.”
Ed looked up and wrote furiously on his notepad. He gave John a seat number and shook Johnny’s hand again. Mindy wrote something quickly on a piece of paper. She ripped the paper and dropped several tags on the ground. She and Johnny bent over to pick up the tags. Mindy pressed a piece of paper into Johnny’s hand as he handed her the nametags. She winked at Johnny after they stood up, then turned her attention to Chet.
Ed and Mindy talked to the rest of the group in turn. As Ed and Mindy moved further down the line, the guys crowded around Johnny.
“She passed you a note, Gage,” said Chet. “Aren’t you going to read it?”
“Yeah, what does it say?” asked Marco.
Johnny took the note out of his pocket and unfolded it. Johnny’s face turned beet red and he stuffed the note in his pocket. “Nothing.”
“Out with it!” ordered Hank. “It had to say something, or you wouldn’t look like a cooked lobster right now.”
“Okay.” Johnny reluctantly pulled the note from his pocket and handed it to Hank. Hank unfolded the note and read it.
Wanna hang some hose with me, Fireboy? Firemen are sooo hot, and I hear Indians are way better in the sack. Call me. Mindy. XXOO 555-6975.
Hank handed the note to Marco and rubbed his hands together in anticipation. “Good work, Gage! I’m glad you made such an impression on her. Maybe you’ll get picked.”
Chet handed the note to Johnny. “So, Fireboy. You gonna call her?”
“I doubt it,” said Johnny. “She’s not really my type.”
“I don’t know, Gage,” said Chet. “She breathes.”
“Chet,” Johnny started, his voice rising. “Even I have standards. She looks a little loose for my liking.”
“Since when did you become a pillar of morality, Gage?” asked Chet. “Or picky?”
“Um, Johnny?” asked Marco.
“What is it, Marco?”
“If you don’t want her number, can I have it?”
Johnny thought for a moment. “Well, I didn’t say I’m not going to call her, just that I might not call her. There are times when loose is, well, okay. I’m keeping her number, just in case.”
###
“Does anyone have any questions?” asked Ed as he finished briefing the audience.
No one raised their hands.
“Great,” said Ed. “We’ll be starting the taping momentarily. Let’s have a perfect show!” The audience clapped and cheered as Ed put down the microphone and walked into the wings.
“Get ready, Gage,” said Hank. “When they call your name, look excited. Try not to look stupid when you run to the front.”
“Gee, thanks Cap,” said Johnny. “You think I look stupid when I run?” Johnny looked at Chet. “Do I look stupid when I run?”
“You look stupid when you do just about anything, Gage,” answered Chet.
“Shh, guys, they’re going to start,” said Marco.
The show’s theme music played in the studio as the applause light came on. The audience clapped enthusiastically as Johnny Olsen started to call names. “Alice Gates, Come on down!”
An older woman wearing an “I Love Bob!” sweatshirt threw her hands in the air and ran to Contestant’s Row.
“Larry Wilson, Come on down!
A sandy-haired man, about 20 years old sprang from a seat on the opposite side of the auditorium and ran to the front.
“There’s your token, male, Cap,” muttered Chet. “There goes our chance.”
“He was behind us in line, maybe he made Mindy an offer.” suggested Marco.
“Erica Stevens, Come on down!”
A middle aged black woman jumped up and down in the second row. She grabbed the man seated next to her and shook his arm vigorously. She ran to Contestant’s Row.
“Hank Stanley, Come on down, You’re the first four contestants on The Price is Right!”
“Get going, Gage, they called you!” said Hank.
“No, Cap, they called you! Get down there!” said Johnny, as he stood to let the Captain squeeze by.
“Oh, my God, they did!” Cap rubbed his hands together excitedly as he jumped up and trotted to the empty spot. Erica gave him a bear hug as Hank arrived in Contestants Row.
“Now, here’s the star of our show....Bob Barker!”
The audience applauded wildly as Bob walked on stage and took the microphone from one of the models. “Thank you, Janice. Johnny, what’s the first item up for bid?”
Janice wheeled out a dishwasher on a set of casters. After Johnny Olsen’s brief description, Bob looked at the contestants. “Alice, what is your bid?”
“$250,” said Alice. Larry bid $450 and Erica bid $225. Bob towered over Hank. “What do you bid, Hank.”
Hank paused for a moment and said “$300.”
“Three hundred dollars.” Bob pulled the small tag from its holder. “The actual retail price is $275. Alice, you win!”
Alice clapped her hands and ran up the steps onto the stage. She gave Bob a light peck on the cheek as she stood next to him. A production assistant directed Hank, Larry and Erica to empty seats in the front row.
Larry leaned over to Hank as a Ford Mustang were unveiled on stage. “Boy, you were only like, $25 off.” They watched Alice jump up and down as Johnny Olsen described the car’s features.
Hank sighed. “I know. I could use a new car.” He leaned back in the chair and watched as Alice tried to guess the correct prices of smaller prizes to win a chance to pick the tag with the car’s correct price on it. She won three of the smaller prizes, but failed to win the car. She gave Bob another kiss and walked off stage.
“We’ll be back after this message for another pricing game,” said Bob. Production broke briefly as Bob’s makeup was freshened. Ed showed his notes to Bob and looked into the crowd. He whispered something to Bob and walked off the stage.
Bob walked to the edge of the stage. “So, Hank, what do you do for a living?”
“I’m a Captain in the L.A. County Fire Department.”
“Larry, what do you do?”
“I’m an Education major at UCLA.”
“Erica?”
“I’m a Secretary with a printing company.”
The production assistant motioned for the three contestants to take their places. The music played briefly and Bob welcomed the viewing audience back.
“We need somebody to fill this empty spot. Do you have a name for us, Johnny?”
“Sure do, Bob. Margaret Twitchell, come on down! You’re the next contestant on The Price is Right!”
A middle aged woman with black hair emerged from the middle section and ran to the empty spot.
“Okay, Johnny, What’s the next item up for bid.”
“It’s a new refrigerator-freezer!” answered Johnny Olsen. “A 19 cubic foot, no frost, Norge refrigerator freezer, with adjustable cantilevered shelves, spacious door shelves and twin crispers. Just the thing to keep your food fresh. Norge, by Fedders.”
“Margaret, what do you bid on that refrigerator?”
“$275”
“$275 it is. Here’s your chance, Larry?”
“$350.”
“$350 for Larry. What do you bid, Erica?”
“325”
“$325 for Erica. Last, but not least, Captain Hank?”
“$300”
“$300 for Hank. The actual retail price is...$305! Hank, you’re a winner!”
###
“He did it! He did it!” yelled Marco raised his fists in triumph as Captain Stanley made his way up on stage. The guys high-fived each other.
“I knew he’d win!” said Chet as they sat down. “Good thing he’s prepared.”
“Looks like he got the Shell Game,” said John. “I wonder what kind of prize he’s playing for.”
###
Hank shook Bob’s hand as he stood on the duct tape mark on the floor.
“Now everybody, I called Hank ‘Captain Hank’, because during the break we found out that Hank is a Captain in the Los Angeles County Fire Department. What station are you with?”
“Station 51.”
“I understand you brought some of your crew with you. Stand up guys.”
Johnny and Marco stood self-consciously. Chet waved and mouthed “Hi Mom!”
“I thought Captain Hank sounded similar to Captain Hook. Now guys, Hank here isn’t like Captain Hook, is he?”
“No,” said Johnny. “We really like him.”
“Nope,” said Marco. “Hank’s an inspiration to all of us.”
“Yeah, not like the real Captain Hook,” added Chet.
“Chet!” Gage hissed.
“Let’s give these guys a nice round of applause. We take Firefighters for granted until we need them, and never take a chance to tell them how much we appreciate them, day in and day out.”
The audience gave the guys a rousing ovation. Johnny, Chet and Marco sat down as the applause subsided.
“Now, let’s see what Hank could win!”
“A new living room!” answered Johnny Olsen as the doors opened to reveal a new sofa, loveseat, end tables, a coffee table and carpeting. He gave a brief description of the items.
“Now, Hank, all you have to do is put a chip in front of which shell you think the ball is under.” Bob lifted a shell that had a white ping pong ball beneath it, and moved the shells around the table. “You get one chip to start, and you can win three more chips. If you put a chip by every shell, not only do you win that new living room, but, you’ll win a $500 bonus if you pick the shell that has the ball.”
“To win a chip, you must simply guess if the real price of the prize is higher or lower than the price we show you. Do you understand?”
“Yes.” replied Hank.
“Good, now Johnny, describe these items Hank will use to win the chips.”
“First off is a pair of Goose Down booties. Ease your feet into the warm softness of these Eddie Bauer booties in quilted nylon. Second, is a new camera! A Polaroid Focus Flash 400 Land camera. Never worry about blackouts or burnouts with the Focus Flash camera. Finally, a new bikini! Enjoy the beach this summer with a Rhonda Smith Gottex striped bikini. Back to you, Bob.”
Bob handed Hank a chip. “Where will you put the first chip?”
Without hesitation, Hank put the first chip by the third shell.
Bob picked up the card on the booties. The price read $20. “Is the real price higher or lower than $20?”
Hank looked at the guys. Johnny and Marco pointed their thumbs down, while Chet held his thumb upward.
“Lower, Bob.”
Bob turned the card around. Bells started ringing. “The real price is $15.00.” Bob handed Hank another chip.
Hank placed the chip by the first shell.
Bob pulled the price tag of the camera. It read $50. “Is the camera higher or lower than $50.00?”
Hank looked at the guys. Johnny, Chet and Marco held their thumbs up. “Higher, Bob.”
Bob turned the price tag. It read $69.00. Bells rang again. “Right again, Hank.”
Hank put the third chip by the last shell.
Finally, Bob pulled the price tag from the bikini. It read $50.00. “One more chip and you’ll have that new living room. Is the price of the bikini higher or lower than $50.00?”
Hank looked at his colleagues again. Johnny shrugged. Chet held his thumb up, and Marco held his thumb down. “Lower, Bob.”
Bob turned the tag. It read $40.00. “You win Hank! Put the chip by that last shell.”
Hank put the chip by the remaining shell.
“Hank has already won that living room set. Now, for the $500 bonus. Pick the shell that has the ball beneath it!”
Hank looked at the guys. Johnny held up two fingers. Chet held up three fingers, and Marco held up two fingers. “I’ll go with the second shell, Bob.”
Bob removed the chips from all the shells except the second one. He moved to the shell on the far end and lifted it up. “Your still in the game, Hank!” There was no ball beneath it. Bob moved to the third shell and lifted it. Again, there was no ball beneath it. He put his hand on the last shell. “If the ball isn’t under here, you win the $500.” Bob looked at the audience. “Do you think he won?”
The audience cheered.
Bob lifted the shell. There was no ball beneath it. “Congratulations, Hank. You win!”
Hank shook Bob’s hand as the theme music rose in the background. Hank was directed to a table offstage where he signed some forms. He was directed to a seat in the first row, next to Alice. He looked back at the guys, grinned, and gave them the “thumbs up” sign.
###
“Erica, you’re the top winner today,” announced Bob. “ Hank, you’re the runner-up. You’ll each have a chance to view and bid on the two showcases. Erica, as top winner, you can bid on the first showcase, or you can pass it to Hank. The Contestant who is closest to the actual retail price of their showcase is the winner. And, if you’re the winner, and your bid is less than $100 from the actual retail price, you win both showcases.” The audience applauded. “Now Johnny, let’s see the first showcase!”
“It’s something for every room of the house! First, for the kitchen, we have a new dishwasher!” Johnny described the features of the built-in dishwasher. “Next, for the den, we have a new entertainment center!” He described a new 19 inch color television, and a video cassette recorder, and a stereo that was encased in an oak cabinet. “Now, for the garage, a brand new car!”
The audience cheered wildly.
“A 1976 Plymouth Volare coupe! With automatic transmission, power steering , rear window defogger, power brakes, and California emissions. Hop into the new Volare, by Plymouth. This showcase can be yours if The Price is Right!”
“Erica, do you want to try for a second car, or will you pass this showcase to Hank?” asked Bob.
“I’ll pass,” said Erica.
“Hank, I hope you were paying attention. What do you bid on the first showcase?”
Hank looked at the guys. Gage held up five fingers, Chet held up 6 fingers, and Marco held up five fingers. “Five thousand, five hundred.”
“Five thousand five hundred it is! Erica, this is your showcase!” Bob motioned to the doors behind him.
The doors flew open as Johnny Olsen announced, “It’s an around the world showcase!” Janice stood in front of a painted scene with the word “New York” emblazoned on it. “Your trip around the world starts in beautiful New York City! You and a companion will spend six days and five nights at the Park Plaza Hotel, in the heart of New York City! Easy access to Broadway shows, and Radio City music hall. From New York, you fly to London, England, where you’ll stay at the Knightsbridge Hotel.”
The audience cheered as the next door opened to reveal a tag with “London” written across the top.
“You’ll spend six days and five nights at the Knightsbridge. Located on a tree-lined street near Harrods, it’s close to chic boutiques and restaurants. You can take in the London theatre scene and the sights of Big Ben, and London Bridge.”
“After London, you’ll fly to Athens, Greece! You’ll spend six days and five nights at the posh Athens Hilton. Lovely views of either the Acropolis or Mt. Hymettus will greet you in the quaint elegance of this hotel. You’ll tour the Acropolis, and the ruins of Greece, or just relax on the sandy beaches.”
“Your final destination will be Sydney Australia! You’ll spend your last six days and five nights at Ravesi’s on Bondi Beach. Located on Australia’s most famous beach, you’ll enjoy relaxing in the spacious, well appointed rooms, or on the beach itself. You can catch a show at the famous Sydney Opera House, stroll through the shops or take a tour of the Outback. This fabulous showcase can be yours if The Price is Right!”
“What do you bid, Erica?”
The crowd cheered as Erica considered her bid. She looked at her husband who held up eight fingers. “I’ll bid eight thousand.”
“Eight thousand dollars it is.” Bob turned to the camera. “We’ll be back right after this message.”
###
Hank sat in the station office, reviewing logs from the previous day. The phone rang. “Station 51, Captain Stanley speaking.”
“Hank, this is Chief McConnikie. How are things going?”
Hank sat straight up in his chair and nearly spilled his coffee. “Just fine, Chief. To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“I just wanted to extend my congratulations on your outstanding achievement. Mrs. McConnike watches The Price is Right every day. She called me when she saw you and your crew on the show. We all had to watch it at Headquarters.”
“Why thank you, Sir. My wife really likes the new furniture.”
“Don’t feel too bad about the showcase, Hank. You were very close. Too bad Erica was only a hundred dollars closer than you. It looked like she knocked the wind out of you, Hank when she gave you that bear hug.”
“She did, Chief. She did the same to Bob and to her husband.”
“Oh, and Hank, I feel the need to remind you of one little regulation.”
“What’s that, Chief?”
“The uniform code prohibits firefighters from wearing anything non-regulation while on duty. I believe it includes striped bikinis.”
Hank blushed. “Don’t worry, Chief. Emily has that one covered.”
“Oh, Hank, one more thing. Tell Gage to get a hair cut.”